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Archive for 2/17/2008 to 2/24/2008Catchin' Up SaturdayLet's call this the meme/award/plug/update on life blow-out post of the year.AwardsA number of blogs (just another day of catholic pondering, the mommy memoir, Nunblog, We Belong to the Lord) named me as an E for Excellent Blog. How sweet and cool is that. I thank you and return the link love! But I just can't choose 10 blogs to pass this along to: I nearly broke into hives nominating solitary blogs for the Catholic Blog Awards categories. So I am like those people who break a chain letter:[...] Source: The Ironic Catholic  Catchin' Up Saturday Let's call this the meme/award/plug/update on life blow-out post of the year.AwardsA number of blogs (just another day of catholic pondering, the mommy memoir, Nunblog, We Belong to the Lord) named me as an E for Excellent Blog. How sweet and cool is that. I thank you and return the link love! But I just can't choose 10 blogs to pass this along to: I nearly broke into hives nominating solitary blogs for the Catholic Blog Awards categories. So I am like those people who break a chain letter:[...] Source: The Ironic Catholic Saturday Evening Post: Sidekick Interview (pt.1) As discussed previously, (Here, as a matter of fact) I am presently interviewing for a fictional sidekick to take some of the humor-writing load off me at "It's a funny thing...Inc." I'm still offering the generous finder's fee as described above, and I will be looking, with increased desperation, at every suggestion you, my readers, send my way.I've already received a number of comments. A few of them have been thoughtful and considerate, and based upon the experience of highly respected and [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... The Weekender Offender Hey fellow offenders, it's the weekend again and this Weekender Offender is dedicated to the man with THE BESTEST FECKING WILLY EVER.... Mr. .45 himself. His entry into the "What Was Willy Reading" Offensive blew the other two dicks right out of the water!!So congratulations to the man with the best Willy and to celebrate, here is a little visual of Willy himself reading the winning title (as made by the lovely and talented Claire, the doodle Queen of England):.45's ad will be in my sidebar all[...] Source: The Offended Blogger Top 5 Girl Scout Cookie Flavors Well, I’m back. Back with a vengeance. AAARRRGGHH! No, I’m not really back with a vengeance. But I am back with some Girl Scout Cookies. Yes, as those of you who have a Girl Scout in your life know, it’s that time of year. Instead of going into the gory details of my most enjoyable time off, I thought I’d get right to the important business of Girl Scout Cookie power rankings. 1. Samoas (AKA Caramel deLites) (vanilla cookies dipped in caramel, rolled in coconut an[...] Source: The Frog Bog Did You Know That Party City Is Next To Funkytown? It's true! Seems that we were doing something close to nothing, but different than the day before. And that's when we saw them, ooooh, we saw them. They stood IN at the OUT door! (Neither wore a raspberry beret) We have glimpsed the future of Green politics in America.......and it involves costume looks inspired by the Jolly Green Giant's vomit. The model above is working it in her official Green Party Representative Uniform. If the Green Party ever seizes power, this is a sample of what they'd [...] Source: The Smiling Infidel Why steal from hacks? Pick on someone good! -Day 54. Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.- Howard Aiken So... There I was, in the middle of the night (9:30 pm-ish), looking for a small used desk on Craigslist, (my accountant will not approve a purchase of a new one for blogging purposes, he also doesn't care that my booty becomes numb, my back and neck ache from sitting on our uncomfortable art deco couches because the only spot for my laptop is on the cof[...] Source: Bee's Musings Day of Masacre and Love. ? -Day 45. I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.- Author UnknownWell it’s V-Day again. In honor of today, I’ve decided to write a little love letter at the end of this post..The next segment is called:.Stupid is as stupid does. 4 Parts. .STUPID.[while using my teddy bear Santa pen]Toto:You know Christmas passed right?.Bee:No I didn't, I’m glad you told me! Ol[...] Source: Bee's Musings I second that notion... Daniel and I may not be the perfect example of marital bliss...actually we're pretty close. But we're not perfect. One thing I can say about us, is that we are in sync when it comes to the kids. Tonight, for instance, we were getting dinner ready, putting away laundry and having a glass of wine. As Daniel picked up his glass and swigged its contents, I noticed the salt shaker sitting near by. I knew immediately what it was doing there, but had no time to warn Daniel. He found out the hard way, t[...] Source: Seven Seeds I second that notion... Daniel and I may not be the perfect example of marital bliss...actually we're pretty close. But we're not perfect. One thing I can say about us, is that we are in sync when it comes to the kids. Tonight, for instance, we were getting dinner ready, putting away laundry and having a glass of wine. As Daniel picked up his glass and swigged its contents, I noticed the salt shaker sitting near by. I knew immediately what it was doing there, but had no time to warn Daniel. He found out the hard way, t[...] Source: Seven Seeds I second that notion... Daniel and I may not be the perfect example of marital bliss...actually we're pretty close. But we're not perfect. One thing I can say about us, is that we are in sync when it comes to the kids. Tonight, for instance, we were getting dinner ready, putting away laundry and having a glass of wine. As Daniel picked up his glass and swigged its contents, I noticed the salt shaker sitting near by. I knew immediately what it was doing there, but had no time to warn Daniel. He found out the hard way, t[...] Source: Seven Seeds Just Like Their Mother My kids helped to prove two theories today:1. Marlie passed her multiplication test. She is the top student in her class. This proves that my kids have inherited my book smarts!2. This afternoon, Daniel Jr. walked up and put his hand on the hot cookie sheet after I specifically instructed him not to do so, and then was pissed that he burned his hand. This proves that my children also inherited my common sense...