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Archive for 12/23/2007 to 12/30/2007And Now The Smiling Infidel Presents Another Exciting Edition Of 'Stevie Wonders!'Today we join Stevie as he secretly wonders.... if he too can stuff his outfit with loaves of Challah bread to give off the appearance of gigundo mega-muscles like Superman does. Stevie also wonders if such a move would completely alienate his Jewish fan base.Challah If You're Hot, Stevie!Superman Stuffs And So Do The Bloggers At Humor-Blogs.Com![...] Source: The Smiling Infidel  This is a test This is a test of the It's a Funny Thing... Emergency Humor Broadcast System. It is only a test.The proceeding was a test of the It's a Funny Thing... Emergency Humor Broadcast System. It is only a test. Had this been an actual Humor Broadcast; you would have laughed.This concludes are test of the It's a Funny Thing... Emergency Humor Broadcast System.You may now return to your 12 year old daughters birthday party with 8 kids stuck together in a house with snow drifts and every prospect that the[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... SATURDAY SPIN I really do wish I had the time to devote to a proper year end post. You know, expertly toss off my TopTen and point out a few faves from this past year right here in our own little corner of the Blogosphere. But that would require being prepared for class today. I will however just jump on NPR’s band-wagon and feature some of their year end best-ofs. Some music I have featured, some I’ve been meaning to and some that I eventually will. So let’s roll em: Listeners’[...] Source: Central Snark God’s New Eden The other night I got a phone call. I thought it was a telemarketer. “Hello Chris?” “Yes. Who is this?” “It is God. How are you doing today?” “Ok that is funny. I have to admit nobody ever used that one before…” “No really it is me. Look outside. You now have a Porsche.” “Wow that’s awesome! I guess you do exist.” “Yup.” “Hey the Porsche is gone, and my old car is back.” “Sorry I couldn’t let you keep it. Those are the rules.” “Aw man.” “Be glad you aren’t Job.” “So God, why are you [...] Source: Angry Seafood God’s New Eden The other night I got a phone call. I thought it was a telemarketer. ???Hello Chris???? ???Yes. Who is this???? ???It is God. How are you doing today???? ???Ok that is funny. I have to admit nobody ever used that one before?????? ???No really it is me. Look outside. You now have a Porsche.??? ???Wow that???s awesome! I guess you do exist.??? ???Yup.??? ???Hey the Porsche is gone, and my old car is back.??? ???Sorry I couldn???t let you keep it. Those are the rules.??? ???Aw man.??? ???Be glad yo[...] Source: Angry Seafood Working Vacation I'm taking today off. I've got a lot of snow plowing to do and some firewood to cut. Hope you all have a good weekend. See you on Monday, unless I just can't help writing something else.If you need a humor fix, try humor-blogs.com They'll fix you up right! [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Working Vacation I'm taking today off. I've got a lot of snow plowing to do and some firewood to cut. Hope you all have a good weekend. See you on Monday, unless I just can't help writing something else.If you need a humor fix, try humor-blogs.com They'll fix you up right! [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Caption Contest: Sweeney Todd Ok, folks. I'm actually on vacation with the family, but I snuck off to an Internet cafe in the shadow of the Sphinx long enough to come up with a caption contest pic. You know the rules: Submit your caption in the comments. Mrs. Diesel and I will pick our favorites, which I'll post in a poll on Tuesday. I'll be back on Monday with some kind of post about something or other. Have fun!Listed on humor-blogs.com.[...] Grandfig: The Cannon The marketing for “The Cannon, The Ride of a Lifetime” was a tad misleading, if true: Hey kids, do you want to fly? Then come down to Uncle Savage’s Funzateria for Orphans and Undomesticated Children. We have the greatest ride ever invented by the cybertronic minds of NaziWorks 3000! (The Caring Company)! It’s free! And it makes you fly! Just run into the gaping maw of the NaziWorks Happy Harlequin™ and you’ll be whisked upwards at the speed of sound. Don[...] Source: The Skwib Grandfig: The Cannon The marketing for “The Cannon, The Ride of a Lifetime” was a tad misleading, if true: Hey kids, do you want to fly? Then come down to Uncle Savage’s Funzateria for Orphans and Undomesticated Children. We have the greatest ride ever invented by the cybertronic minds of NaziWorks 3000! (The Caring Company)! It’s free! And it makes you fly! Just run