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Archive for 1/27/2008 to 2/3/2008The Weekender OffenderHey fellow offenders, it's the weekend again!! This Weekender Offender is dedicated to the late, great Jimi Hendrix. RIP Jimi!!Soooo what offenses are you up to without me?? Hey, if I'm lucky, you are out getting drunk right now and the video will be up on YouTube just in time for me to add you to my new blog!!That's right, another one.Hooyah!!I named it "The International Drunk" and the name kinda speaks for itself, doesn't it.Yep, I'm now "Blogging the shitfaced from around the globe...because[...] Source: The Offended Blogger  The Hunt Is Over! I made it! I survived the evening without killing any children or having to lock myself in the bathroom with some whiskey and a cigarette. When Daniel came home from poker, he found me passed out on the couch. I was still in my clothes and my teeth were unbrushed. The empty wine bottle was on the counter and my laptop was laying next to me. "That bad, huh?" He asked, as he carried me to bed. He has no idea.This morning, I am happy to report that I found the sneaky cheese caper. I was raiding the[...] Source: Seven Seeds Poor Leno THINKING we should call this post “Poor Lampsha”. Why? Because our dear and delightful friend is under the weather today, suffering from a Horrible, Awful, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Ailment we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy. In case you hadn’t heard, check out her LATEST POST. Then, for the love of a wonderful person and beloved blogger, offer up a few words of support. ALL this to say, we figured we’d take over today’s Saturday Spin, in hopes our NBFF mig[...] Source: Central Snark Poor Leno THINKING we should call this post “Poor Lampsha”. Why? Because our dear and delightful friend is under the weather today, suffering from a Horrible, Awful, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Ailment we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy. In case you hadn’t heard, check out her LATEST POST. Then, for the love of a wonderful person and beloved blogger, offer up a few words of support. ALL this to say, we figured we’d take over today’s Saturday Spin, in hopes our NBFF mig[...] Source: Central Snark I am the eggman, I am the teaspoon! Cooca looca choo! Day 32. -I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.- David BissonetteSo... Somebody sent me an e-mail sayin' they love me and want to be me and are envious of my relationship with my one and only Andy. This question was asked: "do you guys ever really argue?"...... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...Of course we argue. He and I come from two completely different backgrounds therefore have only our love of cheese in common. (Both edib[...] Source: Bee's Musings The Slipper Wearer's Creed WE INTERRUPT THIS STRANGENESS TO BRING YOU THIS NOTE FROM YOU-KNOW-WHO: As you can probably see, I'm updating my blog ... again. I'll probably be messing with this thing forever, but especially this weekend. It'll be a while, as I have no attention span and will probably find my attention diverted multiple times. Or I might get attacked by one of my cats, or kidnapped by Peruvian rebels. Either way, sorry for the mess. And if you want to be linked here, and weren't linked here before, shoot me a[...] Source: Dorky Dad False Tooth. You gotta love the SkyMall catalog:The obvious fact here is that walking around with one of these stuck to the side of your head all day will not actually enhance your image or give you a more youthful appearance.It will, however, make you look like a dick.-----------------------------------------like those guys over at humor-blogs.com[...] Source: 15 Minute Lunch Silence Of The Mams That is...mammaries. We're talkin' boobs. Men love 'em, women have 'em (most anyway) and doctors implant 'em. I had to have mine implanted because I did not fall under the "women have 'em" category. I know what you're thinking, "OMG! She's acutally talking about her breast implants! Isn't she embarrassed?" Let me answer that: no. I've shared my puke, medication and less than perfect moments with all of you. I've acutally gone as far as putting my parental short comings on display for the whole d[...] Source: Seven Seeds Short Attention Span Topics #18 If you haven’t noticed by now, and you are a veteran reader, I have changed the title of this site to Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty. I did this because I wanted it to be more apparent what the content of the site is. Visitors may ask, “What’s a Radioactive Liberty?” But newcomers are likely going to understand what Political Humor is. On with the linkfest. Humor Links Political Humor → Cadet Happy opines about the House passing the economic stimulus pac[...] There's more crap where that came from! And the crappiness continues on the eighth birthday of my oldest son, who is about to be my oldest son, once removed.So I told my husband that the little ones destroyed Daniel Jr.'s b-day gift. He confessed to being at fault. In our house, if something of value is not secured in our secret hiding place, it is certain to face its demise within the hour. Daniel Sr. failed to put the gift in the hiding place and that is how the little ones got it. So he suggested that I take Daniel Jr. to Target an[...] Source: Seven Seeds There's more crap where that came from! And the crappiness continues on the eighth birthday of my oldest son, who is about to be my oldest son, once removed.So I told my husband that the little ones destroyed Daniel Jr.'s b-day gift. He confessed to being at fault. In our house, if something of value is not secured in our secret hiding place, it is certain to face its demise within the hour. Daniel Sr. failed to put the gift in the hiding place and that is how the little ones got it. So he suggested that I take Daniel Jr. to Target an[...] Source: Seven Seeds There's more crap where that came from! And the crappiness continues on the eighth birthday of my oldest son, who is about to be my oldest son, once removed.So I told my husband that the little ones destroyed Daniel Jr.'s b-day gift. He confessed to being at fault. In our house, if something of value is not secured in our secret hiding place, it is certain to face its demise within the hour. Daniel Sr. failed to put the gift in the hiding place and that is how the little ones got it. So he suggested that I take Daniel Jr. to Target an[...] Source: Seven Seeds Welcome to California: Your passport please? I've got to take some claritin now. It's hard to imagine having hay fever here at the moment but I must have inhaled a couple of pounds of grass as I tried to hand flakes to my wife against the wind. I'm seriously considering Arizona. I have drifts in my machine bay. Yesterday, we had a neighbor on his caterpillar tractor almost make it to our driveway. Then the wind came up last night to about 30 or 40 mph. And it snowed again. And it drifted again. Any of this funny?I didn't think so.Let me sm[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... The "Repase Esto!" Offensive So recently I submitted a blog-review to a website which shall remain nameless until I get my review back.Hey, I don't want you running over there and seeing the results before I do!Plus, I know how you feel about me and I wouldn't want you to do something you'll regret out of revenge to the nice people over at _____-____.___ if my review comes back badly.Which, in all likelihood it will. The reviewers over at _____-____.