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Archive for 11/18/2007 to 11/25/2007Rocket Boys.When The Slug and I were growing up, we had a fascination with models of all sorts. Cars, trucks, tanks, planes, monsters, dinosaurs, you name it. Sometimes we'd set up a table in my parent's basement and work on them together.The Slug was a perfectionist, and his attention to detail was insane. At one point, he told me he wanted to work as a model maker professionally, creating realistic miniature sets for the movies. He probably could have -- he was that good. You couldn't see the seams on[...] Source: 15 Minute Lunch  Redneck Dance King [...] Source: McCafferty's Pub Spinnin’ with the BoBo WE thought it might be nice to give our beloved DJ LAMPSHA another week off from doing one of her Legendary Saturday Spins, if only to have an extra moment or two to herself, in order to recover from a difficult couple of weeks. Ah, but what to do in her stead? Indeed, that was [...][...] Source: Central Snark Mikka’s Video Jukebox 11/24/07 For our Australian readers… [...] Source: Renal Failure Anyone got a cigarette? I'm spent. On November 2nd, I peaked at 47,910 visitors in a 24 hour period. Now I'm back down to about 3,000 a day, which is still ten times more than I used to get prior to the JC Penney debacle. At least the pressure is off.In other news, our friends told us to "bring games" with us tomorrow when we go over for Thanksgiving dinner. So my awesome wife came home with a giant deck of cards today.Go Fish? Hardly. Uno? Not on your life. Much better than that. On each card is a different drinking g[...] Source: 15 Minute Lunch Caption Contest Winners This week's winning caption came from Brad, who decisively spanked all competition. Brad, you may proudly display the In Your Face award.Sparrow came in 2nd, with:Nick recoiled as he caught a faint whiff of ape coming from Diesel's direction.And once again, Theresa placed with her entry:Diesel: You just gave her the pencil? Wrong move, man, wrong move.I think this is the first time that two of the three top-rated captions were callbacks to previous posts. Nicely done, folks. Way to confuse [...] Humor-blogs.com WHEN we’re feeling especially blue, pathetic, and/or unlovable (like today, after gorging ourselves with all the trappings of an especially tasty Thanksgiving feast), we look around for a few good reasons to smile. Sometimes we do that by watching a totally stupid-yet-absurd program on TV (”CSI: Miami” works well for this purpose). Sometimes we make [...][...] Source: Central Snark TURN BACK THE RENAL CLOCK: December 2006 (3) Psycho Dave wants to be clean. Presidentially clean. There’s a new Christian superhero: Eli Kodiak! 2006: the year we disappointed everyone. Clowns are getting killed in Iraq, and we’re not quite sure how to feel about that. Asteroids are unfamiliar with the laws of the schoolyard. I think Yuletide refers to the waves of watery stool you suffer the next [...][...] Source: Renal Failure Black Friday Injury Avoidance I just got off the phone with the Surgeon General, calling to remind me yet again about the hazards of mixing triptaphen and rapid humoron influx. He actually called for Doctor Toboggans, who is presently in Istanbul, visiting the Istan Mystics, the only people equipped to handle the doctor’s extended presence due to their highly developed [...][...] Source: The Ominous Comma Thursday Shout Out: God (A Thanksgiving Photo Essay) Our front yard in August:Our front yard today:The house:The urchins:The urchins' mommy:Thanksgiving reading material (and George):Have you ordered your copy yet? I haven't read mine yet because Mrs. Diesel wouldn't let go of it. Judging from her chortling, I assume it's pretty gosh-darn funny.Be sure to check back tomorrow for the caption contest results. And remember, Monday is the launch of Humor-Blogs.com 2.0. Feel the excitement.This Thanksgiving, curl up with a nice warm cup of Humor-Bl[...] World's Foremost Authority on Sarcasm Lately I've hinted -- not very subtly -- that I'm now working for Google. I'm technically not a Google employee, but I'm working onsite at the Google headquarters on some internal projects for them. I didn't want to say too much at first because I wasn't sure how much I could tell you without getting in trouble. In fact, now that I think about it, I'm tempting fate with this post, as I was once fired from a job over an email that I sent the day before the Thanksgiving weekend. I won't go into[...] Alice’s Restaurant WHAT’S THIS? You guessed it – this, dear friends, is a Thanksgiving Bonus Post featuring a little something our NBFF tossed into the Snark last year. Okay, fine, it’s another re-run, but so what? We thought it was great nostalgic fun then, and it’s every bit as grand this time around. Thanks again for the [...][...] Source: Central Snark 5 Things We Should Be Thankful For Happy Thanksgiving to all my American readers… To everyone else, hope you aren’t having a shitty Thursday. This is the time of year when we get together with family and give a bullshit list of things we are thankful for. I am going to give you a list of five things you should be thankful for [...][...] Source: Pointlessbanter Tina the Lesbian’s Video Jukebox 11/22/07 You bring the turkey… they’ll bring the stuffing. BearForce One. [...] Source: Renal Failure A Date with Thanksgiving… DO Thanksgiving leftovers taste as good the next year as they do next day? They do? Well