(shitballs!)**Side Note: I am offering all of my faithful blog readers/business owner[...] Source: Seven Seeds Just Like Their Mother My kids helped to prove two theories today:1. Marlie passed her multiplication test. She is the top student in her class. This proves that my kids have inherited my book smarts!2. This afternoon, Daniel Jr. walked up and put his hand on the hot cookie sheet after I specifically instructed him not to do so, and then was pissed that he burned his hand. This proves that my children also inherited my common sense...(shitballs!)**Side Note: I am offering all of my faithful blog readers/business owner[...] Source: Seven Seeds Just Like Their Mother My kids helped to prove two theories today:1. Marlie passed her multiplication test. She is the top student in her class. This proves that my kids have inherited my book smarts!2. This afternoon, Daniel Jr. walked up and put his hand on the hot cookie sheet after I specifically instructed him not to do so, and then was pissed that he burned his hand. This proves that my children also inherited my common sense...(shitballs!)**Side Note: I am offering all of my faithful blog readers/business owner[...] Source: Seven Seeds The Enigma That Is Me Okay, I know that there are a lot of questions that need answering, regarding our Supernanny episode. So here are my answers: Yes, No, No, No, Maybe, Sometimes, Yes, Only On Fridays. There! I think that pretty much covers it. Before you all get a sneak peek into the chaos that truly is my life, I thought that this little survey would give you a good idea of why I would ever dream of letting total strangers into my house to film my every fault. Other than the obvious answer of, I'm a glutton for [...] Source: Seven Seeds The Enigma That Is Me Okay, I know that there are a lot of questions that need answering, regarding our Supernanny episode. So here are my answers: Yes, No, No, No, Maybe, Sometimes, Yes, Only On Fridays. There! I think that pretty much covers it. Before you all get a sneak peek into the chaos that truly is my life, I thought that this little survey would give you a good idea of why I would ever dream of letting total strangers into my house to film my every fault. Other than the obvious answer of, I'm a glutton for [...] Source: Seven Seeds It's Everyone Can Bite Me Friday! My arch enemy Jenée has gone to Afghanistan to entertain the troops but usually works one of the bars at The Academy Awards at this time of year. Normally I would twist those words into something immature and sexual but instead I'm just going to wish her well and hope she brings me back a fly boy. One that she hasn't slept with yet. My friend Tommy got a job working at TMZ, the TV show. I think that must be a whole other war zone over there. Coincidental that TMZ and DMZ rhyme? Don't think so.I [...] Did You Know That Party City Is Next To Funkytown? It's true! Seems that we were doing something close to nothing, but different than the day before. And that's when we saw them, ooooh, we saw them. They stood IN at the OUT door! (Neither wore a raspberry beret) We have glimpsed the future of Green politics in America.......and it involves a look inspired by the Jolly Green Giant's vomit. This model is showing off the official uniform for the Green Party. If the Green Party ever seizes power, this is what they'd force everyone to wear. That's pr[...] Source: The Smiling Infidel Caption Contest: The Oscars! Yes, it's that time of year again, I guess. I can't stand the Academy Awards. What a load of pretentious crap. But hey, that's no reason for me not to capitalize on the popularity of the Oscars for my own purposes.In case you're new here, that's me rubbing shoulders with Frank Coppola, Marty Scorsese and a couple other blokes. Submit your captions in the comments. I'll post the top 10 on Tuesday. And I'll be back on Monday with a brand new post -- not to mention the second brilliant issue [...] Caption Contest: The Oscars! Yes, it's that time of year again, I guess. I can't stand the Academy Awards. What a load of pretentious crap. But hey, that's no reason for me not to capitalize on the popularity of the Oscars for my own purposes.In case you're new here, that's me rubbing shoulders with Frank Coppola, Marty Scorsese and a couple other blokes. Submit your captions in the comments. I'll post the top 10 on Tuesday. And I'll be back on Monday with a brand new post -- not to mention the second brilliant issue [...] Drumroll Please! I'm pleased (and petrified) to announce that the Prescott family is going to be on Supernanny! We filmed the episode last November, but had to wait all this time to say anything. Ugh! I hate keeping secrets like this!Our air date, according to the producers is slated for the 12th of March. HOWEVER... The press release says March 5th. Somebody's pants are on fire. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. To be on the safe side, I'm going to say March 5th. Anyway, here is my disclaimer regarding th[...] Source: Seven Seeds The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Wacky Ancient Greek Atheist Edition) Anaxagoras of Ionia presents “Hot metal, man” (circa 450 BC) –>slide 6 sun is not Helios riding a chariot in the sky it is a blazing ball of metal hot metal, man, hot metal hey, it makes as much sense! Diagoras the Atheist presents “Miracle, my ass” (circa 415 BC) –> slide 3 so this wooden statue prevented ship from sinking? throw it (Herakles) on fire if it can perform miracles, then it should have no problem otherwise, his thirteenth labour shall be[...] Source: The Skwib Short Memory. submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombatYeah...He dies for me 2000 years ago, and then NOTHING since. Thanks a lot...----------------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatDo I get to pick which four days to be faithful on?----------------------------------------------------------------"Lost? Try God's GPS of faith!"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor ChristineI know some Israelites who are wishing God would have let [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Short Memory. submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombatYeah...He dies for me 2000 years ago, and then NOTHING since. Thanks a lot...----------------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatDo I get to pick which four days to be faithful on?----------------------------------------------------------------"Lost? Try God's GPS of faith!"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor ChristineI know some Israelites who are wishing God would have let [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Short Memory. submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombatYeah...He dies for me 2000 years ago, and then NOTHING since. Thanks a lot...----------------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatDo I get to pick which four days to be faithful on?----------------------------------------------------------------"Lost? Try God's GPS of faith!"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor ChristineI know some Israelites who are wishing God would have let [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Short Memory. submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombatYeah...He dies for me 2000 years ago, and then NOTHING since. Thanks a lot...----------------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatDo I get to pick which four days to be faithful on?----------------------------------------------------------------"Lost? Try God's GPS of faith!"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor ChristineI know some Israelites who are wishing God would have let [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Short Memory. submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombatYeah...He dies for me 2000 years ago, and then NOTHING since. Thanks a lot...----------------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatDo I get to pick which four days to be faithful on?----------------------------------------------------------------"Lost? Try God's GPS of faith!"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor ChristineI know some Israelites who are wishing God would have let [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Short Memory. submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombatYeah...He dies for me 2000 years ago, and then NOTHING since. Thanks a lot...----------------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatDo I get to pick which four days to be faithful on?----------------------------------------------------------------"Lost? Try God's GPS of faith!"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor ChristineI know some Israelites who are wishing God would have let [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs 10 funny "people" you'll "meet" on Humor-Blogs. Excessive use of quotation marks piss me off too. So…I’ve gotten a couple of people questioning me in regards to the clicking of Humor-Blogs.The questions have been:1) “Do I click from your blog there or from Humor-Blogs to you?”2) “What do I do once I get there?”3) “How much money do you make?”4) "Why do you think you're so cool? Do you think maybe it's all in your head?".............................................................1) Okay, in order for the click to count, you have to click from MY blog (my actual blog and not the Feed) to Humo[...] Source: Bee's Musings Who would you do: Vicki Iseman vs. Lindsay Lohan vs. A Young Willie Aames I have “Groovy Kind of Love” by Phil Collins stuck in my head right now and I want to jump out the window to make it end. Instead I decided to write a blog answering the biggest question I have been asked all week, “What do you think about the Lohan pictures?” There is no secret that I have had an obsession with that girl’s rack for a long time. It started way after he appearance in the remake of the Parent Trap, I just want to make that clear to everyone. So today [...] Source: Pointless Banter Statistics show that she will kill you A little known fact about Ninja Vicki, unless you remember her first ever appearance on Renal Failure, is that she is a college graduate. “Got my degree in English from Katana Tech University in Sword Town,” Ninja Vicki says. But that wasn’t the first institution of higher learning. And English wasn’t even her first choice of what to major in. “I spent my first freshman semester at Chisholm College looking to major in Women’s Studies,” says Ninja Vicki.