___ are a pretty tough bunch, and lately it seems like they have been sport[...] Source: The Offended Blogger Caption Contest Winners This week's winning caption came from y not i. Y not i, if you had a blog, you could display the coveted In Your Face award:In second place was Bex Mitchell, with:Rambo - "...and I will love him, and hug him, andcall him George..." (Diesel sighs with contentment.)And in third, AnnieB with:J*sus! This is like trying to open a f**king jar of pickles!Congratulations, folks. There were some really good entries this week. Personally, I had to go with Stushie's "Hey, look Apollo! I caught the chick[...] Caption Contest Winners This week's winning caption came from y not i. Y not i, if you had a blog, you could display the coveted In Your Face award:In second place was Bex Mitchell, with:Rambo - "...and I will love him, and hug him, andcall him George..." (Diesel sighs with contentment.)And in third, AnnieB with:J*sus! This is like trying to open a f**king jar of pickles!Congratulations, folks. There were some really good entries this week. Personally, I had to go with Stushie's "Hey, look Apollo! I caught the chick[...] Caption Contest Winners This week's winning caption came from y not i. Y not i, if you had a blog, you could display the coveted In Your Face award:In second place was Bex Mitchell, with:Rambo - "...and I will love him, and hug him, andcall him George..." (Diesel sighs with contentment.)And in third, AnnieB with:J*sus! This is like trying to open a f**king jar of pickles!Congratulations, folks. There were some really good entries this week. Personally, I had to go with Stushie's "Hey, look Apollo! I caught the chick[...] Caption Contest Winners This week's winning caption came from y not i. Y not i, if you had a blog, you could display the coveted In Your Face award:In second place was Bex Mitchell, with:Rambo - "...and I will love him, and hug him, andcall him George..." (Diesel sighs with contentment.)And in third, AnnieB with:J*sus! This is like trying to open a f**king jar of pickles!Congratulations, folks. There were some really good entries this week. Personally, I had to go with Stushie's "Hey, look Apollo! I caught the chick[...] It's Only Nine O' Clock? As if this morning's events weren't enough to make me want to drink, the stay at home kids decided throw some more straw on top of the camels' back. Reed woke up late. I heard him knocking on the door. I opened the door and saw:Poop...Poop...and more poop.So I cleaned the poop. As I cleaned, my darling kids kept themselves entertained...By getting into their brother's birthday present...and destroying it's contents. Then they rubbed the alien goo into their hair.I would post a picture of their h[...] Source: Seven Seeds And Now We Play The Waiting Game... *pause*Awww, the waiting game sucks! Let’s play Hungry Hungry Hippos! (Pardon the gratuitous Simpsons reference, but it's Friday, and to be completely honest, Rickey's creatively bankrupt ).At the moment, Rickey’s a tad jittery waiting around for Johan Santana (or “The Maestro” as we look forward to calling him) to officially become a New York Met. So here’s a quick item to tide you anxious Mets fans over until the deal is officially announced…Apparently Hulk Hogan is on board the Obama Express.[...] Source: Riding With Rickey Crappy Birthday To You! I'm proud to announce that I've proven the long standing theory that the more you give a child, the less grateful they are. I'm not as proud to tell you how I proved the theory, but I'll do it anyway.Today, my oldest son turns eight. On Tuesday, my husband took him to Disneyland, since we had passes that expire soon. Yesterday, we met his favorite cousins at Chuck E. Cheese for an impromptu dinner. This morning, I got up early to make him crepes with strawberries and whipped cream. We sang to hi[...] Source: Seven Seeds The Humor-Blogs NFL Postseason Pickfest, Part, Ah, Deux Plus Deux All right folks, here we go. With the excitement at a fever pitch in expectation of the big picks from the humor-blogs community, it’s time we cut the crap, got down to brass tacks and talked turkey. For those of you who figured I was a shoe-in to win this thing (which was, of course, everyone), I have some bad news for you. The bad news is that I can’t win. I can’t win no matter how you slice it. Chris (formerly AKA Tuna but currently in search of a new AKA due to irate p[...] Source: The Frog Bog Help! PERHAPS you hadn’t heard, but over the years, we’ve become something of a magnet for people in desperate need of advice. It’s getting so we can’t walk outside without being swarmed by individuals seeking answers (hey, Mr. Annoying Guy on our front lawn: we’ll pay those bills when we’re good and ready). Still, along with queries about money (cash, check or credit card?) we’ve also found ourselves inundated with unsolicited questions from time to time, abo[...] Source: Central Snark Male Mac users overconfident A new poll shows that men feel they know more about security than women, yet both sexes are equally vulnerable to malware and other online terrors. According to Crazy Apple Rumors: Most people will not find this surprising. Also not surprisingly, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that the researchers also found that Mac-using men are even more overconfident, both about online security and other things. “I’d be concerned about online security,” said Your Mac Life host Shawn King, “but I alrea[...] Source: The Skwib Male Mac users overconfident A new poll shows that men feel they know more about security than women, yet both sexes are equally vulnerable to malware and other online terrors. According to Crazy Apple Rumors: Most people will not find this surprising. Also not surprisingly, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that the researchers also found that Mac-using men are even more overconfident, both about online security and other things. “I’d be concerned about online security,” said Your Mac Life host Shawn King, “but I alrea[...] Source: The Skwib On second thought...take it off. submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane BrownOverheard at Pastors house last night. Funeral services tomorrow at 3 pm.--------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownWell, it's about time He committed to something...--------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownIn fact we're so great, we pretty much don't need God for anything.--------------------------------------------------"Don't live[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs The Blog Of State Address My fellow Commaricans, Today is the first anniversary of the ground-bruising weblog known as The Ominous Comma.* On this solemn occasion I stand before you humbled in tearful amazement, a fact having just as much to do with the freshly spilled coffee in my lap as with the undeniable glow of achievement which not only permeates this site but also illuminates entire neighborhoods, disturbing the circadian rhythms of countless innocent victims. Without a doubt, this blog is really something. Althou[...] Source: The Ominous Comma american fugpparel nobody loves a bargain better than me. cheap clothing is something i can live/love with, but ugly cheap clothing is not. ugly retailing is something i cannot live with either. according to the new york post, the founder of american apparel is being sued for sexual harassment. memo to boss: parading around in front of an employee at work with nothing but a sock on your junk is not OK, unless of course it’s consensual. plus, his clothes are just plain fug. and fug is fug (unless you are spec[...] Source: leighonline american fugpparel nobody loves a bargain better than me. cheap clothing is something i can live/love with, but ugly cheap clothing is not. ugly retailing is something i cannot live with either. according to the new york post, the founder of american apparel is being sued for sexual harassment. memo to boss: parading around in front of an employee at work with nothing but a sock on your junk is not OK, unless of course it’s consensual. plus, his clothes are just plain fug. and fug is fug (unless you are spec[...] Source: leighonline Romeo, Pray for mercy from Puss... In Boots. Today's Carnival day at school. If Romeo is out looking for Vio, she's more likely to run away from him than to kiss him. Actually, these days her biggest admirer is her best friend Paula, who has repeatedly declared her intentions to marry Vio. Rocío, who for today has become Puss in Boots (and who will have no mercy on the boys), upon hearing that called them lesbians. I overheard the conversation, and asked her if she knew what that meant, to which she replied, "Sure, it's when two girls [...] Source: The Rain in Spain... Romeo, Pray for mercy from Puss... In Boots. Today's Carnival day at school. If Romeo is out looking for Vio, she's more likely to run away from him than to kiss him. Actually, these days her biggest admirer is her best friend Paula, who has repeatedly declared her intentions to marry Vio. Rocío, who for today has become Puss in Boots (and who will have no mercy on the boys), upon hearing that called them lesbians. I overheard the conversation, and asked her if she knew what that meant, to which she replied, "Sure, it's when two girls [...] Source: The Rain in Spain... Romeo, Pray for mercy from Puss... In Boots. Today's Carnival day at school. If Romeo is out looking for Vio, she's more likely to run away from him than to kiss him. Actually, these days her biggest admirer is her best friend Paula, who has repeatedly declared her intentions to marry Vio. Rocío, who for today has become Puss in Boots (and who will have no mercy on the boys), upon hearing that called them lesbians. I overheard the conversation, and asked her if she knew what that meant, to which she replied, "Sure, it's when two girls [...] Source: The Rain in Spain... Pillow talk I’m staring at the ceiling, exhausted and satisfied, and I see her roll to her side to look at me. “What’cha thinking about?” she says to me. “Nothing…” I say. “Come on, what are you thinking about?” she playfully presses. “Nothing, really,” I say. “No, tell me what you’re thinking about,” she insists. So I do. “What’s sand for?”