into the gaping maw of the NaziWorks Happy Harlequin™ and you’ll be whisked upwards at the speed of sound. Don[...] Source: The Skwib Grandfig: The Cannon The marketing for “The Cannon, The Ride of a Lifetime” was a tad misleading, if true: Hey kids, do you want to fly? Then come down to Uncle Savage’s Funzateria for Orphans and Undomesticated Children. We have the greatest ride ever invented by the cybertronic minds of NaziWorks 3000! (The Caring Company)! It’s free! And it makes you fly! Just run into the gaping maw of the NaziWorks Happy Harlequin™ and you’ll be whisked upwards at the speed of sound. Don[...] Source: The Skwib Grandfig: The Cannon The marketing for “The Cannon, The Ride of a Lifetime” was a tad misleading, if true: Hey kids, do you want to fly? Then come down to Uncle Savage’s Funzateria for Orphans and Undomesticated Children. We have the greatest ride ever invented by the cybertronic minds of NaziWorks 3000! (The Caring Company)! It’s free! And it makes you fly! Just run into the gaping maw of the NaziWorks Happy Harlequin™ and you’ll be whisked upwards at the speed of sound. Don[...] Source: The Skwib The Fruitcake Meerkat Comes Tonight! If you think that after four posts in a row about fruitcake here at The Frog Bog we would give it a rest and think of something else to post about, you’d best think again. With National Fruit Cake Day less than 24 hours away, now is when we fruitcake lovers of the world need to unite, to combine our voices in one mighty roar of fruitcake glee! I recently read a blog post about how “The First Noel” is the worst Christmas Carol ever. This is, of course, because it is a perversi[...] Source: The Frog Bog The Fruitcake Meerkat Comes Tonight! If you think that after four posts in a row about fruitcake here at The Frog Bog we would give it a rest and think of something else to post about, you’d best think again. With National Fruit Cake Day less than 24 hours away, now is when we fruitcake lovers of the world need to unite, to combine our voices in one mighty roar of fruitcake glee! I recently read a blog post about how “The First Noel” is the worst Christmas Carol ever. This is, of course, because it is a perversi[...] Source: The Frog Bog That’s What She Said… EVERY stinking time we hear (and/or say) that line we totally crack up. Because, let’s face it, one can put a “sexual” spin on just about any phrase. Unfortunately, this post has nothing to do with spins — sexual or otherwise* — for we’re guessing NO one wants to take a ride on the Dirty Sex Express after viewing Waldo’s wrinkled wares, yesterday, but that’s beside the point. The point, which almost made us blind when we saw it dangling between Wal[...] Source: Central Snark Kitty cat rave party! Bernie the Half-Cyborg cat is in a pissy mood, and not just because he’s a cat and that’s what cats do. No, he’s pissy because he doesn’t glow in the dark like the cloned cats in South Korea do. “I want to do that,” Bernie mopes. “Why can’t I do that?” “Because you weren’t cloned using an altered fluorescence protein,” I say. “You were conceived and born just like a regular kitty cat.” “Well, I want to g[...] Source: Renal Failure It Comes But Once A Year Well it's the day after Christmas night and I'm sitting here, bloated beyond all humanly possible proportions. I started eating Monday morning and I haven't quit yet. As Bob Cratchet or Jimmy Durante or Burl Ives once said, "Christmas comes but once a year." I think it was one of those fictional characters anyway; its all an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato to me now. And from the standpoint of my being able squeeze sideways into my[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... It Comes But Once A Year Well it's the day after Christmas night and I'm sitting here, bloated beyond all humanly possible proportions. I started eating Monday morning and I haven't quit yet. As Bob Cratchet or Jimmy Durante or Burl Ives once said, "Christmas comes but once a year." I think it was one of those fictional characters anyway; its all an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato to me now. And from the standpoint of my being able squeeze sideways into my[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Welcome to Leftoverville I may be exhausted from our Christmas, but I'm ready to run a marathon compared to my poor, poor wife. She entered the kitchen at 5:40 p.m. on Thursday night, Dec. 20, finally leaving for good at 7:14 a.m. Wednesday, Dec. 26. I saw her outside the kitchen four times during that period, once as she watched The Boy open his race track on Christmas morning, once to use the restroom on Christmas