then, whew — imagine our relief, as we prepare to serve up a tasty concoction simmered here in the Snark last November. (has it really been a year?) Yeah, we are lazy like that. That said, this post [...][...] Source: Central Snark Not A Crummy Book At All Got my copy of Crummy Church signs Volume One (2004-2007) yesterday. Now, the author, Joel Bezaire, is a reviewer at humor-blogs, so it would make sense to butter him up with a glowing “buy it now!” recommendation so he would look kindly upon my blog when reviewing it, and he’s also got an in at the humor-blogs bookstore, [...][...] Source: The Frog Bog The Underbelly of Humanity aka Adultfriendfinder.com The dating saga continues…. After not finding anyone that I liked off of Craigslist.com or in real life I decided to turn towards the internet yet again. This time I put up profiles on Match.com and Adultfriendfinder.com, to mixed results. Now for those of you that don’t know adultfriendfinder.com is basically a website for people looking [...][...] Source: Pointlessbanter Where to draw the line? “Who in the rainbow can draw the line where the violet tint ends and the orange tint begins?…So with sanity and insanity.” Herman Melville, Billy Budd “Margret Mary Ray believed with all her heart that late-night talk-show host David Lettermn was in love with her. Caught up in this delusion, she stalked Letterman day and night [...][...] Source: Central Snark TURN BACK THE RENAL CLOCK: December 2006 (2) Former Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist is America’s Worst Doctor. Jesus is only popular when people are whipping his ass. What’s the number one cause of death in Finland? Surprisingly it’s not Lordi. Bury me pretty. Lucia and Sean Wheatley bring their grievance against soy to Tina the Lesbian. [...] Source: Renal Failure Carping Diem: Duplicate Like a lingering illness, Doctor Harold Toboggans, is working his way through your system. Far too late to induce vomiting, a laxative and OSHA approved hearing protection are highly recommended “If you were this good, you could be me too.“ Dr. Toboggans is the staff psychologist, resident motivational speaker, and official personal development coach of the Ominous Comma. [...][...] Source: The Ominous Comma Vote! Although the avowed purpose of this blog is now to get Huey Lewis recognized as the classic rock paragon that he is, pragmatic considerations force me to be your dancing monkey once again. Let me make it clear, however, that I am doing this only to further the greater cause. From now on, everything I do on this blog will be motivated by my loyalty to Huey. "WWHD?" will be my driving principle.In this case, I think Huey would want me to get on with posting the caption contest finalists:As pred[...] Interlude (From the Latin, meaning 'between ludes') The polling site isn't cooperating this morning. Hopefully I'll have the caption contest poll up in a few hours. Until then, allow me to regale you with some updates regarding what's going on with this blog (in addition to its newfound purpose of getting classic rock stations to play Huey Lewis).I'm continuing to improve my commenting application. The more observant among you will have noticed that the horrendously difficult math problems are not showing up any more. They should only appear [...] West Bank Story? submitted, reviewed, and post title by f.c. Bruce BezairePerhaps it's "The King and I"?For their encore, they could perform "I Don't Know How To Love Him"------------------------------------------------submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Aaron LeeYou mean it's not Tony Danza?!?-------------------------------------------------"Too many people get married for better or worse but not for good."submitted AND reviewed by Rev. Bill BeattySigh...So, divorced people, don't come to church here...--[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs My New Favorite CraigsList Hooker As I have clearly stated in the past, when I am having a bad day I go to the erotic services section of CraigsList. Nothing cheers me up more than reading poorly written posts with horrible grammar with girls trying to round up some business. The Buffalo Hookers have been a disappointment, which I wrote [...][...] Source: Pointlessbanter Thanksgiving Bric-a-brac IN an effort to prime the Thanksgiving pump just 2 days away from our Nation’s Big Important Stuff Your Faces ‘Til You Puke/Yay It’s Almost Christmas/Time to Shop ‘Til You Drop Holiday, we searched high and, yes, low for something deliciously turkelarious, and guess what we found? An extremely stupid clever video that came thisclose [...][...] Source: Central Snark TURN BACK THE RENAL CLOCK: December 2006 (1) My new congressman is pissed that he got elected. Where do former Secretaries of Defense go after they leave their job? Cryogenics brings up issues with age of consent laws. This is what we had in mind when we heard about the Nintendo Wii. Avonia the Wiccan Pimp lifts her boycott on the American Armed Forces. Tina the Lesbian lets [...][...] Source: Renal Failure Huey Lewis is a national treasure and should be treated as such Renal Failure doesn’t take up many causes, because we hate the human race as a whole. But on occasion we find something that we can behind. So when Diesel over at Mattress Police and Humor-Blogs.com decided to take up the fight to get Huey Lewis and the News played in regular rotation on classic rock [...][...] Source: Renal Failure Another