* She rolls back over and doesn’t say anything the rest of t[...] Source: Renal Failure The Enemy Within. Listed on humor-blogs.com… I have an internal organ. Actually, it turns out that I had more of them than I’d thought and at least one of them is broken. Further, despite looking through my wallet and the mass of papers in the kitchen cabinet over the sink, I could not find a warranty for this organ. Currently, [...][...] Source: The Reasonable Ego Ready, Set, Gross My surgery is in 19 days.I'll be on crutches for 3 months in my apartment, which is on the 2nd floor in a non-elevator building because apparently I don't have the ability to see into the future. So naturally I thought I should try and get the place in shape so that by the big day, things would be organized. Ready. Prepared. If you'll recall, I had a very long list. The first thing I did was place the paper cutter on top of the HD box, next to the TV, in case I needed to trim off the speakers of[...] Ready, Set, Gross My surgery is in 19 days.I'll be on crutches for 3 months in my apartment, which is on the 2nd floor in a non-elevator building because apparently I don't have the ability to see into the future. So naturally I thought I should try and get the place in shape so that by the big day, things would be organized. Ready. Prepared. If you'll recall, I had a very long list. The first thing I did was place the paper cutter on top of the HD box, next to the TV, in case I needed to trim off the speakers of[...] Political Rambling: State of the Union Undressed What’s the State of the Union? Pretty much everything we’ve expected has happened so far in the Presidential elections. We are down to the two we figured would be there on each side, and once again we had an early leader’s popularity drop faster than the hype for the new Batman movie. Today is the anniversary of the execution of Guy Fawkes, and the day after the last Republican debate before Super Tuesday. So what a perfect time it would be for Ron Paul to announce he’s dropping out of[...] Cabin Fever OK, cue the music... Oh for crying out loud! Not the Adam's Family!...(Should have paid extra for union help...) OK, try it again. Right...thats better...(The swelling strains of the theme song from 'Bonanza')Welcome to my little slice of heaven."Just like the Ponderosa Ranch, only smaller and with no sons.""Another view of the ranch. Small dots are my family, or old tractor parts.""Despite living in the wilds, we are notwithout certain civilizing graces.After a hard day of mucking out the [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Cabin Fever OK, cue the music... Oh for crying out loud! Not the Adam's Family!...(Should have paid extra for union help...) OK, try it again. Right...thats better...(The swelling strains of the theme song from 'Bonanza')Welcome to my little slice of heaven."Just like the Ponderosa Ranch, only smaller and with no sons.""Another view of the ranch. Small dots are my family, or old tractor parts.""Despite living in the wilds, we are notwithout certain civilizing graces.After a hard day of mucking out the [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Cabin Fever OK, cue the music... Oh for crying out loud! Not the Adam's Family!...(Should have paid extra for union help...) OK, try it again. Right...thats better...(The swelling strains of the theme song from 'Bonanza')Welcome to my little slice of heaven."Just like the Ponderosa Ranch, only smaller and with no sons.""Another view of the ranch. Small dots are my family, or old tractor parts.""Despite living in the wilds, we are notwithout certain civilizing graces.After a hard day of mucking out the [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Cabin Fever OK, cue the music... Oh for crying out loud! Not the Adam's Family!...(Should have paid extra for union help...) OK, try it again. Right...thats better...(The swelling strains of the theme song from 'Bonanza')Welcome to my little slice of heaven."Just like the Ponderosa Ranch, only smaller and with no sons.""Another view of the ranch. Small dots are my family, or old tractor parts.""Despite living in the wilds, we are notwithout certain civilizing graces.After a hard day of mucking out the [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Carnival of Satire (#93) It’s that time of the political calendar. Here in Canada we’re still waiting to see when the next election will be, but in the meanwhile, there is the US Presidential Primaries to enjoy. Depending on your viewpoint (and what kind of cake you’ve been eating), the process will make you feel either very big or very small: DWSUWF gets us the mood for whimsical fantasy (like you’re not always in the mood for it) in: The Hero and the Queen of Darkness - A Fairy Tale for Our T[...] Source: The Skwib Its' Rodent Season! I have reason to believe that one of my children is a mouse. I haven't been able to prove it just yet, but I'm devising a plan to weed out the filthy little rodent. Why do I hold such a strange suspicion? Well, aside from the fact that my mind is slightly askew...Every time I come home from the store with a new brick of cheese, it lasts all of one day. We're talking the economy eight dollar brick of cheddar. It doesn't just magically disappear, either. It goes bite by bite. Whenever I open the f[...] Source: Seven Seeds Too easy. submitted by frequent contributor LaurenHe who walks "upright" better not be wearing jogging pants.----------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor LaurenI'm fine with the above church sign. I just wanted to post another one from this church and see if anyone can explain/guess where this church name comes from.And speaking of funny church names....submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor ChristineSo named because once the service starts, you're looki[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Rambo Refuses to Answer Rickey's Questions Rickey hasn’t seen it yet, but the new Rambo movie came out last weekend, a film which A.O. Scott called “a blood bath punctuated by occasional bouts of clumsy dialogue…. …[the movie] has unhinged, sadistic genocidal violence and righteous retribution for same.” Sounds like a great date flick to Rickey! One of the trailers Rickey watched appears to show Stallone literally punching someone’s head off. In the physical universe that we inhabit, is that sort of thing even possible?To promote the ope[...] Source: Riding With Rickey Tom… Tom… Tom… SOMETIMES ya just gotta say… What the fuck??? THAT’S right, we just turned a swell line from Risky Business into a rather foul sounding question. Why? “Why”, indeed. Is it because we’re wondering why our “rankings” on Humor-blogs.com are so suck? No. Although, now that we mention it, we are a bit flummoxed. After all, we link and we link ’til we’re red in the finger and/or blue in the face…to no avail. Poor unfunny us. Apparently we ne[...] Source: Central Snark You won’t violate my human dignity like he will Everyone is happy that Mikka has a girlfriend. Well, except for Ninja Vicki, but that’s her problem. Anyway, we’re happy for Mikka not just because he hasn’t had a girlfriend in four years, but because his breakup with that girlfriend is an awful story… that I’ll tell to you right now. Mikka had been dating a girl he met at a bar in Chin-Finn Town for about three weeks. It seemed to be going all right until they went to the Bisquotech, our local soup-themed dance[...] Source: Renal Failure You won’t violate my human dignity like he will Everyone is happy that Mikka has a girlfriend. Well, except for Ninja Vicki, but that’s her problem. Anyway, we’re happy for Mikka not just because he hasn’t had a girlfriend in four years, but because his breakup with that girlfriend is an awful story… that I’ll tell to you right now. Mikka had been dating a girl he met at a bar in Chin-Finn Town for about three weeks. It seemed to be going all right until they went to the Bisquotech, our local soup-themed dance[...] Source: Renal Failure Baby it's fricking freezing outside Absolute zero is defined as 459 degrees below zero, or 273 degrees below zero Celsius for you Canadians. It's not entirely certain whether there is such a thing as absolute zero, however, and according to my intense research scientists have yet to cool anything to that extent. Besides, that kind of a temperature would freeze a human being instantly, not to mention just about everything else.So despite popular belief, our temperatures here did NOT fall that far below zero last night or today, eve[...] Source: Dorky Dad The Big "DELETE" My husband made me remove my last post. I told him that it was all in good fun, but he threatened to take away my credit card. I argued that lots of famous comedians make racial jokes that cross the line. He said that the key word in my sentence was, "famous."I looked at him as if he didn't know of my bloggy fame. He just rolled his eyes and continued: "When Carlos Mencia or Dave Chappelle do it, it's okay. But you are a very unfamous white female...not okay. We are about to be on national telev[...] Source: Seven Seeds As promised- 13 Words or less. -31-Wednesday almost killed me. Scarecrow is a moron. Hammer to Milton’s head. .....