Eve, another to chastise me for keeping a closet filled with itch creme and one five-minute stint of slee[...] Source: Dorky Dad How much for a lap dance? OK, enough of that "The Brotherhood of Man" stuff. Sure its a lovely feeling to show care and concern for our fellow humans at this time of year; Ho Ho!, Have a holly jolly.., and all that; but lets face facts. It just isn't funny. Whereas the following is:The Texas State Legislature (Motto: All Hat and Your Cattle) has passed a bill which will result in the collection of a five dollar "tax" from anyone entering a strip club in the Lone Star State. The anticipated booty (perhaps an unfortunate c[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... How much for a lap dance? OK, enough of that "The Brotherhood of Man" stuff. Sure its a lovely feeling to show care and concern for our fellow humans at this time of year; Ho Ho!, Have a holly jolly.., and all that; but lets face facts. It just isn't funny. Whereas the following is:The Texas State Legislature (Motto: All Hat and Your Cattle) has passed a bill which will result in the collection of a five dollar "tax" from anyone entering a strip club in the Lone Star State. The anticipated booty (perhaps an unfortunate c[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... How much for a lap dance? OK, enough of that "The Brotherhood of Man" stuff. Sure its a lovely feeling to show care and concern for our fellow humans at this time of year; Ho Ho!, Have a holly jolly.., and all that; but lets face facts. It just isn't funny. Whereas the following is:The Texas State Legislature (Motto: All Hat and Your Cattle) has passed a bill which will result in the collection of a five dollar "tax" from anyone entering a strip club in the Lone Star State. The anticipated booty (perhaps an unfortunate c[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... How much for a lap dance? OK, enough of that "The Brotherhood of Man" stuff. Sure its a lovely feeling to show care and concern for our fellow humans at this time of year; Ho Ho!, Have a holly jolly.., and all that; but lets face facts. It just isn't funny. Whereas the following is:The Texas State Legislature (Motto: All Hat and Your Cattle) has passed a bill which will result in the collection of a five dollar "tax" from anyone entering a strip club in the Lone Star State. The anticipated booty (perhaps an unfortunate c[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... And Now For Another Exciting Edition Of Stevie Wonders Today Stevie Wonders.......Why the cost of maintaining a Part-Time Lover has skyrocketed so much over the years. See, his Part-Time Lover joined a Part-Time Lovers Union and they demanded a set of Starbucks-like employee rights that guarantee all workers a comprehensive medical/dental plan, 401K, and bonuses. Sadly, Stevie's Part-Time Lover isn't even all that reliable either. And I quote:"Ive got something that I must tellLast night someone rang our doorbellAnd it was not you my part-time lover[...] Source: The Smiling Infidel Warm Fuzzy Wishes… WISH YOU WERE HERE!!! Family Reunion in the Bahamas: $5,000 Memorable Christmas cards featuring Reunion Photo: $100 Stamps for sending Reunion Photo Christmas Card to everyone: $82 NOT noticing sunbather over Cousin Dodie’s left shoulder: PRICELESS ~snuppy PS: Since this is a “family(ish)” blog, we elected to spare you all the nuts and/or bolts of this charming (real) holiday greeting. That being said, we naturally wouldn’t want to deny anyone the opportunity to check [...] Source: Central Snark New Olympic Motto: Swifter, Higher, Bloodier Certain death awaits the skip unless these sweepers slow down the skeleton-rider We love the Winter Olympics. They are much more fun than the Summer Olympics, but let’s face it, everyone at The Skwib will be boycotting the 2008 Olympics, except General Kang who is the competing in the “One Meter Pistol Event” (not to be confused with the 50-meter Land Requisition Event). So we would like to see a few extra sports at this games to warm our memories while we’re boyco[...] Source: The Skwib Ok We Need To Come To An Agreement On This Often times in life we come to a crossroads where we aren’t sure what path to take. When you reach this point you need to reach out to your friends and have them help guide you. Today I have reached one of these crossroads and I am reaching out to the fine people that read this crap to help determine my choice. What is the dilemma I am facing? Is it a career choice? Relationship advice? School issues? Nope, none of these. I need your help to determine if I like Justin Timberlake or not. [...] Source: Pointless Banter Hades Containment