[...] Source: Renal Failure It's Everyone Can Bite Me Friday! My arch enemy Jenée has gone to Afghanistan to entertain the troops but usually works one of the bars at The Academy Awards at this time of year. Normally I would twist those words into something immature and sexual but instead I'm just going to wish her well and hope she brings me back a fly boy. One that she hasn't slept with yet. My friend Tommy got a job working at TMZ, the TV show. I think that must be a whole other war zone over there. Coincidental that TMZ and DMZ rhyme? Don't think so.I [...] The "For the Record, Mr. Angry Man!" Offensive So, I won't mention names or anything, but in my "Bring on the Global Warming!" Offensive, some "Angry Man" practically accused me of being one of those Pro-White Idaho Bloggers that you always see on Fox News, and let me tell you, I was almost offended!!!I know, what a bastard, huh!!(Just between you and me, I ROFLMAO because I thought it was funny as hell, but don't tell him I said that! ;)Anyhoo... before some other Angry commentator of the Penile Persuasion gets the wrong idea and calls up t[...] Source: The Offended Blogger The "For the Record, Mr. Angry Man!" Offensive OK, so I won't mention names or anything, but in my "Bring on the Global Warming!" Offensive, some "Angry Man" practically accused me of being one of those Pro-White Idaho Bloggers that you always see on Fox News, and let me tell you, I was almost offended!!!(OK, between you and me I ROFLMAO because I thought it was funny as hell, but don't tell him that! ;)Anyhoo... before some other Angry commentator of the Penile Persuasion gets the wrong idea and calls up the ACLU to have me put on some secr[...] Source: The Offended Blogger Cabin Fever: Dorky Dad goes nuts Here's is an indication of how badly I'm afflicted with Cabin Fever right now: This evening I was dying to go to Wal-Mart to buy cat food. WAL-MART! I hate Wal-Mart. Not in a political or socioeconomic way. I just think it sucks.This is terrible. I usually don't hit the "I'm about to go nuts" stage of winter until March, when the weather flirts with us only to keep turning stupidly cold. Unfortunately, weeks and weeks and weeks of "Fricking Freezing" temperatures have stuffed my psychological he[...] Source: Dorky Dad From The Budding Flanks Of The Mississippi Recently, there has been some talk in the news about the catastrophic obesity of Mississippi. Some have called it tragic, some have called it outrageous, most have called it a matter to discuss further over lunch. But around here these harsh criticisms, interrupting years of blissful metabolic ignorance, have left residents riddled with questions. Namely: “How did this happen?”* “Who can I sue?” And, “Just who are you calling fat, blog-boy?” But as a current n[...] Source: The Ominous Comma From The Budding Flanks Of The Mississippi Recently, there has been some talk in the news about the catastrophic obesity of Mississippi. Some have called it tragic, some have called it outrageous, most have called it a matter to discuss further over lunch. But around here these harsh criticisms, interrupting years of blissful metabolic ignorance, have left residents riddled with questions. Namely: “How did this happen?”* “Who can I sue?” And, “Just who are you calling fat, blog-boy?” But as a current n[...] Source: The Ominous Comma From The Budding Flanks Of The Mississippi Recently, there has been some talk in the news about the catastrophic obesity of Mississippi. Some have called it tragic, some have called it outrageous, most have called it a matter to discuss further over lunch. But around here these harsh criticisms, interrupting years of blissful metabolic ignorance, have left residents riddled with questions. Namely: “How did this happen?”* “Who can I sue?” And, “Just who are you calling fat, blog-boy?” But as a current n[...] Source: The Ominous Comma From The Budding Flanks Of The Mississippi Recently, there has been some talk in the news about the catastrophic obesity of Mississippi. Some have called it tragic, some have called it outrageous, most have called it a matter to discuss further over lunch. But around here these harsh criticisms, interrupting years of blissful metabolic ignorance, have left residents riddled with questions. Namely: “How did this happen?”* “Who can I sue?” And, “Just who are you calling fat, blog-boy?” But as a current n[...] Source: The Ominous Comma To tip or not to tip? When I was a very little kid, there was a sign in the parcel pickup lane of our grocery store that said "No Tipping."I always thought this just meant that the guys who put the groceries in our back seat were not supposed to tip them over, although I could never figure out why they needed a sign to remind them of that. It seemed like common sense to me.It wasn't until years later that I learned what a tip was and eventually put 2 and 2 together about the grocery store sign.Now that I'm all growed[...] Source: View From The Cloud To tip or not to tip? When I was a very little kid, there was a sign in the parcel pickup lane of our grocery store that said "No Tipping."I always thought this just meant that the guys who put the groceries in our back seat were not supposed to tip them over, although I could never figure out why they needed a sign to remind them of that. It seemed like common sense to me.It wasn't until years later that I learned what a tip was and eventually put 2 and 2 together about the grocery store sign.Now that I'm all growed[...] Source: View From The Cloud To tip or not to tip? When I was a very little kid, there was a sign in the parcel pickup lane of our grocery store that said "No Tipping."I always thought this just meant that the guys who put the groceries in our back seat were not supposed to tip them over, although I could never figure out why they needed a sign