[...] Source: Bee's Musings The Big "DELETE" My husband made me remove my last post. I told him that it was all in good fun, but he threatened to take away my credit card. I argued that lots of famous comedians make racial jokes that cross the line. He said that they key word in my sentence was, "famous." When Carlos Mencia or Dave Chappelle does it, it's okay. But you are a very unfamous white female...not okay. We are about to be on National television, viewed by millions of people. Those people may find your blog. I would hate to see wh[...] Source: Seven Seeds A Hairy Situation Ever wish you had one of those memory eraser gadgets that the Men In Black used? Yeah, me too. Case in point: Daniel Jr. and I were at Red Robin last night, enjoying some mother/son time and dinner, when it happened. I plucked a black, curly hair from my southwest pasta. Aaaaaaaagggghhhhhh! I despise hair in my food. Even my own hair, when accidentally stirred into the spaghetti and discovered in my mouth, makes me cringe.I called the waitress over. "Ummmm...(gag) there's a (gag) hair in my (gag[...] Source: Seven Seeds You Must Admit, You Brought This On Yourselves Much to our amusement, the good folks at Armchair GM have released their TECMO Bowl simulation of this Sunday’s big game. But that’s not nearly whimsical enough for a dreary Wednesday, now is it? No sir, it is not. You folks are in need some hard hitting sports journalism and are probably wondering: Rickey, where’s your in-depth coverage of the upcoming Puppy Bowl IV? Valid question friend, we’re glad you asked.For those not in the know, the Puppy Bowl is a special that Animal Planet has been ru[...] Source: Riding With Rickey Beating a Frozen Horse "Look what showed up at my place last night!"I know that everyone is tired of my being right, but really, how much longer can we deny that global warming is as proven a science fact as global cooling was in 1975?Millions stranded by snow in China holiday havoc (Reuters) (Motto: At least we're not (AP))"Hard labor in the cause ofGlobal Socialism makes the world a warmer place."GUANGZHOU, China - Millions of Chinese shivered through power cuts and water shortages on Wednesday and millions more wer[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Beating a Frozen Horse "Look what showed up at my place last night!"I know that everyone is tired of my being right, but really, how much longer can we deny that global warming is as proven a science fact as global cooling was in 1975?Millions stranded by snow in China holiday havoc (Reuters) (Motto: At least we're not (AP))"Hard labor in the cause ofGlobal Socialism makes the world a warmer place."GUANGZHOU, China - Millions of Chinese shivered through power cuts and water shortages on Wednesday and millions more wer[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Beating a Frozen Horse "Look what showed up at my place last night!"I know that everyone is tired of my being right, but really, how much longer can we deny that global warming is as proven a science fact as global cooling was in 1975?Millions stranded by snow in China holiday havoc (Reuters) (Motto: At least we're not (AP))"Hard labor in the cause ofGlobal Socialism makes the world a warmer place."GUANGZHOU, China - Millions of Chinese shivered through power cuts and water shortages on Wednesday and millions more wer[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Beating a Frozen Horse "Look what showed up at my place last night!"I know that everyone is tired of my being right, but really, how much longer can we deny that global warming is as proven a science fact as global cooling was in 1975?Millions stranded by snow in China holiday havoc (Reuters) (Motto: At least we're not (AP))"Hard labor in the cause ofGlobal Socialism makes the world a warmer place."GUANGZHOU, China - Millions of Chinese shivered through power cuts and water shortages on Wednesday and millions more wer[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Exclusive Interview with John Edwards Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty presents an exclusive interview with John Edwards following his announcement that he is quitting the 2008 Presidential Election race. Before we get to the interview, I would like to thank John Edwards for his time. Now that you’ve decided to quit the race, what do you plan to do with your glitteriest evening gown? It’s ruined! Everything is ruined! I’ll never be the princess of the ball. On the other hand, 2012 is only four years away. [...] Hasta la Vista, Monkeyhands (part 2) For those of you too lazy to read part 1, a brief recap of what has happened up to this point: His Excellency Lord Monkeyhands, CEO of Galactic Invertebrates, failed to tell our most important client about a project that I had been working on for THREE YEARS, and which was going to be rolled out to all of our clients in SEVEN DAYS. As a result, an emergency meeting was convened with Asshole, the president of our most important client, BeeStings Unlimited. At this meeting, Asshole dictated a l[...] Would You Like A Party Hat? This is a great example of how truly sick my sense of humor is. Do not read this if you are offended by politically incorrect humor.My evil twin (whose b-day just passed,) posted a picture of his b-day cake on his blog. It was a replica of the space shuttle, Challenger. The picture reminded me of my grandfather's eightieth birthday party last year. We threw him a WWII themed party, complete with period costumes. We made collages and center pieces of twenties era candy and trivia. We played swing[...] Source: Seven Seeds Would You Like A Party Hat? This is a great example of how truly sick my sense of humor is. Do not read this if you are offended by politically incorrect humor.My evil twin (whose b-day just passed,) posted a picture of his b-day cake on his blog. It was a replica of the space shuttle, Challenger. The picture reminded me of my grandfather's eighteith birthday party last year. We threw him a WWII themed party, complete with period costumes. We made collages and center pieces of twenties era candy and trivia. We played swing[...] Source: Seven Seeds You Must Admit, You Brought This On Yourselves Much to our amusement, the good folks at Armchair GM have released their TECMO Bowl simulation of this Sunday’s big game. But that’s not nearly whimsical enough for a dreary Wednesday, now is it? No sir, it is not. You folks are in need some hard hitting sports journalism and are probably wondering: Rickey, where’s the TECMO Bowl simulation of the upcoming Puppy Bowl IV? Valid question friend, we’re glad you asked.For those not in the know, the Puppy Bowl is a special that Animal Planet has been[...] Source: Riding With Rickey The "It's the End of the World" Offensive (This post is for all of you who are easily offended, the rest of you can just sit this one out, k? :)Psst, hey, you!That's right, I'm talking to you - the easily offended one who always has your panties in a wad.You know who you are! You're the one who comes by and reads my blog and then loses sleep knowing I am out here in cyber space contributing to the scary global unrest out there by stirring up all this offensive stuff.The one who sends me anonymous emails begging me to stop offending you.