Failure At Ominous Comma Recently, in a well-intentioned attempt at shirking my blogging responsibilities, I posted what I thought to be a fairly funny picture and invited the many and beloved readers of this blog to offer up their own individual takes on my lovely, hand laser-printed artistic creation. “Exhibit A” As an afterthought, keeping in mind that it is a busy season for many, I added a short list of links to certain humor-blogs community members, carefully selected on the basis of the following str[...] Source: The Ominous Comma I Love Ron Paul and Hate Everything Else Image Credit: Penguin Pete’s Ive got a chip on my shoulder; Got a monkey on my back Got a lot of things to say; And I think Im gonna crack Cant buy a smile off the worlds happiest man; No huggin trees today ‘Cause I hate everything ~Suicide Machines I hate everything! I’m so angry from always hating everything. That makes me so angry. I hate it. I hate money. I hate making money. I hate people who make money. I hate people who have more money than me. I hate people who h[...] Your honor...we blame Jesus! submitted/post title by new contributor Ken ThomasKing Arthur: "Look, if he was confused, he wouldn't have bothered to post 'Ummm...' he'd just say it."Sir Galahad: "Maybe he was dictating"King Arthur: "Oh shut up."---------------------------------------------submitted by new contributor BB The ClownMore importantly, you should choose your enemies this way.Random note #1: How about the name of that church!Random note #2: This is the first church sign submitted by a clown.-------------------[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Holiday Greetings CALL us crazy, but we think this may be the BEST Christmas card, ever. And we’re not just saying that because A) it was sent to us via e-mail by our beloved cane-totin’ son, in lieu of giving us an Actual Card and/or Gift, B) speaking of gifts, we have many (from people who are NOT our son) we need to exchange, and are freaking out at thoughts of attempting to do so on the Busiest Freakin’ Shopping Day of the Whole Freakin’ Year, C) it’s Boxing Day in Canada, which [...] Source: Central Snark Ask General Kang: Will you be invading Earth in the New Year? Well, as your own Sung Tzu said, “All war is deception,” so you’d be foolish to believe anything that I told you. However, with that caveat, I will tell you that I’m very impressed with you Earthlings, particularly your creativity; it translates into all kinds of incredible things like religion, art and corporate reward programs (and of course, your vast capability for self-deception). So my eventual victory over you will require that I turn your creative nature to m[...] Source: The Skwib The Opportunity Of Several Lifetimes Welcome back Comma fans, I hope everyone had an enjoyable Christmas. My parents are in town from the Great Wet Pacific North and I have been having a good time with them, as well as the rest of the Ominous Clan. I have also been catching up with my reading, not to mention some long-overdue outings to the movies. All and all, I have been charging myself up for an exciting year of new humor production. A year of zest and of glandular exhilaration. A year of relentless Commatastic grandeur. A year [...] Source: The Ominous Comma Blue Balls This picture sums up why I love living in a big city.This is the front window of the 101 Restaurant, which is at the bottom of my street and is one of the hottest after-hours places in Los Angeles. They don't give a shit what people think of it. How great is that? And no one has complained about it. How great is THAT? Find more inappropriate pictures over at humor-blogs.com[...] Blue Balls This picture sums up why I love living in a big city.This is the front window of the 101 Restaurant, which is at the bottom of my street and is one of the hottest after-hours places in Los Angeles. They don't give a shit what people think of it. How great is that? And no one has complained about it. How great is THAT? Find more inappropriate pictures over at humor-blogs.com[...] Swearing in a Winter Wonderland Your Bonus Christmas post… I found this at Whiskey Fire, and not at our humor-blogs.com rival Crummy Church Signs surprisingly… (give it a click to take in all its glory) And so I spent this holiday calling people cunts, especially if I didn’t know them. I’d scream “Hey you cunt!” from my car at people on the sidewalk. Or I’d yell “Look at all those cunts!” as I watched people come out of church for Christmas mass. “What’cha [...] Source: Renal Failure The Christmas Rocking Horse This year I put a stocking on my storage door, which is adjacent to my main door. I live in a place built in the 1950's, a typical Hollywood building with all the apartment doors emptying out onto a common walkway that wraps around the building. These are the gifts that I got. -A little roll of Fruit Tingles. Not the BIG roll, but the little roll because someone didn't want to spring for the extra 17 cents the big one costs.