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Archive for 2/3/2008 to 2/10/2008More Evidence Of The InevitableMy kids always refer to me as being old. Even though I refuse to be thought of as such, the signs are all there. Everyday, I am noticing more things that can only mean my arrival at the pre-geriatric stage of life. Here are a few frightening clues:1. I can no longer wear ultra low rise jeans because I am far too tired to pluck/wax/shave the top half of my pubic area, everyday. Plus, my children love to climb up into my arms and use my jeans to get there. We've had too many false moves where I've[...] Source: Seven Seeds  Poor Impulse Control. Similar to the character Raven in the book "Snow Crash" by Neal Stephenson, (it's a fantastic book and you should go read it now instead of this post) I am also getting a phrase tattooed on my forehead. Unlike Raven's, my tattoo will be voluntary, and I'll use small letters because I don't have a giant, slab-like forehead. It will say "Attention to detail is limited at best."Why? Because that had to be my favorite line in my finally-posted blog review over at humor-blogs.com.Reading parts o[...] Source: 15 Minute Lunch Manly Man Brains- A Scientific Explanation Sad day yesterday. I had to remove the cool 8-ball attachment from the shifter in my car. This, obviously, downgraded the car’s coolness factor to “cool,” due to the fact that I still have my fuzzy dice hanging on the rear view. It had been “bitchin’” with the 8-ball gearshift cover, and I was looking forward to getting little fuzzy beads around the top that would have upgraded it to “babe magnet” status, but the number 8 on the 8 ball wore off [...] Source: The Frog Bog Manly Man Brains- A Scientific Explanation Sad day yesterday. I had to remove the cool 8-ball attachment from the shifter in my car. This, obviously, downgraded the car’s coolness factor to “cool,” due to the fact that I still have my fuzzy dice hanging on the rear view. It had been “bitchin’” with the 8-ball gearshift cover, and I was looking forward to getting little fuzzy beads around the top that would have upgraded it to “babe magnet” status, but the number 8 on the 8 ball wore off [...] Source: The Frog Bog Manly Man Brains- A Scientific Explanation Sad day yesterday. I had to remove the cool 8-ball attachment from the shifter in my car. This, obviously, downgraded the car’s coolness factor to “cool,” due to the fact that I still have my fuzzy dice hanging on the rear view. It had been “bitchin’” with the 8-ball gearshift cover, and I was looking forward to getting little fuzzy beads around the top that would have upgraded it to “babe magnet” status, but the number 8 on the 8 ball wore off [...] Source: The Frog Bog My visit to the dentist I went to the dentist yesterday and am thrilled to report that not once did I hear a single lecture on flossing.WOOOHOOO!!! I've reached the pinnacle of my life! I can now, finally, die fulfilled and happy in the knowledge that I can avoid the flossing guilt trip.So to celebrate I did what anybody else would do: This morning I brushed my teeth with cream cheese frosting and used Yoohoo for mouthwash.Mmmm ... Yoohoo and frosting.They won't lecture you at humor-blogs.com. But they might give you h[...] Source: Dorky Dad My visit to the dentist I went to the dentist yesterday and am thrilled to report that not once did I hear a single lecture on flossing.WOOOHOOO!!! I've reached the pinnacle of my life! I can now, finally, die fulfilled and happy in the knowledge that I can avoid the flossing guilt trip.So to celebrate I did what anybody else would do: This morning I brushed my teeth with cream cheese frosting and used Yoohoo for mouthwash.Mmmm ... Yoohoo and frosting.They won't lecture you at humor-blogs.com. But they might give you h[...] Source: Dorky Dad My visit to the dentist I went to the dentist yesterday and am thrilled to report that not once did I hear a single lecture on flossing.WOOOHOOO!!! I've reached the pinnacle of my life! I can now, finally, die fulfilled and happy in the knowledge that I can avoid the flossing guilt trip.So to celebrate I did what anybody else would do: This morning I brushed my teeth with cream cheese frosting and used Yoohoo for mouthwash.Mmmm ... Yoohoo and frosting.They won't lecture you at humor-blogs.com. But they might give you h[...] Source: Dorky Dad Mr. Know-It-All Ahh, it's finally time to get on with the serious business of being silly.Believe it or not it's been since November since the last time Mr. Know-It-All was here. I must say I'm most impressed with the patience you've shown by waiting this long. You deserve better service than this my friends and I promise to bring Mr. KIA back sooner next time... provided he has more questions to answer that is.That being said, let's get started with your questions, shall we?Dear Mr. Know-It-All,How come I have[...] Source: View From The Cloud SATURDAY SPIN It’s only fitting that since TheSnark started out as a communal venture, so it should end - at least for my last Spin here. Today’s artist has become one of our contributors in TheSnark fairly recently, but is about as affable and fun a guy as roams the Blogosphere. I’ve been trying to get together a little spin over the past few weeks of his band’s music, so today’s the day. I’m speaking about Jeff, the Harmonica Man of View from the Cloud. Jeff plays mus[...] Source: Central Snark SATURDAY SPIN It’s only fitting that since TheSnark started out as a communal venture, so it should end - at least for my last Spin here. Today’s artist has become one of our contributors in TheSnark fairly recently, but is about as affable and fun a guy as roams the Blogosphere. I’ve been trying to get together a little spin over the past few weeks of his band’s music, so today’s the day. I’m speaking about Jeff, the Harmonica Man of View from the Cloud. Jeff plays mus[...] Source: Central Snark SATURDAY SPIN It’s only fitting that since TheSnark started out as a communal venture, so it should end - at least for my last Spin here. Today’s artist has become one of our contributors in TheSnark fairly recently, but is about as affable and fun a guy as roams the Blogosphere. I’ve been trying to get together a little spin over the past few weeks of his band’s music, so today’s the day. I’m speaking about Jeff, the Harmonica Man of View from the Cloud. Jeff plays music w[...] Source: Central Snark nip/tuck ***CAUTION! this post contains explicit photos that may not be suitable for children or adults with weak stomachs. read at your own risk.*** i feel like ass. hammered ass to be exact. and it’s all self inflicted. i’m sure you’re wondering why someone would intentionally subject themselves to feeling like hammered ass, so i guess i’ll tell you. it all started with a picture. this picture, to be exact. there, do you see it? my neck. or what’s left of it. i’m a[...] Source: leighonline nip/tuck ***CAUTION! this post contains explicit photos that may not be suitable for children or adults with weak stomachs. read at your own risk.*** i feel like ass. hammered ass to be exact. and it’s all self inflicted. i’m sure you’re wondering why someone would intentionally subject themselves to feeling like hammered ass, so i guess i’ll tell you. it all started with a picture. this picture, to be exact. there, do you see it? my neck. or what’s left of it. i’m a[...] Source: leighonline nip/tuck ***CAUTION! this post contains explicit photos that may not be suitable for children or adults with weak stomachs. read at your own risk.*** i feel like ass. hammered ass to be exact. and it’s all self inflicted. i’m sure you’re wondering why someone would intentionally subject themselves to feeling like hammered ass, so i guess i’ll tell you. it all started with a picture. this picture, to be exact. there, do you see it? my neck. or what’s left of it. i’m a[...] Source: leighonline nip/tuck ***CAUTION! this post contains explicit photos that may not be suitable for children or adults with weak stomachs. read at your own risk.