[...] Source: The Offended Blogger January 30th, the Most Wonderful Day of the Year It was a few January 30ths ago, in a little hospital in Trenton, NJ, that my life changed. I didn’t know it changed at the time, because I had six more weeks to incubate. Anyway, on this day, my lovely wife was born. I know that it’s funny for married people to joke about how terrible married life is, but that’s just not my experience. Beth has been my life partner for 19 years, and it just keeps getting better. I tend to think that it’s not necessarily US that makes us so great, but [...] Source: The Frog Bog He makes a great hat salesman, though. submitted by new contributor SusannahAlso: Don't buy it from the Daughters of Zion.------------------------------------------------"Subtract seven points if you yelled at somebody today."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Allen's BrainAdd 15 points if you know what the heck this sign is talking about.------------------------------------------------"I believe in the words in red."submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Jordan...but that Apostle Paul was a liar!--------------[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs He makes a great hat salesman, though. submitted by new contributor SusannahAlso: Don't buy it from the Daughters of Zion.------------------------------------------------"Subtract seven points if you yelled at somebody today."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Allen's BrainAdd 15 points if you know what the heck this sign is talking about.------------------------------------------------"I believe in the words in red."submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Jordan...but that Apostle Paul was a liar!--------------[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs He makes a great hat salesman, though. submitted by new contributor SusannahAlso: Don't buy it from the Daughters of Zion.------------------------------------------------"Subtract seven points if you yelled at somebody today."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Allen's BrainAdd 15 points if you know what the heck this sign is talking about.------------------------------------------------"I believe in the words in red."submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Jordan...but that Apostle Paul was a liar!--------------[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs A National Tragedy Never Tasted So Good! For my birthday on Monday (Jan. 28), a member of my pub quiz team made me a cake. No, not a Naughty Cake. A Space Shuttle Challenger cake! And it was Sacrilicious! No word yet on whether my friend is going to start a business of making birthday cakes out of national tragedies, but I do know a girl whose birthday is Pearl Harbor Day, and she’s going to need a cake. -rf This summer I hear the drummin’… four dead in Humor-blogs.com [...] Source: Renal Failure A National Tragedy Never Tasted So Good! For my birthday on Monday (Jan. 28), a member of my pub quiz team made me a cake. No, not a Naughty Cake. A Space Shuttle Challenger cake! And it was Sacrilicious! No word yet on whether my friend is going to start a business of making birthday cakes out of national tragedies, but I do know a girl whose birthday is Pearl Harbor Day, and she’s going to need a cake. -rf This summer I hear the drummin’… four dead in Humor-blogs.com [...] Source: Renal Failure Happy brickday! Lego is celebrating it’s 50th anniversary this month. *looks feverishly for Winnie Pooh party hat and stumbles over her 1983 stamp collection of Monrovia * Let’s be geeky for a moment, ‘cause well…all of us, at some point, have come in contact with those tiny building blocks. Just how popular is Lego? They- you know them!- say that about seven Lego sets are sold every second and 2008 is marked to see the construction of the biggest Lego tower ever. Which should be quite a substantial wast[...] Source: Central Snark Me Doctor Dr. Ganglia Intrusion Finger did not inspire confidence. He had an impeccable bedside manner and a truly impressive CV. He’d graduated first in his class, and then gone on to study experimental neurosurgery at John Hopkins before ultimately deciding that he “wanted to practice ‘real medicine’ and not be a simple ‘meat mechanic’.” Of course, Dr. Finger was being somewhat disingenuous when he said so; his nurse practitioner and general manager always [...] Source: The Skwib Dan Dan he's our man! My fascination with all things British goes back a long time.I must have seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail at least 100 times over the years, and am one of those annoying people who will respond with a catch phrase at only the slightest hint of a reference."Oh, look at that beautiful building over there!" "It's only a model.'"So when I stumbled on Dan's blog I couldn't have been happier. Here was a humorous daddy-blogger living right smack in the middle of England who I was able to interact w[...] Source: View From The Cloud Here's a long one for ya'! ::grabs crotch:: Day 30.Question.How many times does a flatulent Scarecrow come and ask about the weather?Answer.Eleven and that's only because I drew a picture of a sunny window so she could stay the hell out of the business office! .****Heads up! This is a very long post because I had a very long day. You can read it in 2 parts if you want. I won't get mad. I promise tomorrow will be 13 words or less.****.This is an indicator that your day might turn out to be a huge pile of smelly garbage.If you are merrily d[...] Source: Bee's Musings Portrait in excitement: A long day with a sick kid I spent the day at home today, which given that it's a weekday would normally result in a response such as "WOOHOO!" or "Zippety-doo-da!" or "HOT DAMN, I'M GOING TO THE MALL!!" Alas, it was not to be, as the cause of my homeboundness was the fact that The Boy was sick. And sick as in still-barfing-up-everything sick, which is the worst kind of sick because it's also gross, as I already put it so eloquently in my previous post.The real problem is that I never got over the immense guilt I had when[...] Source: Dorky Dad The Airing Of Grievances: In Which Rickey Reviews the Reviewers Lately we’ve noticed a slight uptick in web traffic coming to this site—primarily in the form of scores of chipper soccer moms and hausfraus. And with this influx of new visitors comes the increasing chance that not everyone will appreciate or enjoy the particular brand of humor we’re selling here. Naturally, this is completely unacceptable. So when healthy dissent rears its ugly head in the form of some less than stellar reviews for this site, Rickey feels the need to speak up just a little bit[...] Source: Riding With Rickey The Airing Of Grievanves: In Which Rickey Reviews the Reviewers Lately we’ve noticed a slight uptick in web traffic coming to this site—primarily in the form of scores of chipper soccer moms and hausfraus. And with this influx of new visitors comes the increasing chance that not everyone will appreciate or enjoy the particular brand of humor we’re selling here. Naturally, this is completely unacceptable. So when healthy dissent rears its ugly head in the form of some less than stellar reviews for this site, Rickey feels the need to speak up just a little bit[...] Source: Riding With Rickey Dan Dan he's our man! My fascination with all things British goes back a long time.I must have seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail at least 100 times over the years, and am one of those annoying guys who will start reciting one of the scenes at even the slightest hint of a reference.So when I stumbled on Dan's blog I couldn't have been happier. Here was a humorous daddy-blogger living right smack in the middle of England who I was able to interact with on a regular basis. Then, when I won some kind of fake contest h[...] Source: View From The Cloud I switched my give-a-damn to sleep mode. We have a situation here. Either I blow so hard at being funny, that my posts are failing to strike people as humorous, or too many of my readers just don't have a sense of humor. Either way, it is starting to piss me off.So I'll say this one more time:This is a humor blog. That means that most of what I write is supposed to be funny, laughter inducing and sometimes quite disgusting. It should be taken as one big effing joke (kinda like my parental control. See? Another JOKE.) If I have to expla[...] Source: Seven Seeds Vote! Man, there were some killer captions this time. I had a tough time picking. (Mrs. Diesel will occasionally pick a favorite or two, but lately she's been making me do the grunt work. Like this is my blog or something.)Here are the ten finalists. Vote for your favorite, and I'll post the winners on Friday. And make sure you come back tomorrow to read the conclusion of the Galactic Invertebrates saga. See you then!y not i said...After mistaking Diesel's head for a giant Pez dispenser, Rambo become[...] Bound