-Some Mango Glycerin soap whose wrapper has warped and might have to be[...] The Christmas Rocking Horse This year I put a stocking on my storage door, which is adjacent to my main door. I live in a place built in the 1950's, a typical Hollywood building with all the apartment doors emptying out onto a common walkway that wraps around the building. These are the gifts that I got. -A little roll of Fruit Tingles. Not the BIG roll, but the little roll because someone didn't want to spring for the extra 17 cents the big one costs.-Some Mango Glycerin soap whose wrapper has warped and might have to be[...] Christ Demands Out of X-Mas (This article compiled from various wire reports) HEAVEN (AP): Jesus Christ, longtime namesake of the holiday “Christmas”, has issued a statement through heaven’s lone lawyer, asking that His Name be completely removed from the aforementioned holiday. Said Christ, “Many of My followers get uptight when people use X-mas to remove my name from the holiday. But quite frankly, I prefer it that way. Seriously…have you even seen what happens leading up to this day?!?&#[...] Source: Central Snark A Traditional Tundra Christmas (redux) Dr. Maximilian Tundra was heading home again for the holidays, dread clutching his heart like an iron fist. He’d managed to avoid Thanksgiving, but there was no escape from The Feast. The Feast, as it was known amongst Clan Tundra, was a toxic stew of carbs, fats, and pharmaceuticals that had a tendency to drive the family bonkers. Not that they weren’t certifiable to begin with. Read the rest of the story here…> Not here at humor-blogs.com. Share [...] Source: The Skwib It wasn’t a Merry Christmas this year… for many were killed So we read in the news that the Iraqi city of Basra is pretty much calling off Christmas this year in the wake of two Christians being shot. Well, they’re still doing the religious stuff involved with Christmas, but they’re telling people not to set up a Christmas tree or exchange gifts. It’s kind of like getting the withdrawal effects of heroin without the rush of pleasure from shooting it into your vein. But are the Fighting Blitzens of the 7th Holiday Infantry Division goi[...] Source: Renal Failure A Christmas Day tale Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the houseNot a creature was stirring, except this poor louseHe had gone shopping early, and was booming with prideBecause he knew he had a great gift for his brideTo get this gift home, he endured many hasslesHe fought off some shoppers, and a pre-schooler he 'rasstled.He went to a mall store, which can only annoyBut he did it to bring his great wife much joyAs he took the gift home, he thought of the look on her faceAnd so he was determined to fi[...] Source: Dorky Dad A Christmas Day tale Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the houseNot a creature was stirring, except this poor louseHe had gone shopping early, and was booming with prideBecause he knew he had a great gift for his brideTo get this gift home, he endured many hasslesHe fought off some shoppers, and a pre-schooler he 'rasstled.He went to a mall store, which can only annoyBut he did it to bring his great wife much joyAs he took the gift home, he thought of the look on her faceAnd so he was determined to fi[...] Source: Dorky Dad Dueling Blogs Lead to Huey-pocalypse The banjos are warming up. The gauntlet has been bought on E-Bay by Renal Failure and thrown down. Days of bitter verbal sparring has boiled over into all-out blogging Armageddon. The Huey-pocalypse has finally happened. In this corner we have Diesel and his claim that Huey Lewis should be back on the radio after years of being relegated to stations with names like ‘Bill’ or ‘Frank’. Nothing like having the songs you wrote and sang being sandwiched between ‘In D[...] Source: Angry Seafood Two More Days Added Because I Can Do What I Want The pet contest pictures were due by tomorrow but I'm extending it to Monday. I have been such a wreck over this MRI, the results of which I get this afternoon, that I haven't put together the order for the pics to be viewed. I don't think that makes sense but you know what I mean. My stomach is in the shape of a pretzel and wrapped around my neck.First place picks either the baseball cap or the set of 6 blank notecards with envelopes.Remember, all pics will be posted