*** i feel like ass. hammered ass to be exact. and it’s all self inflicted. i’m sure you’re wondering why someone would intentionally subject themselves to feeling like hammered ass, so i guess i’ll tell you. it all started with a picture. this picture, to be exact. there, do you see it? my neck. or what’s left of it. i’m a[...] Source: leighonline Vote and nobody gets hurt (well, not me anyway.) I'm not the competitive type. I don't enter contests to win. I don't form my sense of self worth by how many contests I win or how highly I rank in ratings. I also don't know how much longer I can sit here and write these heinous lies!Truth be told, I am extremely competitive. I do not agree with people who do not believe in keeping score of games...what's the point of playing? My husband and I nearly battle to the death when we play any board game. I've never witnessed two people who love each[...] Source: Seven Seeds I'll Believe Anything This is a guest post from my wife, Shelby. (Not to be confused with my sister, Shelbi.) I'm afraid every word of it is true. Not that you'll trust me. I love my husband more than anyone in the world. He makes me laugh out loud on a daily basis, and we have been blissfully married for over twelve years. He is the head of our home, a scholar, a gentleman, a comedian, a great dad, a wonderful husband, a gifted teacher and preacher, and a talented drummer, guitar player, and singer.He is also an acc[...] Source: That's My Whole Thing They love the crazy chick with the see-through dress and the bit with the flowers There’s no business like show business, even when you’re the Bard. I love this sketch about the creative process at work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwbB6B0cQs4 Less temperamental: humor-blogs.com. HT to Jennifer Rahn. Share [...] Source: The Skwib I Wonder If The Christian Rock Group P.O.D Was Actually Named After Passive Odor Dispensers? (Their Music Does Stink, After All) While roosting on the potty at Kroger's grocery store last week I noticed these air-freshener devices strategically placed throughout the bathroom.I think it's most unfortunate that Kroger's resorted to using such cut-rate sanitizing tools. Why would they assume that something labeled as "passive" would put up a valiant deodorizing effort in fighting the evil armies of malodorous poopy particles?Now, I've been characterized as demonstrating extreme passive/aggressive behavior on occasion- but ne[...] Source: The Smiling Infidel The "What Was Willy Thinking?" Offensive Yay! I have decided to add an Offended Blogger caption contest here for those who would like to participate, (and I know you will when you see who the star of the contest is! ;)Claire, over at A Little Piece of Me, has graciously lent me her most prized possession - the Wonderful Mr. Willy - for us to play with!! I know!!That's right, I just love that little fecker (hmmm... or would that be pecker??). Willy is just soooo adorable, is always "up" for the job at hand, and always has that silly gri[...] Source: The Offended Blogger Tagging Trouble So I got a call, yesterday, from Trenton's friend's mother. It turns out that Trenton and his friend, Cameron, did a little art work in the school bathroom. I had not received a call from the school regarding the matter, and was curious to know how Trenton's involvement in the crime was unveiled. Apparently, the boys had a green marker in their possesion. Cameron had it first, made his mark on the toilet and then passed it to Trenton. Trenton then added his own graffitti and kept the marker.The [...] Source: Seven Seeds The "New Rules for Pandas and Jesus" Offensive (The "What Was Willy Thinking?" caption contest will officially close soon, so for those of you who participated, thank you!! For those who haven't yet, hurry!!The voting begins this weekend on the Weekender Offender post which will be up sometime tomorrow so make sure you come back to cast your vote, and may the Best Willy Win!! ) From the upcoming "2008 Guide to All Things Offensive" by Chelle B.:Rule #1 - Pandas are no longer allowed to be Chinese.Rule #2 - This naturally means that Jesus, my[...] Source: The Offended Blogger The "New Rules for Pandas and Jesus" Offensive (The "What Was Willy Thinking?" caption contest will officially close soon, so for those of you who participated, thank you!! For those who haven't yet, hurry!!The voting begins this weekend on the Weekender Offender post which will be up sometime tomorrow so make sure you come back to cast your vote, and may the Best Willy Win!! ) From the upcoming "2008 Guide to All Things Offensive" by Chelle B.:Rule #1 - Pandas are no longer allowed to be Chinese.Rule #2 - This naturally means that Jesus, my[...] Source: The Offended Blogger Ave Sharia From the Nation that gives us place names like Dorking, Duck End, Felldownhead, and the ever popular Frisby On The Wreake, (I love it when I don't have to work hard making things up.) comes word from the Archbishop of the Canterbury and head of the Church of England, Dr Rowan Williams (two great comedic names, oh joy!) who has declared that Sharia and Parliamentary law should be given equal legal status in Great Britain so the people could choose which governs their lives.Dr Rowan Williams: 'We [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Caption Contest: Indiana Jones You know the rules. Submit your caption in the comments. I'll post the best ones in a poll on Tuesday. Have a swell weekend!It drops on 2/18.Listed on humor-blogs.com.[...] My Abhorration For Recuperation I love sick kids. Not the puking, diarrhea kind. Just the feverish, lethargic kind. Yesterday afternoon, Ella and Reed both ran fevers and were too tired to cause their usual mayhem. It was a nice change of pace. Sound mean? Hey, having ill children means that I get to use the bathroom, clean some stuff and blog...what is so wrong about that?What's more, I get babysitters much easier when the kids are sick. Last night, at the school function, I was asked to help out at the student store today. [...] Source: Seven Seeds Well, since you made it sound so appealing... submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Rachel H., GAWe put the "fun" in dysfunction!--------------------------------------------------originally posted on Unnecessary Quotation MarksPhoto by Cicely from GABefore they get too smug about that fact, they might want to look into what the Bible has to say about human ancestry.----------------------------------------------------"Attend church online!"submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombatHebrews 10:25: "Do not forsake the[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs SHOUT it out! Well, today has been, thus far, quite enlightening. I swear, I only took my eyes off of the boy for 2 minutes. Suddenly I realized that it was deafeningly quiet in the house. Which, of course, means that the little shit was Up To Something. I walk into the laundry room to find him with my beloved bottle of Shout. The bottle had been full and was now pretty much empty. He had sprayed it all over the fridge in there. It was also oozing out of his mouth and onto his shirt (which I'm guessing is goi[...] Source: The Blog of Bex End Of An Era Although we are nearly a decade into the twenty-first century, this week marks the true end of an era. My grandfather, Clarence “Buck” Diggs, died this week, mere days away from his 102nd birthday. Something of a legend in the lumber towns of northern California, Buck was a larger than life figure. He was a friend to many and an inspiration to all. The world will be a lonelier place without him. Right now I am traveling back to the west coast and will be out of contact for a bit, bu[...] Source: The Ominous Comma Eye-kee-uh! Last weekend we decided to drive 180km to a well-known Swedish furniture store, since we absolutely could not live with our horrid computer desk any longer. We were also in need of several other items, such as a rug for the hall, some end tables and something to keep Ro's dollhouse on. Since prices in any regular furniture store are outrageous, we decided it was well worth the drive.Before:We got lost. This place should be easy to find because it's big. No, let me rephrase that: it's huge. [...] Source: The Rain in Spain... Tag Larkin Always Wins Tag Larkin always wins. When Tag Larkin goes to St. Mortimer Ichabod Marker Bingo Hall, Tag Larkin brings his own cards. They’re blank and he writes in his own numbers. Sure, the church volunteers and the priest try to dissuade him from using them, and then try to make him leave. But Tag Larkin doesn’t listen to them. Tag Larkin is too busy counting his bingo prize money. Tag Larkin always wins. If you best Tag Larkin in a best-of-three set game of tennis, he’ll make you pl[...] Source: Renal Failure Tag Larkin Always Wins Tag Larkin always wins. When Tag Larkin goes to St. Mortimer Ichabod Marker Bingo Hall, Tag Larkin brings his own cards. They’re blank and he writes in his own numbers. Sure, the church volunteers and the priest try to dissuade him from using them, and then try to make him leave. But Tag Larkin doesn’t listen to them. Tag Larkin is too busy counting his bingo prize money. Tag Larkin always wins. If you best Tag Larkin in a best-of-three set game of tennis, he’ll make you pl[...] Source: Renal Failure Ninjas don’t care