but not Gagged A very large part of my life right now is this:Because of this:Thank God for Global Warming! Or I'd be jambing boards against the face of an advancing glacier.Since I'm not going anywhere at the moment (Including the end of my driveway.) I've been helping my better-half with her book.As a part my wife's book project, we've been looking thorough a lot of books on simplicity. An awful lot of them appear to be written by gormless idiots. (Hope that wasn't too judgmental.) One book we've been perus[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Bound but not Gagged A very large part of my life right now is this:Because of this:Thank God for Global Warming! Or I'd be jambing boards against the face of an advancing glacier.Since I'm not going anywhere at the moment (Including the end of my driveway.) I've been helping my better-half with her book.As a part my wife's book project, we've been looking thorough a lot of books on simplicity. An awful lot of them appear to be written by gormless idiots. (Hope that wasn't too judgmental.) One book we've been perus[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Bound but not Gagged A very large part of my life right now is this:Because of this:Thank God for Global Warming! Or I'd be jambing boards against the face of an advancing glacier.Since I'm not going anywhere at the moment (Including the end of my driveway.) I've been helping my better-half with her book.As a part my wife's book project, we've been looking thorough a lot of books on simplicity. An awful lot of them appear to be written by gormless idiots. (Hope that wasn't too judgmental.) One book we've been perus[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Bound but not Gagged A very large part of my life right now is this:Because of this:Thank God for Global Warming! Or I'd be jambing boards against the face of an advancing glacier.Since I'm not going anywhere at the moment (Including the end of my driveway.) I've been helping my better-half with her book.As a part my wife's book project, we've been looking thorough a lot of books on simplicity. An awful lot of them appear to be written by gormless idiots. (Hope that wasn't too judgmental.) One book we've been perus[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... A Hairy Situation Ever wish you had one of those memory eraser gadgets that the Men In Black used? Yeah, me too. Case in point: Daniel Jr. and I were at Red Robin last night, enjoying some mother/son time and dinner, when it happened. I plucked a black, curly hair from my southwest pasta. Aaaaaaaagggghhhhhh! I despise hair in my food. Even my own hair, when accidentally stirred into the spaghetti and discovered in my mouth, makes me cringe.I called the waitress over. "Ummmm...(gag) there's a (gag) hair in my (gag[...] Source: Seven Seeds A Hairy Situation Ever wish you had one of those memory eraser gadgets that the Men In Black used? Yeah, me too. Case in point: Daniel Jr. and I were at Red Robin last night, enjoying some mother/son time and dinner, when it happened. I plucked a black, curly hair from my southwest pasta. Aaaaaaaagggghhhhhh! I despise hair in my food. Even my own hair, when accidentally stirred into the spaghetti and discovered in my mouth, makes me cringe.I called the waitress over. "Ummmm...(gag) there's a (gag) hair in my (gag[...] Source: Seven Seeds Thought of the day... Just a thought...the next time a 2 year old runs toward me yelling "YUCKY! YUCKY!" I won't instinctively reach out to take whatever he's handing me and/or give him a hug. Especially if said two year old has a spectacularly gross runny nose.Yep. Next time, when I hear the words YUCKY I will dive for the paper towels. Because I am pretty sure that I can see the Virgin Mother in the schmear of snot on my shoulder. And you know what? She looks kind of pissed off.Maybe you should go check out somethi[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Professor Quippy: How would you like your robot apocalypse — in replicators or gray goo? Researchers at the Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh are trying to kill us all! Seriously, they are excited about a project they’re working on, the goal of which is to create “swarms of microscopic robots capable of morphing into virtually any form by clinging together.” Seth Goldstein, who leads the research project says the goal is a distant one. Seth, Seth, Seth, have you never read any science fiction? This little science project can only end one of three ways: you[...] Source: The Skwib The Airing Of Grievanves: In Which Rickey Reviews the Reviewers Lately we’ve noticed a slight uptick in web traffic coming to this site—primarily in the form of scores of disillusioned soccer moms. And with this influx of new visitors comes the increasing chance that not everyone will appreciate or enjoy the particular brand of humor we’re selling here. Naturally, this is completely unacceptable. So when healthy dissent rears it ugly head in the form of some less than stellar reviews for this site, Rickey feels the need to speak up just a little bit louder a[...] Source: Riding With Rickey LAX And LA Cops A few weeks ago I went to LAX to pick up a friend. I saw this scene up ahead of me and took my camera out of my purse, which meant I had to keep one eye on the road and the other one on my purse. Hey, who wouldn't want to be driving next to me?I got the camera, turned it on, didn't crash into anybody and snapped this shot. The SPLIT second I did that, the cop you see standing by that car ran off to the right and jumped into his squad car, which is out of frame. I looked into my rear-view and tho[...] LAX And LA Cops A few weeks ago I went to LAX to pick up a friend. I saw this scene up ahead of me and took my camera out of my purse, which meant I had to keep one eye on the road and the other one on my purse. Hey, who wouldn't want to be driving next to me?I got the camera, turned it on, didn't crash into anybody and snapped this shot. The SPLIT second I did that, the cop you see standing by that car ran off to the right and jumped into his squad car, which is out of frame. I looked into my rear-view and tho[...] The O’Donnel Contagion In previous posts I have discussed the mysterious disappearance of the great anima-toonist Spooky as well as the role of this site’s readers in his joyful return to blogging. Also, there was summoned from thickening ether that surrounds both humor blogs and public restrooms alike, a certain gelatinous gentleman of questionable repute: Jeremy the Feisty Jello Fungus. Like so many of us, Jeremy was conceived as a dare and is faced with the daunting prospect of finding meaning in a life alre[...] Source: The Ominous Comma I have $12.48 that says you never saw me at this sports bar… Oh, hello Susan. Fancy meeting you here. I had no idea that you were such a huge fan of the American sporting scene. Yes, I also thought that I would be working late this evening and unable to make it home until much later. Lucky me, to be able to spend this time among friends at such a quality establishment. Yes, my wife is fine, thanks for asking. Speaking of my wife: I have $12.48 in my pocket that says you never saw me at this sports bar. Before you decline my offer of $12.48 in exch[...] Source: Central Snark Please delete your animated porn links I was in my Monday evening class last night and we were talking about the new web mail interface at our school. Each person in class was to evaluate a different design principle, pretty much a standard and uneventful class. I sat there thinking about what I was going to eat when I got out of class and anything else to pass the time… like important things like do I have a little piece of class in the bottom of my left foot. The professor logged onto his web mail and put it on the overhead [...] Source: Pointless Banter Rebate? Is that like masturbating again? Since the American economy is in the shitter these days, the government is giving everyone in America a tax rebate. The thinking is that if you give everyone like $600 to single people or up to $1200 to families they’ll spend it right away and then everything will be all right. But considering that the average American has negative savings, meaning that they spend more than they actually take in, there’s a good chance many of them will just sit on the money or use it to pay off som[...] Source: Renal Failure Rebate? Is that like masturbating again? Since the American economy is in the shitter these days, the government is giving everyone in America a tax rebate. The thinking is that if you give everyone like $600 to single people or up to $1200 to families