Jump the Shark moment whereupon I talk about dead pets. If you knew me, you'd probably consider me an outdoorsy kind of guy. I like backpacking and canoing, hiking and snowboarding. When people see that, and then find out I don't care that much for dogs, I think that fact wrecks their stereotype of me. "How can you not like dogs?" they ask. "You are clearly a walking, talking Orvis ad, so what's up with that?"Well, it's like this. I don't like dog slobber, I don't like dog smell. I don't want the responsibility. We had a dog growing up. A big[...] Source: 15 Minute Lunch Not tonight, honey... submitted by frequent contributor Jerry WebberJudging from the title of this newspaper that's not what these people did....Props to Jerry for the post title as well.EDIT: Indie points out in the comments section that, basically, I'm an idiot. She said it much nicer than that, but it's true. Apparently I needed to read the article closer...-----------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Jerry WebberBut that church down the road......(shudders)------------------[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Do You Feel Like I Do (About Huey Lewis)? An interesting discussion broke out recently over at the Ominous Comma about something that I said in my book, Antisocial Commentary.*The discussion centered on this item from the introduction to the book:For me the kiss of death for a humor piece is to start off trying to convince someone of a particular point of view…I don’t mean that humor is an effective way of making a point; I mean that humor is the point.Brent, the proprietor of the O.C., notes:To be honest, I don’t know if I agree with [...] An(other) Open Challenge To NASCAR Champion Jimmie Johnson PRELUDE TO THE PRELUDE (November 19, 2007): This post seems as appropriate as when I first wrote it, because Jimmie Johnson just won the NASCAR title yesterday. In honor of this occasion and Mr. Johnson’s lack of response to the challenge I threw down LAST YEAR, and because no one except my dad read my blog when I [...][...] Source: The Frog Bog Goodbye Art DON’T think for one nano-second we didn’t (and/or don’t) plan to do a Musical Opposite in order to garner Cheap Laughs to yesterday’s Fratelli-featuring post, because we do… we really do. Unfortunately, ours is a creative process best described as “free-flowing”. Worst described as “Oh look at that! A shiny object! Ooooooh, pretty. Uh, what [...][...] Source: Central Snark No I don’t run a meth lab I just have a cold As I sit here typing this I am looking at my yahoo front page which was the weather in sunny Southern California, it is currently 74 degrees. Now I turn my head and look at the window and it is snowing. What the hell was I thinking by moving to Buffalo to go to grad [...][...] Source: Pointlessbanter It isn’t easy being cheesy. But it’s much easier than being stupid “Don’t sit in the Cheetos,” she says, very accusingly. “Um, what?” I say. “I was just going to get a chip and some salsa. I wasn’t going to sit down.” “Yeah, well, there’s Cheetos on the chair, don’t sit on them,” she says. Sure enough, there’s a bowl of Cheetos on the chair by the table [...][...] Source: Renal Failure A cartoon about hunting and creepy moustaches [...] Source: See Mike Draw Love Letters To A Manly Chunk Of Masculine Authorship People sometimes ask me how long it takes to write these posts, and I always give the same truthful answer: Too long. I really don’t want to boast for more than a couple hundred words or so, but the work of a serious humorist is not easy, it requires persistence, dedication, and obscene quantities of coffee. And once [...][...] Source: The Ominous Comma Haven't I seen you on... Hot Chicks With Douchebags?Most Say I Look Like George Clooney, Or Was It George Jetson?Age: 30Location: The Penisula of the U.S.What's up! I'm just looking to meet someone around 23-29 who definitely considers herself a cutie and loves to just go out, have fun, laugh until milk shoots out her nose (Don't worry that counts as cute!), enjoy the miami nightlife, Heat Game perhaps, dinner, or whatever...Not sure if I'm looking for anything serious right now, but ya never know. Just leave a quick [...] ISO of something thick, dark, and sweet... Where are all the big beautiful women?Age: 34Location: CaliforniaThere is absolutely nothing sexier than a thick, dark 30+ woman!!! Yes this is true. This tall, mostly Italian white guy can testify to that fact. All I want is my soulmate who is a thick, dark, yummi ebony thickness of gorgeousness who will let me take care of her and make her feel like a queen. By the way, I can cook, take care of business in more ways than one and make sure you are always worshiped the way you need. I am not a[...] ...Of course you do 30 yr male looking for a good,but naughty women!!Location: Detroit30 yr old male ,looking for a friend/or more to hang out with and have fun.im 6'1 250lbs,blue eyes (however they do change 4 differant colors ,depends on mood)i haveblondish/brownish/redish hair ,witch i keep shaved.except my facial hair.i seperated with my wife and goiing threwa divorce do to her cheating.i am looking for someone to party with,hang out with,movies,dinner,ect.i have 3 kids,i love budweiser,yager bombs,and the det[...] TURN BACK THE RENAL CLOCK: Precious Encouragements - December 2006 12/3/06 12/10/06 12/17/06 12/24/06 12/31/06 [...] Source: Renal Failure |
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