about your Second Amendment Rights. There are two key anxieties gun enthusiasts have that fuels their arsenal build-ups. One of them is the government coming onto their property (G. Gordon Liddy says aim for the head, because government agents wear body armor). The other is home invasions. If one gun the house makes them feel safe against a home intruder, then it stands to reason that ten guns would make them feel ten times as a safe. And the bigger the firearm the safer you are, or so that line of thinking goes. But there is [...] Source: Renal Failure Ninjas don’t care about your Second Amendment Rights. There are two key anxieties gun enthusiasts have that fuels their arsenal build-ups. One of them is the government coming onto their property (G. Gordon Liddy says aim for the head, because government agents wear body armor). The other is home invasions. If one gun the house makes them feel safe against a home intruder, then it stands to reason that ten guns would make them feel ten times as a safe. And the bigger the firearm the safer you are, or so that line of thinking goes. But there is [...] Source: Renal Failure Ninjas don’t care about your Second Amendment Rights. There are two key anxieties gun enthusiasts have that fuels their arsenal build-ups. One of them is the government coming onto their property (G. Gordon Liddy says aim for the head, because government agents wear body armor). The other is home invasions. If one gun the house makes them feel safe against a home intruder, then it stands to reason that ten guns would make them feel ten times as a safe. And the bigger the firearm the safer you are, or so that line of thinking goes. But there is [...] Source: Renal Failure Ninjas don’t care about your Second Amendment Rights. There are two key anxieties gun enthusiasts have that fuels their arsenal build-ups. One of them is the government coming onto their property (G. Gordon Liddy says aim for the head, because government agents wear body armor). The other is home invasions. If one gun the house makes them feel safe against a home intruder, then it stands to reason that ten guns would make them feel ten times as a safe. And the bigger the firearm the safer you are, or so that line of thinking goes. But there is [...] Source: Renal Failure Yesterday Was A Lie Tonight I went to a private screening of Yesterday Was A Lie. Directed by another one of my talented (and handsome) friends, James Kerwin, the movie just won the Gold Director's Choice award in the Park City Film Music Festival. I hope you get a chance to see this mind-bending film. It will blow everything you know about life right out the window. Starring Chase Masterson (Deep Space Nine), Kipleigh Brown (Enterprise) and John Newton, the movie also features Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca!) and Jennife[...] No more drug running for me: It's Lent Lent began Wednesday, at least according to my calendar. Though I am not Catholic, I believe in the spirit of the season and therefore shall spend the weeks until Easter withholding from myself some of the pleasures of the world. I'm an American, after all. I can give crap up without even knowing I gave it up.So here is this year's Give Up List. And judging from what's on this list, the day after Easter will be one heckuva day around the Dork Household.I shall give up ...... stripping for money.[...] Source: Dorky Dad Shocking Q & A -Day 38. When you've been locked up in a mental institution, people are going to ask questions. It was OK, because I didn't have to act perfect all the time.- Drew BarrymoreI've got a short one for you today. Short. Shorty. Wee. Minuscule. Teeny. Here's a couple of "Qs" from my email I thought were interesting.Q:If you had to choose only ONE thing that drives you absolutely crazy about the bats, what would it be?A:The flatulence. .Did you just say "Ex-squeeze me? A-baking powder?" I’m serious.Be[...] Source: Bee's Musings Cerebral Swimmers Random thoughts swim around in my head like fish with no sense of direction. Sometimes they end up spouting out of my mouth and embarrassing me. Other times they get stuck in my frontal lobe and affect my ability to do anything normally. Most days, however, my random thoughts keep me thoroughly entertained. Here are a few little swimmers that have been my sidekicks today:1. Why do they put Box Tops (collectible point coupons that benefit childrens' schools) on products that have nothing to do wi[...] Source: Seven Seeds Naked! Germans! And Planes! (OH MY...) Take a walk with me, please. I have a topic I'd like to discuss. It involves nudity, Germans and an airplane. So if you don't want to "go there" by all means, go visit someone else's blog immediately.Ok...here is the deal. There is an airline in Germany that is offering nudist flights. Now, before you start averting your eyes at the airport be assured that these folks must enter and leave the plane fully clothed. But I have a few comments about this and, without further ado, here they are, in no[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Rickey Reports From The Santana Press Conference In the wake of the Giants’ miraculous and thrilling playoff run, we were wondering, could things possibly get any better? Well, you could say that. New York City, meet Baseball Jesus.And like any good investigative blogger worth his salt, Rickey was in attendance as Johan Santana was introduced to the New York media. (It’s a hell of a lot easier to get into the Mets press room than you’d think: Rickey crafted a primitive press pass from balsa wood and Carlos Beltran's mole excretions that easily[...] Source: Riding With Rickey 10 Quotes That Keep Me Going "A critic is someone who comes down off the mountain after the battle and shoots the wounded."~Sander Vanocur"If I had been playing for money I would have complained a long time ago that I was underpaid." ~Michael Jordan"I would rather be a failure at something I liked than be a success at something I hated."~George Burns"Mark Twain's brilliant The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn went through seventeen hundred revisions, and the most recent draft was unearthed in a Hollywood attic some years ago.[...] My Kids Are Completely Normal(ish) Normal children. What are normal children like? I've always wondered that, being that I will never know from first hand experience. I guess normalcy is relative. Take my kids, for example. In our family, stuff like this... ...is completely normal. These are not photoshopped images. That is really my one year old climbing up onto the kitchen counter, by way of the trash can. That is also him trying to reach the pantry lock with a swiffer extendable dusting arm. If that doesn't speak volumes abou[...] Source: Seven Seeds The Dramatic Pause In college, I would often sit down in front of my television with a bowl of generic Ramen noodles or a ham sandwich and watch gourmet meals being prepared on the Food Channel. Why would I do this? Well, probably for the same reason a short person watches basketball or Bill Clinton watches The Bachelor. Now, a decade later, I often turn the television channel to HGTV even though I’m a renter instead of a homeowner. Why? Well, because there’s only so much Rachel Ray a person can take. [...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid The Dramatic Pause In college, I would often sit down in front of my television with a bowl of generic Ramen noodles or a ham sandwich and watch gourmet meals being prepared on the Food Channel. Why would I do this? Well, probably for the same reason a short person watches basketball or Bill Clinton watches The Bachelor. Now, a decade later, I often turn the television channel to HGTV even though I’m a renter instead of a homeowner. Why? Well, because there’s only so much Rachel Ray a person can take. [...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid The Dramatic Pause In college, I would often sit down in front of my television with a bowl of generic Ramen noodles or a ham sandwich and watch gourmet meals being prepared on the Food Channel. Why would I do this? Well, probably for the same reason a short person watches basketball or Bill Clinton watches The Bachelor. Now, a decade later, I often turn the television channel to HGTV even though I’m a renter instead of a homeowner. Why? Well, because there’s only so much Rachel Ray a person can take. [...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid The Dramatic Pause In college, I would often sit down in front of my television with a bowl of generic Ramen noodles or a ham sandwich and watch gourmet meals being prepared on the Food Channel. Why would I do this? Well, probably for the same reason a short person watches basketball or Bill Clinton watches The Bachelor. Now, a decade later, I often turn the television channel to HGTV even though I’m a renter instead of a homeowner. Why? Well, because there’s only so much Rachel Ray a person can take. [...