they’ll spend it right away and then everything will be all right. But considering that the average American has negative savings, meaning that they spend more than they actually take in, there’s a good chance many of them will just sit on the money or use it to pay off som[...] Source: Renal Failure Rebate? Is that like masturbating again? Since the American economy is in the shitter these days, the government is giving everyone in America a tax rebate. The thinking is that if you give everyone like $600 to single people or up to $1200 to families they’ll spend it right away and then everything will be all right. But considering that the average American has negative savings, meaning that they spend more than they actually take in, there’s a good chance many of them will just sit on the money or use it to pay off som[...] Source: Renal Failure Sometimes...two is not better than one! More Funny Pictures at pYzam.com www.humor-blogs.com [...] Source: Seven Seeds Sometimes...two is not better than one! More Funny Pictures at pYzam.com www.humor-blogs.com [...] Source: Seven Seeds Sometimes...two is not better than one! More Funny Pictures at pYzam.com www.humor-blogs.com [...] Source: Seven Seeds Bee needs her meds! Somebody give Bee her meds! -Day 29. George likes spicy chicken. George is getting upset!- George Costanza****This post is dedicated to Rickey Henderson real and George Costanza fictional. Since it’s dedicated to a real and a fictional person, this post will be real AND fictional. The writer leaves it up to you to decide which is which. It will also be written in the third person.****------------------------------------------------The Squirrely Queen.Bee was walking thru the park the other day and came across an angry squi[...] Source: Bee's Musings Bee needs her meds! Somebody give Bee her meds! -Day 29. George likes spicy chicken. George is getting upset!- George Costanza****This post is dedicated to Rickey Henderson real and George Costanza fictional. Since it’s dedicated to a real and a fictional person, this post will be real AND fictional. The writer leaves it up to you to decide which is which. It will also be written in the third person.****------------------------------------------------The Squirrely Queen.Bee was walking thru the park the other day and came across an angry squi[...] Source: Bee's Musings Bee needs her meds! Somebody give Bee her meds! -Day 29. George likes spicy chicken. George is getting upset!- George Costanza****This post is dedicated to Rickey Henderson real and George Costanza fictional. Since it’s dedicated to a real and a fictional person, this post will be real AND fictional. The writer leaves it up to you to decide which is which. It will also be written in the third person.****------------------------------------------------The Squirrely Queen.Bee was walking thru the park the other day and came across an angry squi[...] Source: Bee's Musings Rickey Recommends This is where Rickey posts recommendations of noteworthy consumables, practices, and pastimes that have been deemed invaluable for the reader’s betterment. All products and pieces of advice listed herein have been Rickey tested and approved. Again, this is in no way shape or form a complete rip off of McSweeney’s (fa-la-la-la-la, lawyers, Rickey can’t hear you). Enjoy this week’s installment ofRICKEY RECOMMENDSTemperance. Here are two fun facts that Rickey wishes he’d remembered going into this [...] Source: Riding With Rickey Rickey Recommends This is where Rickey posts recommendations of noteworthy consumables, practices, and pastimes that have been deemed invaluable for the reader’s betterment. All products and pieces of advice listed herein have been Rickey tested and approved. Again, this is in no way shape or form a complete rip off of McSweeney’s (fa-la-la-la-la, lawyers, Rickey can’t hear you). Enjoy this week’s installment ofRICKEY RECOMMENDSTemperance. Here are two fun facts that Rickey wishes he’d remembered going into this [...] Source: Riding With Rickey Rickey Recommends This is where Rickey posts recommendations of noteworthy consumables, practices, and pastimes that have been deemed invaluable for the reader’s betterment. All products and pieces of advice listed herein have been Rickey tested and approved. Again, this is in no way shape or form a complete rip off of McSweeney’s (fa-la-la-la-la, lawyers, Rickey can’t hear you). Enjoy this week’s installment ofRICKEY RECOMMENDSTemperance. Here are two fun facts that Rickey wishes he’d remembered going into this [...] Source: Riding With Rickey Truth Be Told... I'd like to think that I am a person of my word. But when it comes to parenting...I'm full of crap. I never say what I mean or mean what I say. I realized this the other day as I was screaming at the top of my lungs and not one child acknowledged my threats of going to bed without dinner. Even Reed rolled his eyes at me...and he's not even 2 yet. "They know I'm full of it," I told myself. They have learned that one tenth of what I utter is actually parental truth. The rest is just fluff and outr[...] Source: Seven Seeds The "It's the American Way!" Offensive So, no offense to all the bleeding-heart, anti-capitalist, neo-Marxist bra burners out there, but I’ve decided I am going to do the American thing by outsourcing my blog for pennies a day to some needy, dumpster-diving, downtrodden third-worlder.Like one of these:Oh, I know what you’re thinking, though. “Chelle B., I am a bleeding-heart, anti-capitalist, neo-Marxist bra burner and I think it is nice and charitable of you to help some needy, dumpster-diving third worlder out like that!“.Ha!Yeah, [...] Source: The Offended Blogger Editorial: Will we be stimulated? This whole economic stimulus package has everyone wondering... will it really help?Personally, I'm leery. I just don't believe the return of investment will be worth the expense. Or put more simply... I don't believe it will work.I mean think about it, the reason the government wants to issue checks to everyone in the first place is because the economy is in the toilet, and the economy is in the toilet because the cost of living is going up and wages are not. For example, the costs of heating ou[...] Source: View From The Cloud The Luck of the Irish Senator Edward M. Kennedy, last remaining scion of one of the most remarkable families of swindlers and flim-flam men in America's History, has apparently crawled out of the bottle yet again to declare his support for Barack Obama for president."Senator Kennedy at his campaign headquarters for Barack O'bama, announcing his support for the black-Irish presidential contender."Senator Kennedy, a vaguely man-like creature who could only have been elected to office in a state like Massachusetts, has [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... The Luck of the Irish Senator Edward M. Kennedy, last remaining scion of one of the most remarkable families of swindlers and flim-flam men in America's History, has apparently crawled out of the bottle yet again to declare his support for Barack Obama for president."Senator Kennedy at his campaign headquarters for Barack O'bama, announcing his support for the black-Irish presidential contender."Senator Kennedy, a vaguely man-like creature who could only have been elected to office in a state like Massachusetts, has [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... The Luck of the Irish Senator Edward M. Kennedy, last remaining scion of one of the most remarkable families of swindlers and flim-flam men in America's History, has apparently crawled out of the bottle yet again to declare his support for Barack Obama for president."Senator Kennedy at his campaign headquarters for Barack O'bama, announcing his support for the black-Irish presidential contender."Senator Kennedy, a vaguely man-like creature who could only have been elected to office in a state like Massachusetts, has [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Yet Another Celebrity Guest Blogger Our special celebrity guest blogger today is writing from an uncharted desert isle. “Three years. It’s been three years. I can’t believe it. It was only supposed to be a three hour tour. A three hour tour. Who found the tree sap for the pancake syrup? Me. Who saved everyone from the WWII vet who didn’t know the war was over? Me. Who took a coconut on the nose? Me. Who became the radio to warn us about the typhoon? Me. Who towed the mine out into the lagoon, where it explo[...] Source: The Frog Bog Yet Another Celebrity Guest Blogger Our special celebrity guest blogger today is writing from an uncharted desert isle. “Three years. It’s been three