to remind them of that. It seemed like common sense to me.It wasn't until years later that I learned what a tip was and eventually put 2 and 2 together about the grocery store sign.Now that I'm all growed[...] Source: View From The Cloud To tip or not to tip? When I was a very little kid, there was a sign in the parcel pickup lane of our grocery store that said "No Tipping."I always thought this just meant that the guys who put the groceries in our back seat were not supposed to tip them over, although I could never figure out why they needed a sign to remind them of that. It seemed like common sense to me.It wasn't until years later that I learned what a tip was and eventually put 2 and 2 together about the grocery store sign.Now that I'm all growed[...] Source: View From The Cloud I Need a Sidekick. (A contest, of sorts.) All of the really big humor bloggers seem to have an alter-ego. Someone to say and do outrageous things that the blog owner can play off of, or to say or do things that the blog owner is unwilling or too wise to say themselves.Which brings to mind the question, what happens when the manufactured character is actually funnier than the blog author? Does the created character begin to limit blog access for the author? Maybe punch up his work a bit? Give him the scut-work like choosing fonts or ha[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Calling All Moms! Oh, did you think I was kidding about the Swimsuit Issue? Nope, I wasn't. In fact, I have decided to ask for everyone's cooperation. If you are a mom, or know of a mom who has a sense of humor and isn't afraid to sport a swimsuit, then this post is for you! I need pictures of moms in swimsuits, preferable striking funny poses. I want the Swimsuit Issue to illustrate us in all of our glory. Get creative, have fun and be sure to shave! (Or don't, if it makes the picture even funnier!) I'm going t[...] Source: Seven Seeds Unaw"hair" Quick question for those of you who know me or have ever seen a picture of me, "Do I have a beard?"I'm only asking this because the asian ladies at the beauty salon seem to think that I do. I've never in my life noticed facial hair growing on my cheeks, jawline or chin. Yet there must be some there, because every time I go to have my waxing done, they wax my whole damn face! Now, I know that everyone has tiny peachy fuzz covering their body, but is it really something that is in need of waxing? [...] Source: Seven Seeds What is That Doing in My Kitchen? My husband's birthday present from his parents came a little early this year:Anyone venture a guess as to what this might be and what it's doing in my kitchen? If you've been to Spain, shush! Let's see if the rest figure it out.While you're thinking, visit me over at Scrivel...and vote. I don't know what all the stars are for, since we aren't getting paid or winning any prizes, but they sure do look nice.The only food you'll find at Humor-Blogs.com is food for your funny bone.[...] Source: The Rain in Spain... It all started with Eve Women are the more genteel sex, it is true. But, they are also far more evil, underneath it all. You can argue with me, if you so desire, but I will not be convinced otherwise. Case in point:During yesterday's drug raid, over at my neighbor's house, the agents knocked on my door. They wanted to know if I'd seen unusual amounts of traffic on our street, suspicious behavior or specific cars who frequented Diamond's house. I answered in my signature sarcastic tone, "No way, that 'For Sale' sign in [...] Source: Seven Seeds It all started with Eve Women are the more genteel sex, it is true. But, they are also far more evil, underneath it all. You can argue with me, if you so desire, but I will not be convinced otherwise. Case in point:During yesterday's drug raid, over at my neighbor's house, the agents knocked on my door. They wanted to know if I'd seen unusual amounts of traffic on our street, suspicious behavior or specific cars who frequented Diamond's house. I answered in my signature sarcastic tone, "No way, that 'For Sale' sign in [...] Source: Seven Seeds It all started with Eve Women are the more genteel sex, it is true. But, they are also far more evil, underneath it all. You can argue with me, if you so desire, but I will not be convinced otherwise. Case in point:During yesterday's drug raid, over at my neighbor's house, the agents knocked on my door. They wanted to know if I'd seen unusual amounts of traffic on our street, suspicious behavior or specific cars who frequented Diamond's house. I answered in my signature sarcastic tone, "No way, that 'For Sale' sign in [...] Source: Seven Seeds It all started with Eve Women are the more genteel sex, it is true. But, they are also far more evil, underneath it all. You can argue with me, if you so desire, but I will not be convinced otherwise. Case in point:During yesterday's drug raid, over at my neighbor's house, the agents knocked on my door. They wanted to know if I'd seen unusual amounts of traffic on our street, suspicious behavior or specific cars who frequented Diamond's house. I answered in my signature sarcastic tone, "No way, that 'For Sale' sign in [...] Source: Seven Seeds Total(ly rocked) lunar eclipse My dog, Calypso, and I braved the twenty-below temperatures last night so that we could enjoy the total lunar eclipse. (Actually, the dog was more interested in the trash left out for garbage pickup the next morning, but she was into the spirit of a long walk/refuse buffet.) First of all, this was a total lunar penumbral eclipse. Not one of your wussy partial eclipses. (You know it’s a total, full-on, sexy eclipse when the moon enters the earth’s penumbral shadow — it’[...] Source: The Skwib Total(ly rocked) lunar eclipse My dog, Calypso, and I braved the twenty-below temperatures last night so that we could enjoy the total lunar eclipse. (Actually, the dog was more interested in the trash left out for garbage pickup the next morning, but she was into the spirit of a long walk/refuse buffet.) First of all, this was a total lunar penumbral eclipse. Not one of your wussy partial eclipses. (You know it’s a total, full-on, sexy eclipse when the moon enters the earth’s penumbral shadow — it’[...] Source: The Skwib Total(ly rocked) lunar eclipse My dog, Calypso, and I braved the twenty-below temperatures last night so that we could enjoy the total lunar eclipse. (Actually, the dog was more interested in the trash left out for garbage pickup the next morning, but she was into the spirit of a long walk/refuse buffet.) First of all, this was a total lunar penumbral eclipse. Not one of your wussy partial eclipses. (You know it’s a total, full-on, sexy eclipse when the moon enters the earth’s penumbral shadow — it’[...] Source: The Skwib Total(ly rocked) lunar eclipse My dog, Calypso, and I braved the twenty-below temperatures last night so that we could enjoy the total lunar eclipse. (Actually, the dog was more interested in the trash left out for garbage pickup the next morning, but she was into the spirit of a long walk/refuse buffet.) First of all, this was a total lunar penumbral eclipse. Not one of your wussy partial eclipses. (You know it’s a total, full-on, sexy eclipse when the moon enters the earth’s penumbral shadow — it’[...] Source: The Skwib Total(ly rocked) lunar eclipse My dog, Calypso, and I braved the twenty-below temperatures last night so that we could enjoy the total lunar eclipse. (Actually, the dog was more interested in the trash left out for garbage pickup the next morning, but she was into the spirit of a long walk/refuse buffet.) First of all, this was a total lunar penumbral eclipse. Not one of your wussy partial eclipses. (You know it’s a total, full-on, sexy eclipse when the moon enters the earth’s penumbral shadow — it’[...] Source: The Skwib Total(ly rocked) lunar eclipse My dog, Calypso, and I braved the twenty-below temperatures last night so that we could enjoy the total lunar eclipse. (Actually, the dog was more interested in the trash left out for garbage pickup the next morning, but she was into the spirit of a long walk/refuse buffet.) First of all, this was a total lunar penumbral eclipse. Not one of your wussy partial eclipses. (You know it’s a total, full-on, sexy eclipse when the moon enters the earth’s penumbral shadow — it’[...] Source: The Skwib Total(ly rocked) lunar eclipse My dog, Calypso, and I braved the twenty-below temperatures last night so that we could enjoy the total lunar eclipse. (Actually, the dog was more interested in the trash left out for garbage pickup the next morning, but she was into the spirit of a long walk/refuse buffet.) First of all, this was a total lunar penumbral eclipse. Not one of your wussy partial eclipses. (You know it’s a total, full-on, sexy eclipse when the moon enters the earth’s penumbral shadow — it’[...] Source: The Skwib Fun With Google Being ridiculously full of himself, Rickey is always interested in the manner that lost souls roaming the internet find their way to this site like moths drawn to flame. Who is Rickey to be so fraught with hubristic curiousity, you might ask? Well no one in particular, just an anonymous internet jackass whose site happens to pop up as the third result when someone Googles the name Rickey Henderson. So we’ve got that going for us. So here, in no particular order, are a few keyword search site vis[...] Source: Riding With Rickey The Simians are unaffected: submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Alli ThompsonI guess they didn't have room to put how it messes up pretty much all of creation, too.-------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor S. Keith SuttonI've reviewed this message before, but I always enjoy putting signs up with incorrect use of homophones.-----------------------------------------------------submitted by new contributor Shelley WalshThis is a billboard from a series of sermons at a local churc[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs I Make Your Day so you don’t have to Make my day Make my day Make my make my make make my day Yo! Go on, admit it. I make your day. And best of all, I do it so you don’t have to. Actually, is it even humanly possible for someone to make their own day? “I made my day.” That doesn’t sound right. What does sound right is that Corrina at My Random Blog was kind enough to award me for making her day. Thanks, Corrina! And since we’ve determined (have we?) that it is indeed impossible to make your own day, [...] Source: I Do Things So You Don't Have To The Quality of Your Cities Craigslist Hookers is Proportionate to the Quality of the Women in Your City- The Boston Review For those of you who remember I did a groundbreaking study on this subject when I moved to Buffalo in the summer, in order to understand rest of this blog you should my initial research here. There are charts, pictures of hookers, and jokes about world leaders on that page, what isn’t there to love? Now that I have moved to Boston I had to forecast the quality of the women here and I immediately went to craigslist to apply my theory. Here are the results of my survey. Chantell Apparently [...] Source: Pointless Banter The Quality of Your Cities Craigslist Hookers is Proportionate to the Quality of the Women in Your City- The Boston Review For those of you who remember I did a groundbreaking study on this subject when I moved to Buffalo in the summer, in