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Our Big Trip Part 14- Maryland and Washington, D.C. Every now and then, I import one of these “Our Big Trip” posts over from the site we used as our traveling diary while we were on Our Big Trip. Today is a now and then day. The background info about Our Big Trip is here. Sunday, October 19: Beth went to Ellicott City, and I got on my bicycle and went for a long ride. There is an extensive system of biking/walking trails all throughout Columbia, where Bill and Katie live. I saw a fox on one of them. It was a really beautiful day to ri[...] Source: The Frog Bog THE Presidential Race Theme Song! Oh yeah yeah yeahNow if there's a smile on my face,It's only there tryin' to fool the public,But when it comes down to foolin' you;Now honey, that's quite a different subject.But don't let my glad expressionGive you the wrong impression.Really I'm sad.Ah sadder than sad.You're gone and I'm hurtin' so bad.Like a clown I pretend to be glad.Ooo Oo Oo Oo!Now there's some sad things known to man,But ain't too much sadder thanThe tears of a clownWhen there's no one around.(Refrain)Ooh, oh there's some[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... THE Presidential Race Theme Song! Oh yeah yeah yeahNow if there's a smile on my face,It's only there tryin' to fool the public,But when it comes down to foolin' you;Now honey, that's quite a different subject.But don't let my glad expressionGive you the wrong impression.Really I'm sad.Ah sadder than sad.You're gone and I'm hurtin' so bad.Like a clown I pretend to be glad.Ooo Oo Oo Oo!Now there's some sad things known to man,But ain't too much sadder thanThe tears of a clownWhen there's no one around.(Refrain)Ooh, oh there's some[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Are All Males Pervs? Yesterday was my six month dentist check up. Other than my yearly pap smear, and monthly PTA meeting, it is the only time that I have an excuse to wear normal people clothing (meaning not sweats or unmatching pajamas,) and get all fancied up. So I searched out my cutest outfit, slapped on some mascara and pulled out my straightening iron. As I plugged it in, I noticed that the dog had chewed the cord. Too late...it gave me a good zap.Scratch the hair do. I found two rubber bands and did what I c[...] Source: Seven Seeds Citizens, Lend Me Your Vote! (okay, just give it to me) Good morning everyone! In addition to my daily post, I'm asking a favor of my wonderful readers (yes, I am buttering you up!) I've entered a contest over at In The Motherhood. One of my submissions is doing fairly well and I'd really love to win. The winning story gets to be made into a webisode. Really, it is just like reading one of my blog posts, but you get to vote for it when you're done. How easy and fun is that? There are no crooked politicians, campaigns (unless you count this,) and I'm [...] Source: Seven Seeds Why I Non-Endorse John McCain for President Barack Obama has been officially endorsed by Radioactive Liberty as the 2008 Presidential candidate. That revelation is missing something however. It is important that our readers know who to not vote for as well. That man is John McCain who I officially non-endorse for President and this is why. John McCain has had cancer issues This may seem unfair, but hear me out. We all know someone who has battled the disease and the physical and mental toll it takes. How the hell can someone deal wit[...] Why I Non-Endorse John McCain for President Barack Obama has been officially endorsed by Radioactive Liberty as the 2008 Presidential candidate. That revelation is missing something however. It is important that our readers know who to not vote for as well. That man is John McCain who I officially non-endorse for President and this is why. John McCain has had cancer issues This may seem unfair, but hear me out. We all know someone who has battled the disease and the physical and mental toll it takes. How the hell can someone deal wit[...] The Gospel According to Jean Luc Picard submitted/post title by frequent contributor Erik G.From now on, He's only accepting diamonds in the offering plate.------------------------------------------------------sign reads "Two words for 2008: Change and fulfillment" submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatThis is a much better idea than their 2007 theme, "Uniformity and emptiness"-----------------------------------------------"Anger is the wind that blows out the lamp of the mind."submitted by new contributor AmySo if we conquer our[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Rickey Reports From The Santana Press Conference In the wake of the Giants’ miraculous and thrilling playoff run, we were wondering, could things possibly get any better? Well, you could say that. New York City, meet Baseball Jesus.And like any good investigative blogger worth his salt, Rickey was in attendance as Johan Santana was introduced to the New York media. (It’s a hell of a lot easier to get into the Mets press room than you’d think: Rickey crafted a primitive press pass from balsa wood and Carlos Beltran's mole excretions that easily[...] Source: Riding With Rickey Professor Quippy: This Gingivitis Is Harshing My Mellow It doesn’t matter if you call it old china, fish stick, or jamumba, that tasty pot is going to make your dentist unhappy. According to a new study led by Murray Thomson at the Dunedin School of Dentistry in New Zealand (where, believe me, they are serious about their skunk weed), smoking cannabis leads to gum disease. Even worse, a quarter of those 18-32 years old who smoke it regularly have established gum disease that makes them look: clueless creepy bummed, Dude! Oh the (wasted) you[...] Source: The Skwib Professor Quippy: This Gingivitis Is Harshing My Mellow It doesn’t matter if you call it old china, fish stick, or jamumba, that tasty pot is going to make your dentist unhappy. According to a new study led by Murray Thomson at the Dunedin School of Dentistry in New Zealand (where, believe me, they are serious about their skunk weed), smoking cannabis leads to gum disease. Even worse, a quarter of those 18-32 years old who smoke it regularly have established gum disease that makes them look: clueless creepy bummed, Dude! Oh the (wasted) you[...] Source: The Skwib In the year 4706… Mikka and I are having our usual Chinese New Year lunch together down at Hedwig’s Chinese Buffet in Chin-Finn Town. “So this is the year of the Rat,” I say. “That’s what the placemat says,” says Mikka. “Year of rat bastards.” “So this is the year that everyone starts snitching?” I ask. “No, I think it’s going to be the year of the asshole,” says Mikka. “That’s a rather pessimistic outlook from someone who [...] Source: Renal Failure In the year 4706… Mikka and I are having our usual Chinese New Year lunch together down at Hedwig’s Chinese Buffet in Chin-Finn Town. “So this is the year of the Rat,” I say. “That’s what the placemat says,” says Mikka. “Year of rat bastards.” “So this is the year that everyone starts snitching?” I ask. “No, I think it’s going to be the year of the asshole,” says Mikka. “That’s a rather pessimistic outlook from someone who [...] Source: Renal Failure In the year 4706… Mikka and I are having our usual Chinese New Year lunch together down at Hedwig’s Chinese Buffet in Chin-Finn Town. “So this is the year of the Rat,” I say. “That’s what the placemat says,” says Mikka. “Year of rat bastards.” “So this is the year that everyone starts snitching?” I ask. “No, I think it’s going to be the year of the asshole,” says Mikka. “That’s a rather pessimistic outlook from someone who [...] Source: Renal Failure In the year 4706… Mikka and I are having our usual Chinese New Year lunch together down at Hedwig’s Chinese Buffet in Chin-Finn Town. “So this is the year of the Rat,” I say. “That’s what the placemat says,” says Mikka. “Year of rat bastards.” “So this is the year that everyone starts snitching?” I ask. “No, I think it’s going to be the year of the asshole,” says Mikka. “That’s a rather pessimistic outlook from someone who [...] Source: Renal Failure Mailbag #4 Yet more anonymous snippets from the emails I receive.I really don’t mind pissing off stupid people; I’m just trying to avoid alienating the smart ones.I didn't feel like drinking too much anyways so instead I took a Xanax.If I ever need a private dick, you'll be the one I call. Actually, you're not much help but