years. I can’t believe it. It was only supposed to be a three hour tour. A three hour tour. Who found the tree sap for the pancake syrup? Me. Who saved everyone from the WWII vet who didn’t know the war was over? Me. Who took a coconut on the nose? Me. Who became the radio to warn us about the typhoon? Me. Who towed the mine out into the lagoon, where it explo[...] Source: The Frog Bog Yet Another Celebrity Guest Blogger Our special celebrity guest blogger today is writing from an uncharted desert isle. “Three years. It’s been three years. I can’t believe it. It was only supposed to be a three hour tour. A three hour tour. Who found the tree sap for the pancake syrup? Me. Who saved everyone from the WWII vet who didn’t know the war was over? Me. Who took a coconut on the nose? Me. Who became the radio to warn us about the typhoon? Me. Who towed the mine out into the lagoon, where it explo[...] Source: The Frog Bog Yet Another Celebrity Guest Blogger Our special celebrity guest blogger today is writing from an uncharted desert isle. “Three years. It’s been three years. I can’t believe it. It was only supposed to be a three hour tour. A three hour tour. Who found the tree sap for the pancake syrup? Me. Who saved everyone from the WWII vet who didn’t know the war was over? Me. Who took a coconut on the nose? Me. Who became the radio to warn us about the typhoon? Me. Who towed the mine out into the lagoon, where it explo[...] Source: The Frog Bog The JanFebs This is the time of year when things suck and suck hard. We've gained weight, regret the money we've spent over the holidays and hate our children jobs. Weather is bad, couples get divorced, and the wrong celebrities die.Here in sunny Southern California CAN IT JUST STOP RAINING FOR FIVE FUCKING MINUTES? And it's 36 degrees F at night. Are we in Russia or something? I can hear people in Canada removing me from their feeds right now because 36 F in Canada in the winter is actually summer to them.[...] The JanFebs This is the time of year when things suck and suck hard. We've gained weight, regret the money we've spent over the holidays and hate our children jobs. Weather is bad, couples get divorced, and the wrong celebrities die.Here in sunny Southern California CAN IT JUST STOP RAINING FOR FIVE FUCKING MINUTES? And it's 36 degrees F at night. Are we in Russia or something? I can hear people in Canada removing me from their feeds right now because 36 F in Canada in the winter is actually summer to them.[...] The JanFebs This is the time of year when things suck and suck hard. We've gained weight, regret the money we've spent over the holidays and hate our children jobs. Weather is bad, couples get divorced, and the wrong celebrities die.Here in sunny Southern California CAN IT JUST STOP RAINING FOR FIVE FUCKING MINUTES? And it's 36 degrees F at night. Are we in Russia or something? I can hear people in Canada removing me from their feeds right now because 36 F in Canada in the winter is actually summer to them.[...] The JanFebs This is the time of year when things suck and suck hard. We've gained weight, regret the money we've spent over the holidays and hate our children jobs. Weather is bad, couples get divorced, and the wrong celebrities die.Here in sunny Southern California CAN IT JUST STOP RAINING FOR FIVE FUCKING MINUTES? And it's 36 degrees F at night. Are we in Russia or something? I can hear people in Canada removing me from their feeds right now because 36 F in Canada in the winter is actually summer to them.[...] The Replacement The phone rang at seven twenty this morning. I was busy checking my email, so I ignored it. Then it rang again, five minutes later. I was responding to comments on my B5 blog, so I ignore it. This time, the caller left a message:(in a mock sobbing voice)"This is your husband. What happened to our morning phone conversations? When I went to bed last night, you were busy at the computer. When I left this morning, you were still busy at the computer. If I install some keys on my manhood, will you p[...] Source: Seven Seeds Hasta la Vista, Monkeyhands Note: This story, concerning my final days at Galactic Invertebrates, is long overdue. I only waited this long because until recently I was still doing consulting work for them, and I didn't want to needlessly antagonize the little asswipes. Also, it's generally not a good idea to badmouth a former employer on the internet when you've just started a new job. Suffice it to say that my current employer is about as far from Galactic Invertebrates as could be. In fact, my current boss -- as wel[...] Immature canine takes on cybertronic quadruped http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dneLQY6ZVk This YouTube video has it all. Cuteness. Sexy, cutting-edge electronics. 80s video game sounds … Puppy VS Robot — who will win? Humor-blogs.com ranking system vs Diesel’s sanity? Who will win? Via Neatorama. Share [...] Source: The Skwib Gonna Make You Sweat: submitted by frequent contributor Indie DavisOK...this church is having some seriously bad luck when it comes to having things stolen. (see the 5th sign down on the linked post)Anyone else think they're crying "Wolf" on all the thievery in order to make "clever" signs?In other words: How the heck do you allow someone to just walk away with an an entire air conditioning unit and get away with it?!? I mean, was it just sitting there, not attached to the church building or anything significant? [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Gonna Make You Sweat: submitted by frequent contributor Indie DavisOK...this church is having some seriously bad luck when it comes to having things stolen. (see the 5th sign down on the linked post)Anyone else think they're crying "Wolf" on all the thievery in order to make "clever" signs?In other words: How the heck do you allow someone to just walk away with an an entire air conditioning unit and get away with it?!? I mean, was it just sitting there, not attached to the church building or anything significant? [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Gonna Make You Sweat: submitted by frequent contributor Indie DavisOK...this church is having some seriously bad luck when it comes to having things stolen. (see the 5th sign down on the linked post)Anyone else think they're crying "Wolf" on all the thievery in order to make "clever" signs?In other words: How the heck do you allow someone to just walk away with an an entire air conditioning unit and get away with it?!? I mean, was it just sitting there, not attached to the church building or anything significant? [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs In the beginning… I knew I was going to be a singer from the time I was about 4 years old. My sister, who is 10 years older than me, used to play her Beatles and Herman’s Hermits records on her phonograph in her bedroom, and I’d sit on the floor outside her door and sing along at the top of my lungs… that is until she yelled at me to “shut up and go in the other room!” Then, when the Monkees came on TV it sealed the deal. To me there was nobody cooler than Davy Jones or Micky Dolenz [...] Source: Central Snark In the beginning… I knew I was going to be a singer from the time I was about 4 years old. My sister, who is 10 years older than me, used to play her Beatles and Herman’s Hermits records on her phonograph in her bedroom, and I’d sit on the floor outside her door and sing along at the top of my lungs… that is until she yelled at me to “shut up and go in the other room!” Then, when the Monkees came on TV it sealed the deal. To me there was nobody cooler than Davy Jones or Micky Dolenz [...] Source: Central Snark In the beginning… I knew I was going to be a singer from the time I was about 4 years old. My sister, who is 10 years older than me, used to play her Beatles and Herman’s Hermits records on her phonograph in her bedroom, and I’d sit on the floor outside her door and sing along at the top of my lungs… that is until she yelled at me to “shut up and go in the other room!” Then, when the Monkees came on TV it sealed the deal. To me there was nobody cooler than Davy Jones or Micky Dolenz [...] Source: Central Snark Regrets In retrospect, Judy wished that she’d said “no” when her mentally challenged beautician asked her if it was okay to “try something a little different this time.” On the positive side, she was slated to appear on America’s Most Extreme and Humiliating Makeover the next week, so she wouldn’t have to live with the new look for long. Good thing. Getting her the makeup right was a bitch and she was running out of willow twigs. She also regretted her daily w[...] |