order to understand rest of this blog you should my initial research here. There are charts, pictures of hookers, and jokes about world leaders on that page, what isn’t there to love? Now that I have moved to Boston I had to forecast the quality of the women here and I immediately went to craigslist to apply my theory. Here are the results of my survey. Chantell Apparently [...] Source: Pointless Banter The Quality of Your Cities Craigslist Hookers is Proportionate to the Quality of the Women in Your City- The Boston Review For those of you who remember I did a groundbreaking study on this subject when I moved to Buffalo in the summer, in order to understand rest of this blog you should my initial research here. There are charts, pictures of hookers, and jokes about world leaders on that page, what isn’t there to love? Now that I have moved to Boston I had to forecast the quality of the women here and I immediately went to craigslist to apply my theory. Here are the results of my survey. Chantell Apparently [...] Source: Pointless Banter The Quality of Your Cities Craigslist Hookers is Proportionate to the Quality of the Women in Your City- The Boston Review For those of you who remember I did a groundbreaking study on this subject when I moved to Buffalo in the summer, in order to understand rest of this blog you should my initial research here. There are charts, pictures of hookers, and jokes about world leaders on that page, what isn’t there to love? Now that I have moved to Boston I had to forecast the quality of the women here and I immediately went to craigslist to apply my theory. Here are the results of my survey. Chantell Apparently [...] Source: Pointless Banter Silly Rabbit, Jews are for Kids Well, Ninja Vicki was somewhat right. Mikka’s not around as much as he used to be now that he’s got a girlfriend. Not like it’s a big absence, it just means Mikka only gets to hang out four times a week instead of six. So this means I have to find someone else to come over to watch Palestinian Children’s Programming. “What the hell is this?” says Tina the Lesbian, sitting on my couch with a fresh mojito in hand. “Did that rabbit say he was going to ea[...] Source: Renal Failure The "Bring on the Global Warming!!" Offensive So um, no offense, but I am becoming a very big fan of global warming. In fact, I am probably the biggest fan global warming has ever had at this point!!I live in the arctic zone here in Idaho, so when I hear people bitching about global warming, I just want to bury them in the twelve feet of snow that is still outside my house right now and see how they like it.Ugh!!!That's right, I want global warming to happen so badly and I don't really care who it offends because I am soooooo very, very, ve[...] Source: The Offended Blogger Wife Wed...no, Thursday: Unicorns, rainbows, and temperature charts Every little girl has her daydreams. In mine, I was friends with Anne Shirley, Laura Ingalls, and Meg Murray, characters in my favorite books. I was also really into horses and ponies for a while, and at some point I had even decided I wanted to be a ballet dancer when I grew up (though I remember hedging my bets by opting to also be a taxi driver - which sounded a bit more practical, particularly if you ever saw me dance).By the time I was into my late 20's, edging into the 30's, most of the [...] Source: Dorky Dad Wife Wed...no, Thursday: Unicorns, rainbows, and temperature charts Every little girl has her daydreams. In mine, I was friends with Anne Shirley, Laura Ingalls, and Meg Murray, characters in my favorite books. I was also really into horses and ponies for a while, and at some point I had even decided I wanted to be a ballet dancer when I grew up (though I remember hedging my bets by opting to also be a taxi driver - which sounded a bit more practical, particularly if you ever saw me dance).By the time I was into my late 20's, edging into the 30's, most of the [...] Source: Dorky Dad Wife Wed...no, Thursday: Unicorns, rainbows, and temperature charts Every little girl has her daydreams. In mine, I was friends with Anne Shirley, Laura Ingalls, and Meg Murray, characters in my favorite books. I was also really into horses and ponies for a while, and at some point I had even decided I wanted to be a ballet dancer when I grew up (though I remember hedging my bets by opting to also be a taxi driver - which sounded a bit more practical, particularly if you ever saw me dance).By the time I was into my late 20's, edging into the 30's, most of the [...] Source: Dorky Dad Profanity edited (somewhat), nobody needs to hear that from a "lady". -Day 52. I have some road rage inside of me. Traffic, especially in L.A., is a pet peeve of mine.- Katie Holmes (Ah! Another thing Katie Holmes and I have in common besides our "love" for weird mind controlling freaks visionaries! ::sigh::).Shit! Does anybody else have Prince’s “Controversy” in their head? Please help me get it out!.Okay, so I know you’re tired of hearing about my bad freakin’ weather. I know it because you’ve e-mailed to tell me how people in Oregon got like 20 feet of snow or [...] Source: Bee's Musings The "Vengeance is Mine!!" Offensive So you know that old saying, "Hell hath no fury like a woman locked in a bunker while her husband shoots arrows at a pinata target that looks like her and sings 'Jesus is just alright with me' all day."??That's right, and I made up a new one to go with it: "Vengeance is mine sayeth Chelle B.!!!".Yep, and nobody is better at vengeance OR fury than I am.Nobody!! Heh, just ask Jesus! :)Oh, wait, I almost forgot, you can't!!!I know what you're thinking, "Chelle B., you didn't! That poor Jesus!!".Ple[...] Source: The Offended Blogger The "Vengeance is Mine!!" Offensive So you know that old saying, "Hell hath no fury like a woman locked in a bunker while her husband shoots arrows at a pinata target that looks like her and sings 'Jesus is just alright with me' all day."