anonymously. You can enter [...] Merry Christmas All! (God bless us, everyone!) Howdy everyone, just wanted to say hi, Merry Christmas and thanks. I started writing this blog about 2 months ago. And I listed the blog with humor-blogs.com a bit after that. I think I started about 375th place over there. In this short time I've been moved up to 7th place as of today, and that's all because of my relatively few but very loyal regulars and friends. I'm slowly but steadily getting more readers and that's primarily because of my relative prominence on humor-blogs.com (My site [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Merry Christmas All! (God bless us, everyone!) Howdy everyone, just wanted to say hi, Merry Christmas and thanks. I started writing this blog about 2 months ago. And I listed the blog with humor-blogs.com a bit after that. I think I started about 375th place over there. In this short time I've been moved up to 7th place as of today, and that's all because of my relatively few but very loyal regulars and friends. I'm slowly but steadily getting more readers and that's primarily because of my relative prominence on humor-blogs.com (My site [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Happy Christmas Fellow Monkeys! A few last-minute gifts for all you people still unaccountably reading The Skwib. Here’s The Pogues with their Christmas classic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltiY-BqvOIU And if that wasn’t twisted enough for you, this fan-made video is a brilliant adaptation of Weird Al’s “The Night Santa Went Crazy”, courtesy of Qelqoth (who is also brilliant in a special way.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSs3FyeThM0 And Bagel at Ration Reality has twelve more for you! [...] Source: The Skwib Noel, Noel, Noel. What Were You Thinking? Everybody loves Christmas carols. Christians love Christmas carols. Jews love Christmas carols. Even Satanists secretly love Christmas carols. The only people who don't like Christmas carols are Communists and people named Carol who are going to smack the next person that asks them if they are a Christmas Carol because it's just not funny after the bazillionth time, ok?One of the most enjoyable Christmas songs to listen to is "The First Noel," the lyrics of which were presumably written as so[...] The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Christmas Carol Edition) The Ghost of Marley presents “Boo” –> Slide 3 Investment strategies not helping me now Mostly wandering Earth in penitence Heavy chains and iron ledgers are not a fashion statement You’re next buddy. The Ghost of Christmas Past presents “But are you bitter?” –> Slide 5 So your Dad didn’t visit you at boarding school. And he called you a waste of oxygen. And the only person who loved you, your sister, died. But does that mean you should be [...] Source: The Skwib Noel, Noel, Noel. What Were You Thinking? Everybody loves Christmas carols. Christians love Christmas carols. Jews love Christmas carols. Even Satanists secretly love Christmas carols. The only people who don't like Christmas carols are Communists and people named Carol who are going to smack the next person that asks them if they are a Christmas Carol because it's just not funny after the bazillionth time, ok?One of the most enjoyable Christmas songs to listen to is "The First Noel," the lyrics of which were presumably written as so[...] Simply having a wonderful Christmas time. submitted/post title/reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Scott GordonHey Jude, don't make it bad...this is bad enough already.---------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Scott GordonNo worries. I read the Cliff Notes.------------------------------------------------"At Christmas time, all roads lead to home."submitted by frequent contributor Jamie E.Except for that one that goes over the river and through the woods.---------------------------[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Simply having a wonderful Christmas time. submitted/post title/reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Scott GordonHey Jude, don't make it bad...this is bad enough already.---------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Scott GordonNo worries. I read the Cliff Notes.------------------------------------------------"At Christmas time, all roads lead to home."submitted by frequent contributor Jamie E.Except for that one that goes over the river and through the woods.