you're fast.I almost tried out to be the guy that draws the numbers for the Georgia Lottery this morning.What date is your ankle surgery? I want to write it in my calendar so I can brin[...] Grooming The Groin Area I've decided to move to France. After last week's waxing episode and tonight's bikini line drama, I'm giving up on the fight against unsightly body hair, for good. Oh, that's right...you don't know about my bikini line episode. Allow me to bring you up to speed.The kids were all in bed, the house was clean and I was in need of a shower and shave. So I headed to the bathroom to rewomanize myself. No sooner had I started my grooming ritual, than my two oldest sons sauntered into the master bedroom[...] Source: Seven Seeds My vote for the Worst Boss Ever People in the workplace, be they manager or worker, are generally expected to fulfill a few fairly simple, yet unwritten expectations:1. Wear clothes. Even strip clubs prefer employees to wear some sort of attire at least some of the time. And I'm sure the receptionist at your local nudist club would probably get into trouble if he or she sat at the front desk in the buff. (I'm sure some of you nudists out there could probably tell me whether nudist club workers are required to wear clothes.)2. [...] Source: Dorky Dad My vote for the Worst Boss Ever People in the workplace, be they manager or worker, are generally expected to fulfill a few fairly simple, yet unwritten expectations:1. Wear clothes. Even strip clubs prefer employees to wear some sort of attire at least some of the time. And I'm sure the receptionist at your local nudist club would probably get into trouble if he or she sat at the front desk in the buff. (I'm sure some of you nudists out there could probably tell me whether nudist club workers are required to wear clothes.)2. [...] Source: Dorky Dad The "Church Signs say the Darndest Things!" Offensive (Pssst.... in case you didn't know, there is an Offended Blogger "What Was Willy Thinking?" caption contest going on 2 posts down, don't miss it! 60 + entries already! Voting starts Friday and the winner will be announced on Monday. A new Willy contest starts this Sunday, too. Hooyah!!)So anyhoo... after that Aussie crybaby set my effing teeth on edge earlier, I decided to just put it behind me and turn the other cheek, at church. OK, well it wasn't really church, it was actually this really fun[...] Source: The Offended Blogger My interpretation of Milton moments in G minor. (I have no clue what G minor is) Day 37. Why do you let these ladies get to you?- Brother Dan.Because I'm human little brother. (Well, human-ish.) If I were talented enough to write a song for Milton, I would.I really would.I mean, she’s been my inspiration for SO many posts that I feel I should write her a Sonata performed in my dulcet tones.I owe her that much. Since I’m just a talent-less hack, here is an open letter to Milton, asking the whys and wherefores of her peculiar behavior. Well, not so much "asking" as chronicling[...] Source: Bee's Musings Unintelligent Design. If you've been around here long, you know I talk about bathrooms a lot. For example, there's the reason I've become a stall man, there's the disgusting bathrooms where I used to work, and the bathrooms in our building where people do odd things like this and this and this and this. I'm sure there are posts that I'm forgetting, and they're probably best forgotten.Well, I'm going to do it again, in order to point out something that should be fairly obvious, but apparently is not. It has to do[...] Source: 15 Minute Lunch The Smiling Infidel Wants To Play Games With You:Guess That Movie Title! In this picture are two completely unrelated items. Well, at least they're completely unrelated where I live. Maybe pelicans in your area do happen to prance around wearing underwear. I'm no ornithologist, so I don't really know. So, to the best of your ability, can you guess the name of the movie this photo represents? On a side note, I do feel kind of bad for creeping up into these people's yard in broad daylight just to violate their beloved pelican in this way. I mean, it's nothing more than[...] Source: The Smiling Infidel Bacon: Food of the Gods Whoever said chocolate is the food of the gods had it all wrong. We all know it’s juicy, sizzlily, fattening, lickity lips BACON! How much do I love it? This weekend my family hosted a birthday party for our mother, held at my sister Marlene’s house. Marlene’s dog, Tootsie, is a great lover of Beggin’ Strips, a fake bacon doggie treat. She always gets one after she comes in from outside and I got the honor of doling one out when she pattered into the kitchen. I grabbed t[...] Source: The Junk Drawer Bacon: Food of the Gods Whoever said chocolate is the food of the gods had it all wrong. We all know it’s juicy, sizzlily, fattening, lickity lips BACON! How much do I love it? This weekend my family hosted a birthday party for our mother, held at my sister Marlene’s house. Marlene’s dog, Tootsie, is a great lover of Beggin’ Strips, a fake bacon doggie treat. She always gets one after she comes in from outside and I got the honor of doling one out when she pattered into the kitchen. I grabbed t[...] Source: The Junk Drawer It Takes One To Understand One When I was in Walgreen's today, I wanted to choke the lady who was standing behind us in line. In her boredom, she decided to comment on the kids. We are used to people commenting, but not insulting us. Mind you, she had two small children who stood quietly behind her, while mine were loud and hyper. "My, look at all your cute little monkeys!" She looked at me with a smug little smirk that I so badly wanted to smack off of her face.I've never in all my life had my children referred to as monkeys[...] Source: Seven Seeds Unintelligent Design. If you've been around here long, you know I talk about bathrooms a lot. For example, there's the reason I've become a stall man, there's the disgusting bathrooms where I used to work, and the bathrooms in our building where people do odd things like this and this and this and this. I'm sure there are posts that I'm forgetting, and they're probably best forgotten.Well, I'm going to do it again, in order to point out something that should be fairly obvious, but apparently is not. It has to do[...] Source: 15 Minute Lunch Unintelligent Design. If you've been around here long, you know I talk about bathrooms a lot. For example, there's the reason I've become a stall man, there's the disgusting bathrooms where I used to work, and the bathrooms in our building where people do odd things like this and this and this and this. I'm sure there are posts that I'm forgetting, and they're probably best forgotten.Well, I'm going to do it again, in order to point out something that should be fairly obvious, but apparently is not. It has to do[...] Source: 15 Minute Lunch The "Effing Crybabies Down Under" Offensive The "What Was Willy Thinking?" caption contest is still running until Friday, when we close the comments and start voting, so don't miss out!!! Until then, here is a fresh offense to keep you occupied. :)I swear, those effing Aussies are so easily offended. I bet if you conducted a poll on who is the easiest to offend on this whole effing planet, those effers would win. I found this effing article written by an Aussie about how the "F" bomb is too effing offensive, and it really effing rubbed me[...] Source: The Offended Blogger Feeling Vantastic! I never thought I'd be so grateful to drive a fifteen passenger van, as I am today. Sure I look like a huge dork, trying to navigate my way around the drive thru Starbucks. Yes, it gets so full of crap that when I open the door to let kids in or out, the overflow always ends up littering the sidewalks and driveway and I look so white trash.But after meeting another mom with seven kids, at Walgreen's today, I no longer feel cursed to be driving the "Great White." This lady was pulling into her sp[...] Source: Seven Seeds Rickey's Biannual Beard Bloviation We’ll be the first to confess that other than maintaining a wry sense of humor about our nation’s batshit crazy system of selecting its leaders, Rickey knows (and cares) relatively little about politics. But when the topics of politics and beard growing collide in a wondrous bristly fervor, Rickey feels downright compelled to weigh in on the matter. So come with Rickey as he examines the current state of politics, as seen through the rubric of facial hair exhibition.How did we get here, you migh[...] Source: Riding With Rickey Terminator vs. Highlander: The Sarah Connor McLeod Chronicles Sarah Connor McLeod, proud Highlander woman, is tending her sheep in the Scottish Highlands, when a hulking stranger wearing a kilt approaches.Terminator: Are you Sarah Connor McLeod?Sarah: I am. Sarah Connor McLeod of the Clan McCleod. And who might you be, stranger?Terminator: I am a cyborg sent from the future to kill you. I was reprogrammed by a resistance fighter and sent here to prevent a terrible catastrophe.Sarah: Kill me? But why? I'm just a poor Scottish peasant type person, livin[...] The QOHA: The Ominous Comma! It's time again for the awarding of another Quality Original Humor Award.