---------------------------[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Have a very twisted Christmas! The other night I was innocently flipping through the channels and landed on a rerun of Jay Leno, just before he was about to introduce the musical guest for the night. Since I didn’t know who he had booked, I stayed tuned, eager to enjoy another quality musical guest. But imagine my surprise when camera panned over to the stage and instead found… THIS GUY! GAH!I thought these guys were long dead. I guess that explains why Dee Snider looks like he’s been exhumed. Last year [...] Source: Central Snark I’ll be misunderstood for Christmas Last week a bunch of us did a “Secret Santa.” However, many of us misunderstood the concept. Mikka thought we were doing a Secret Santana, and so he bought Avonia the Wiccan Pimp an autographed picture of Carlos Santana, made out to “The Black Magic Woman.” Avonia the Wiccan Pimp thought we were doing a secret Santa Maria, and so she got Bernie a model of Christopher Columbus’ ships. Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat thought were were doing a Secret Santayana, and so he b[...] Source: Renal Failure The Death Of Santa Claus It was Christmas Eve and I got up when I heard noises downstairs in the living room. I don’t recall how old I was; I may have been in my thirties for all I remember.Sidebar: I only have a good memory for ex-boyfriends and the things they do that are just so patently wrong. Seriously, a mesh shirt? Is that a cry for help or something?I was finally going to see Santa Claus. I tiptoed to the top of the landing. My little, or gigantic, thirty year-old, heart was pounding in my ears. Wouldn’t every [...] The Death Of Santa Claus It was Christmas Eve and I got up when I heard noises downstairs in the living room. I don’t recall how old I was; I may have been in my thirties for all I remember.Sidebar: I only have a good memory for ex-boyfriends and the things they do that are just so patently wrong. Seriously, a mesh shirt? Is that a cry for help or something?I was finally going to see Santa Claus. I tiptoed to the top of the landing. My little, or gigantic, thirty year-old, heart was pounding in my ears. Wouldn’t every [...] Poetic Opus Of Holiday Proportions Today is officially Christmas Eve and I would like to commemorate this solemn occasion with a festive bit of holiday poetry that I composed this time last year. It is a deeply moving poem, known to calm unruly children and bring tears to the eyes of even the most hardened combat stenographers. It has the power to mend broken glands and bring waring factions to unconditional and mutual surrender. It is to verse what Donald Trump is to finance: bloated and largely irrelevant. To properly appreciat[...] Source: The Ominous Comma Happy Holidays From Me, Santa and The Fruitcake Meerkat I’m fixing to take a few days off to enjoy some time (and, obviously, some fruitcake) with the family. In the meantime, I leave you with this picture that conveys the real meaning of the holiday season- forced photos, crass commercialism and sheer, unadulterated terror. I believe this picture was taken in 1973. Happy Holidays. National Fruitcake Day (December 29th) will be here before you know it, and The Fruitcake Meerkat will be visiting your ovens to fill them with a great big ho[...] Source: The Frog Bog Happy Holidays From Me, Santa and The Fruitcake Meerkat I’m fixing to take a few days off to enjoy some time (and, obviously, some fruitcake) with the family. In the meantime, I leave you with this picture that conveys the real meaning of the holiday season- forced photos, crass commercialism and sheer, unadulterated terror. I believe this picture was taken in 1973. Happy Holidays. National Fruitcake Day (December 29th) will be here before you know it, and The Fruitcake Meerkat will be visiting your ovens to fill them with a great big hol[...] Source: The Frog Bog Happy Holidays From Me, Santa and The Fruitcake Meerkat I’m fixing to take a few days off to enjoy some time (and, obviously, some fruitcake) with the family. In the meantime, I leave you with this picture that conveys the real meaning of the holiday season- forced photos, crass commercialism and sheer, unadulterated terror. I believe this picture was taken in 1973. Happy Holidays. National Fruitcake Day (December 29th) will be here before you know it, and The Fruitcake Meerkat will be visiting your ovens to fill them with a great big hol[...] Source: The Frog Bog Sunday Retarded Argument #4 For rules and background see the Introduction to the Sunday Retarded Argument. Whose Kung Fu is stronger: Jesus or Buddha? Discuss. Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting at Humor-Blogs.com If you enjoyed this post, please add it to one of these social networks: [...] |
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