(QOHA) Once again, some lucky humor blog author; a Master (or Mistress) of his or her craft is breathing a sigh of relief. Because the Award is not going to them.For those of you who have until now shown good sense in avoiding this blog, let me fill you in on the criteria for receiving the QOHA.One, the blogger who receives the QOHA must be humanoid. (Or at least be generally bipedal.)Two, the blogger must be the author of[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... All My Troubles Seemed So Far Away I voted yesterday but nearly missed out since I didn't see my language listed.And just so we're clear, can a wheelchair go up steps now? Did I miss that tutorial? I walked down to the Fedex on Sunset Boulevard and Argyle after I voted and came across this guy up in one of those tall palm trees, the kind with a long, skinny trunk, the kind you wonder how it survives in the desert that is L.A. Trees have a tap root. Since there is water under the earth, trees send a root, probably the most unpopul[...] The Boy and the Size 13 1/2 Shoe In an effort to clean the albatross that is my bedroom, this past weekend I went through some of the items in my closet. In the process, I found many of the shoes from my youth. There were my snake skin cowboy boots, an item of fashion awesomeness that has yet to be matched. There were my Nike Air Charles Barkley USA Olympic basketball shoes circa 1992, which destroyed my feet when I wore them to Disney World on a family vacation one summer. And then there were my blue baseball cleats… It [...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid The Boy and the Size 13 1/2 Shoe In an effort to clean the albatross that is my bedroom, this past weekend I went through some of the items in my closet. In the process, I found many of the shoes from my youth. There were my snake skin cowboy boots, an item of fashion awesomeness that has yet to be matched. There were my Nike Air Charles Barkley USA Olympic basketball shoes circa 1992, which destroyed my feet when I wore them to Disney World on a family vacation one summer. And then there were my blue baseball cleats… It [...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid The Boy and the Size 13 1/2 Shoe In an effort to clean the albatross that is my bedroom, this past weekend I went through some of the items in my closet. In the process, I found many of the shoes from my youth. There were my snake skin cowboy boots, an item of fashion awesomeness that has yet to be matched. There were my Nike Air Charles Barkley USA Olympic basketball shoes circa 1992, which destroyed my feet when I wore them to Disney World on a family vacation one summer. And then there were my blue baseball cleats… It [...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid The Boy and the Size 13 1/2 Shoe In an effort to clean the albatross that is my bedroom, this past weekend I went through some of the items in my closet. In the process, I found many of the shoes from my youth. There were my snake skin cowboy boots, an item of fashion awesomeness that has yet to be matched. There were my Nike Air Charles Barkley USA Olympic basketball shoes circa 1992, which destroyed my feet when I wore them to Disney World on a family vacation one summer. And then there were my blue baseball cleats… It [...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Rickey's Biannual Beard Bloviation We’ll be the first to confess that other than maintaining a wry sense of humor about our nation’s batshit crazy system of selecting its leaders, Rickey knows (and cares) relatively little about politics. But when the topics of politics and beard growing collide in a wondrous bristly fervor, Rickey feels downright compelled to weigh in on the matter. So come with Rickey as he examines the current state of politics, as seen through the rubric of facial hair exhibition.How did we get here, you migh[...] Source: Riding With Rickey So to speak... submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold Hendrix"Kindness", along with all those other pseudo-fruits of the Spirit: "Love", "Joy", "Peace", etc...----------------------------------------------------- "On Super Sunday, a Super Savior"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Steve SensenigAs opposed to every other Sunday, when He's just sort of mediocre.---------------------------------------------------- "What say I unto you say I unto all"submitted by frequent contributo[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs So to speak... submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold Hendrix"Kindness", along with all those other pseudo-fruits of the Spirit: "Love", "Joy", "Peace", etc...----------------------------------------------------- "On Super Sunday, a Super Savior"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Steve SensenigAs opposed to every other Sunday, when He's just sort of mediocre.---------------------------------------------------- "What say I unto you say I unto all"submitted by frequent contributo[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs When in Rome You know what Harvey hated? He really hated it when people misquoted things or used sayings the wrong way. For example: the proof is in the pudding. “No fucker.” Harvey would say, “the proof isn’t in the god-damned pudding, the proof of the pudding is in the eating. “Like, it’s not, ‘you have your cake and eat it too.’ Of course you can. What you can’t do, you miserable pustule, is you can’t eat your cake and have it too. ̶[...] Source: The Skwib To Whom… “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” ~ Dr. Seuss To Whom it May and/or May Not Concern, Due to reasons well beyond our control, Snuppy & Company won’t be in today. Maybe not tomorrow. Possibly never. Now don’t you cry for us, Argentina. Don’t. Instead, wipe your noses, then go HERE and have a good laugh. Trust us, you’ll feel better in no time. And so will we. Apologies for any inconveniences we may have caused you and/or your funny bone. Sincer[...] Source: Central Snark To Whom… “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” ~ Dr. Seuss To Whom it May and/or May Not Concern, Due to reasons well beyond our control, Snuppy & Company won’t be in today. Maybe not tomorrow. Possibly never. Now don’t you cry for us, Argentina. Don’t. Instead, wipe your noses, then go HERE and have a good laugh. Trust us, you’ll feel better in no time. And so will we. Apologies for any inconveniences we may have caused you and/or your funny bone. Sincer[...] Source: Central Snark Bible? Necronomicon? I’m the guy with the gun So how do you celebrate Ash Wednesday when you’re not a Christian and you don’t want ashes smeared on your forehead to show penitence for your numerous sins? Have an Evil Dead trilogy day. Yes, for me and Mikka and his girlfriend Samurai Cathy, we spent this day watching Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2, and Army of Darkness, all starring Bruce Campbell as one of cinemas great characters, Ash. Note: Samurai Cathy likes movies with zombies in it, because she thinks of it as a training film for [...] Source: Renal Failure Bible? Necronomicon? I’m the guy with the gun So how do you celebrate Ash Wednesday when you’re not a Christian and you don’t want ashes smeared on your forehead to show penitence for your numerous sins? Have an Evil Dead trilogy day. Yes, for me and Mikka and his girlfriend Samurai Cathy, we spent this day watching Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2, and Army of Darkness, all starring Bruce Campbell as one of cinemas great characters, Ash. Note: Samurai Cathy likes movies with zombies in it, because she thinks of it as a training film for [...] Source: Renal Failure A Ninja is always prepared. Oh, wait. Is that the Boy Scouts? -Day 36. Every year, when spring comes, my mind goes to one place and one place only, Ninjas. Every time you read about Ninjas attacking somebody or assassinating some public figure, it seems to happen in the spring. I’m not sure why, it’s just the way it is.- Dwight SchruteOkay so… things here at Arkham have been a little strange since Glynda came back. She herself came back quieter, no longer her bubbly self. It’s almost like we’re in a different dimension or parallel universe where we walk on[...] Source: Bee's Musings Wife Wednesday: Super Fat Tuesday "What's a caucus?" the Boy kept asking us. Occasionally he'd ask instead what is a crocus, a caulk, or a croak. Partly because he was mixing them up, but partly because he wanted to tweak us.And who could blame him? We just subjected a 3-year-old to a caucus, which is probably considered child abuse under both state and federal law. Or at least it should be.For those of you who aren't into this sort of stuff, a caucus is when a few dozen partisan enthusiasts gather to discuss the candidates,[...] Source: Dorky Dad “Re-gifting” Chia Pets Not A Lenten Sacrifice, Argues Church Galveston, TX: People have mentioned that this year’s close proximity of the Christmas season and Lent feels strange. But it has also created a real problem: practicing “re-gifting” as Lenten sacrifice. “It began when parishioners were offering Chia Pets and George Foreman grills to the Church this week, and said it was their contribution to Operation Rice Bowl,” said pastoral associate Jean LeBeau of Most Holy Angels Church in Galveston. “I realize that some of their impulse may be a moveme[...] Source: The Ironic Catholic “Re-gifting” Not A Lenten Sacrifice, Argues Church Galveston, TX: People have mentioned that this year’s close proximity of the Christmas season and Lent feels strange. But it has also created a real problem: practicing “re-gifting” as Lenten sacrifice. “It began when parishioners were offering Chia Pets and George Foreman grills to the Church this week, and said it was their contribution to Operation Rice Bowl,” said pastoral associate Jean LeBeau of Most Holy Angels Church in Galveston. “I realize that some of their impulse may be a moveme[...] Source: The Ironic Catholic Batman versus the Democrats. Listed on Humor-Blogs.com I didn’t want to write this but in reviewing some of the blogs that I’ve committed against you, I realized that this was sadly inevitable. About ten months ago, I wrote the definitive early assessment of the Republican presidential primary: Batman versus the Republicans. In looking back at that post, it seems that [...][...] Source: The Reasonable Ego John McCain is a scum-sucking pig. Haha (The haha is so I can call this a humor article.)I was out cutting more firewood, because I seem to have underestimated my needs this year by about five months. Its nice to see improvement in my estimating skills.Anyway, I took a news break at the top of the hour, because, well, because I care about my readers. And I could no longer feel my toes up to my knees.But I like to stay on top of breaking developments so that I can quickly twist them to my own version of humorous reality. That's when [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Odd Exchanges From The Master Suite If you've ever been lurking outside my bedroom door at night, you'd probably laugh your ass off. Either that, or pity my husband and I for allowing ourselves to get so comfortable in our marriage that we have conversations like this:Me: Uuuugh! What's that smell? Did you eat that gouda cheese again?D: Yup.Me: Your breath is nasty! Can you turn the other way?D: Sure, if you remove your sasquatch legs from my side of the bed!Me: You know, there is a huge bottle of Listerine in the bathroom.D: Oh y[...] Source: Seven Seeds Odd Exchanges From The Master Suite If you've ever been lurking outside my bedroom door at night, you'd probably laugh your ass off. Either that, or pity my husband and I for allowing ourselves to get so comfortable in our marriage that we have conversations like this:Me: Uuuugh! What's that smell? Did you eat that gouda cheese again?D: Yup.Me: Your breath is nasty! Can you turn the other way?D: Sure, if you remove your sasquatch legs from my side of the bed!Me: You know, there is a huge bottle of Listerine in the bathroom.D: Oh y[...] Source: Seven Seeds All Work and no Play Make Kevin go Crazy Even though I have an office job, “meetings” do not dominate my schedule the way they probably do most office workers. In my two plus years in this work environment, I say I’ve had to endure being trapped in a meeting maybe only one hour a week on average. However, for the past two weeks I have had an endless caravan of meetings to attend. I would consider these meetings a pleasant change from my daily routine if not for the fact they are so terribly, terribly unpleasant. I equ[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid All Work and no Play Make Kevin go Crazy Even though I have an office job, “meetings” do not dominate my schedule the way they probably do most office workers. In my two plus years in this work environment, I say I’ve had to endure being trapped in a meeting maybe only one hour a week on average. However, for the past two weeks I have had an endless caravan of meetings to attend. I would consider these meetings a pleasant change from my daily routine if not for the fact they are so terribly, terribly unpleasant. I equ[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid All Work and no Play Make Kevin go Crazy Even though I have an office job, “meetings” do not dominate my schedule the way they probably do most office workers. In my two plus years in this work environment, I say I’ve had to endure being trapped in a meeting maybe only one hour a week on average. However, for the past two weeks I have had an endless caravan of meetings to attend. I would consider these meetings a pleasant change from my daily routine if not for the fact they are so terribly, terribly unpleasant. I equ[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid All Work and no Play Make Kevin go Crazy Even though I have an office job, “meetings” do not dominate my schedule the way they probably do most office workers. In my two plus years in this work environment, I say I’ve had to endure being trapped in a meeting maybe only one hour a week on average. However, for the past two weeks I have had an endless caravan of meetings to attend. I would consider these meetings a pleasant change from my daily routine if not for the fact they are so terribly, terribly unpleasant. I equ[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid The Only Book I Ever Regret Reading I learned about sex the way most kids, whose parents did not have big enough huevos to approach the subject head on, are educated. My mother handed me a book called Where Did I Come From? I read it in disgust and confusion. It tainted my favorable view of the once cute cartoony type characters that graced my beloved Saturday morning shows. I remember thinking, "Even cartoon characters do this? Sick."Why someone would ever think it okay to write a sex ed book for children using chubby cartoonish [...] Source: Seven Seeds The Only Book I Ever Regret Reading I learned about sex the way most kids, whose parents did not have big enough huevos to approach the subject head on, are educated. My mother handed me a book called Where Did I Come From? I read it in disgust and confusion. It tainted my favorable view of the once cute cartoony type characters that graced my beloved Saturday morning shows. I remember thinking, "Even cartoon characters do this? Sick."Why someone would ever think it okay to write a sex ed book for children using chubby cartoonish [...] Source: Seven Seeds The Only Book I Ever Regret Reading I learned about sex the way most kids, whose parents did not have big enough huevos to approach the subject head on, are educated. My mother handed me a book called Where Did I Come From? I read it in disgust and confusion. It tainted my favorable view of the once cute cartoony type characters that graced my beloved Saturday morning shows. I remember thinking, "Even cartoon characters do this? Sick."Why someone would ever think it okay to write a sex ed book for children using chubby cartoonish [...] Source: Seven Seeds The Only Book I Ever Regret Reading I learned about sex the way most kids, whose parents did not have big enough huevos to approach the subject head on, are educated. My mother handed me a book called Where Did I Come From? I read it in disgust and confusion. It tainted my favorable view of the once cute cartoony type characters that graced my beloved Saturday morning shows. I remember thinking, "Even cartoon characters do this? Sick."Why someone would ever think it okay to write a sex ed book for children using chubby cartoonish [...] Source: Seven Seeds The Only Book I Ever Regret Reading I learned about sex the way most kids, whose parents did not have big enough huevos to approach the subject head on, are educated. My mother handed me a book called Where Did I Come From? I read it in disgust and confusion. It tainted my favorable view of the once cute cartoony type characters that graced my beloved Saturday morning shows. I remember thinking, "Even cartoon characters do this? Sick."Why someone would ever think it okay to write a sex ed book for children using chubby cartoonish [...] Source: Seven Seeds The Only Book I Ever Regret Reading I learned about sex the way most kids, whose parents did not have big enough huevos to approach the subject head on, are educated. My mother handed me a book called Where Did I Come From? I read it in disgust and confusion. It tainted my favorable view of the once cute cartoony type characters that graced my beloved Saturday morning shows. I remember thinking, "Even cartoon characters do this? Sick."Why someone would ever think it okay to write a sex ed book for children using chubby cartoonish [...] Source: Seven Seeds VD Cards (redux) Even radioactive mutants need love. Happy VD! Will you still love me when Seth releases me from the underworld? Cause I’ll find you. Happy VD! Last night I had the strangest dream … I was filling bottles … thousands of bottles … and when I awoke, all I could think of was you. Happy VD! Humor-blogs.com are mutants undead who also make us fill bottles. Share [...] Source: The Skwib A Call For Pictorial Submissions Today, your Superbowl Champions, the New York Giants, will culminate their brilliant playoff run by marching down the Canyon of Heroes in lower Manhattan. If any of our NYC readers snag any photos of the festivities, feel free to email them to Rickey at manofsteal@live.com and we’ll toss ‘em up on the site tomorrow. Sorry Bostonians, no joyous duck boat parade for you folks this year, but hey, if you feel like arranging a sullen procession down the "Trench of Shame" (aka, Newbury Street, and/o[...] Source: Riding With Rickey Innuendo Records Unveils Ominous Album…Meme , At long last I have completed my entry to the album meme. As always, the Comma is dedicated to the arts, especially the fine art of procrastination. In fact, I am such a supporter of that particular discipline that Catherine who originally tagged me for this honor, must have despaired that I would ever undertake the task. But I have and here is the dubious result. Included tracks: There Goes My Spleen Again Technorati Blues Irrigate My Corpuscles (But Please Don’t Break My Heart) Rock[...] Source: The Ominous Comma Innuendo Records Unveils Ominous Album…Meme , At long last I have completed my entry to the album meme. As always, the Comma is dedicated to the arts, especially the fine art of procrastination. In fact, I am such a supporter of that particular discipline that Catherine who originally tagged me for this honor, must have despaired that I would ever undertake the task. But I have and here is the dubious result. Included tracks: There Goes My Spleen Again Technorati Blues Irrigate My Corpuscles (But Please Don’t Break My Heart) Rock[...] Source: The Ominous Comma Innuendo Records Unveils Ominous Album…Meme , At long last I have completed my entry to the album meme. As always, the Comma is dedicated to the arts, especially the fine art of procrastination. In fact, I am such a supporter of that particular discipline that Catherine who originally tagged me for this honor, must have despaired that I would ever undertake the task. But I have and here is the dubious result. Included tracks: There Goes My Spleen Again Technorati Blues Irrigate My Corpuscles (But Please Don’t Break My Heart) Rock[...] Source: The Ominous Comma Innuendo Records Unveils Ominous Album…Meme , At long last I have completed my entry to the album meme. As always, the Comma is dedicated to the arts, especially the fine art of procrastination. In fact, I am such a supporter of that particular discipline that Catherine who originally tagged me for this honor, must have despaired that I would ever undertake the task. But I have and here is the dubious result. Included tracks: There Goes My Spleen Again Technorati Blues Irrigate My Corpuscles (But Please Don’t Break My Heart) Rock[...] Source: The Ominous Comma Innuendo Records Unveils Ominous Album…Meme , At long last I have completed my entry to the album meme. As always, the Comma is dedicated to the arts, especially the fine art of procrastination. In fact, I am such a supporter of that particular discipline that Catherine who originally tagged me for this honor, must have despaired that I would ever undertake the task. But I have and here is the dubious result. Included tracks: There Goes My Spleen Again Technorati Blues Irrigate My Corpuscles (But Please Don’t Break My Heart) Rock[...] Source: The Ominous Comma Innuendo Records Unveils Ominous Album…Meme , At long last I have completed my entry to the album meme. As always, the Comma is dedicated to the arts, especially the fine art of procrastination. In fact, I am such a supporter of that particular discipline that Catherine who originally tagged me for this honor, must have despaired that I would ever undertake the task. But I have and here is the dubious result. Included tracks: There Goes My Spleen Again Technorati Blues Irrigate My Corpuscles (But Please Don’t Break My Heart) Rock[...] Source: The Ominous Comma Innuendo Records Unveils Ominous Album???Meme , At long last I have completed my entry to the album meme. As always, the Comma is dedicated to the arts, especially the fine art of procrastination. In fact, I am such a supporter of that particular discipline that Catherine who originally tagged me for this honor, must have despaired that I would ever undertake the task. But I have and here is the dubious result. Included tracks: There Goes My Spleen Again Technorati Blues Irrigate My Corpuscles (But Please Don’t Break My Heart) Rock[...] Source: The Ominous Comma A Plan To Revitalize Something Other Than the Economy. With the American dollar plummeting, the US government is desperately seeking a way to turn the economy around and stop the country’s potential slide into an obscurity rivaling that of Belgium, or even Canada. The latest plan, as you have likely heard, is to send every American a “tax rebate” check from anywhere between 300 and 1200 dollars, trusting that Americans will continue their longstanding tradition of pretending the money is on fire and forking it over to the nearest retailer as soon as[...] Source: Central Snark A Plan To Revitalize Something Other Than the Economy. With the American dollar plummeting, the US government is desperately seeking a way to turn the economy around and stop the country’s potential slide into an obscurity rivaling that of Belgium, or even Canada. The latest plan, as you have likely heard, is to send every American a “tax rebate” check from anywhere between 300 and 1200 dollars, trusting that Americans will continue their longstanding tradition of pretending the money is on fire and forking it over to the nearest retailer as soon as[...] Source: Central Snark A Plan To Revitalize Something Other Than the Economy. With the American dollar plummeting, the US government is desperately seeking a way to turn the economy around and stop the country’s potential slide into an obscurity rivaling that of Belgium, or even Canada. The latest plan, as you have likely heard, is to send every American a “tax rebate” check from anywhere between 300 and 1200 dollars, trusting that Americans will continue their longstanding tradition of pretending the money is on fire and forking it over to the nearest retailer as soon as[...] Source: Central Snark A Plan To Revitalize Something Other Than the Economy. With the American dollar plummeting, the US government is desperately seeking a way to turn the economy around and stop the country’s potential slide into an obscurity rivaling that of Belgium, or even Canada. The latest plan, as you have likely heard, is to send every American a “tax rebate” check from anywhere between 300 and 1200 dollars, trusting that Americans will continue their longstanding tradition of pretending the money is on fire and forking it over to the nearest retailer as soon as[...] Source: Central Snark A Plan To Revitalize Something Other Than the Economy. With the American dollar plummeting, the US government is desperately seeking a way to turn the economy around and stop the country’s potential slide into an obscurity rivaling that of Belgium, or even Canada. The latest plan, as you have likely heard, is to send every American a “tax rebate” check from anywhere between 300 and 1200 dollars, trusting that Americans will continue their longstanding tradition of pretending the money is on fire and forking it over to the nearest retailer as soon as[...] Source: Central Sn |