??That's right, and I made up a new one to go with it: "Vengeance is mine sayeth Chelle B.!!!".Yep, and nobody is better at vengeance OR fury than I am.Nobody!! Heh, just ask Jesus! :)Oh, wait, I almost forgot, you can't!!!I know what you're thinking, "Chelle B., you didn't! That poor Jesus!!".Ple[...] Source: The Offended Blogger Lunar Eclipse and the Ominous Portent Tonight I witnessed the Lunar Eclipse. Unfortunately, I have a crappy digital camera with only 3x optical zoom, and a very shaky hand, so I stole a picture instead. You can find the original and more at the National Post. By my clock, it was a nearly complete Lunar eclipse at just about 10PM exactly. I’m in southeastern Pennsylvania, for your time zone and latitudinal reference. Now, while it’s really awesome to see the full moon enveloped by the Earth’s shadow, it’s a[...] Profanity edited (somewhat), nobody needs to hear that from a "lady". -Day 52. I have some road rage inside of me. Traffic, especially in L.A., is a pet peeve of mine.- Katie Holmes (Ah! Another thing Katie Holmes and I have in common besides our "love" for weird mind controlling freaks visionaries! ::sigh::).Shit! Does anybody else have Prince’s “Controversy” in their head? Please help me get it out!.Okay, so I know you’re tired of hearing about my bad freakin’ weather. I know it because you’ve e-mailed to tell me how people in Oregon got like 20 feet of snow or [...] Source: Bee's Musings Profanity edited (somewhat), nobody needs to hear that from a "lady". -Day 52. I have some road rage inside of me. Traffic, especially in L.A., is a pet peeve of mine.- Katie Holmes (Ah! Another thing Katie Holmes and I have in common besides our "love" for weird mind controlling freaks visionaries! ::sigh::).Shit! Does anybody else have Prince’s “Controversy” in their head? Please help me get it out!.Okay, so I know you’re tired of hearing about my bad freakin’ weather. I know it because you’ve e-mailed to tell me how people in Oregon got like 20 feet of snow or [...] Source: Bee's Musings Back to our regularly scheduled program... sort of. -Day 51! OH MY LORD! I'm hyperventilating!! Diesel at Mattress Police Antisocial Commentary did a post about the controversy! It's like Angelina Jolie saying she likes my style! Same feeling! The same!Did you guys just call me a kiss ass?!?! Okay.Thanks to everyone for mocking the mocker. You guys love me! Or at least don't hate me too much. Give yourselves a high five. Harder! Moving on.Elderly Reactions to my hair:Milton:“Oh. Wow! Interesting.”Translation:You just overloaded my brain.Glynda:“I[...] Source: Bee's Musings I see the future, and it looks...stripey. Phillip has made the decision not to attend school anymore. As I dressed him this morning, he informed me that he has decided to quit school all together. I thought that I would easily be able to outsmart him and show him just how much he needed a good education. Instead, I ended up eating my words.Me: "So, what do you want to be when you grow up?"Phil: "A cowboy."Me: "Cowboys need to go to school too."Phil: "Oh. Well, then I'll be a duck."Me: "Ummmmm, no. People cannot just change into animals.[...] Source: Seven Seeds Harry Potter and the Mountain of Money When it comes right down to the wire, is when the campaigning gets fun. As many of you have no doubt heard, the Clinton campaign, (Motto: Our change is better than his change.) has been accusing Barack Obama of plagiarism as a result of Obama's use of some phrases attributed to Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick, a long time friend of Senator Obama. Senator Clinton and her people have declared that Obama is little more than a speech maker without any concrete ideas of his own.Senator Obama (Mo[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Pervy McPervert strikes again! When I was a kid I used to make the occasional prank call. But then I turned 13 and decided that it was a fairly retarded way to spend ones time.I've also received a few "heavy breathing" calls in my day. My mom finally bought us a whistle and said that whenever "he" called that we were to blow the whistle as loud as we could into the phone. That worked although I do wish she had specified that before blowing the whistle I should take the receiver away from my head as my ear made this weird ring[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Professing my ? for Gerald. -Day 50. Everyone has a right to be an idiot. Some people abuse the privilege. - Joseph Stalin (Normally I wouldn't quote anything Joe S. would have said but...)So...You all know how much I love my anonymous heckler right? I've got me another one:Gerald said...So who did andy and bee blow to always be the first post listed on humorblogs?I can't be the only person asking about this situation. Right?February 18, 2008 6:13 PM Oh Gerald, Gerald, dear, sweet, innocent, Gerald. I'd like to thank you f[...] Source: Bee's Musings Autograph Heaven My standup group, Single, Married & Divorced, was touring Georgia back in the 90's. I think we were in Savannah although I'm one of those comics that remembers what jokes worked, not the cities they worked in. Sidebar: This is the last tee shirt in this series so I've decided to make it one of the prizes in the next contest I have. It's a size XL/XG, is 100% cotton pre-shrunk and has never been worn. (That spot you see on the upper left quadrant on the shirt is from my camera and not the sh[...] Don't You Know that You're Toxic? So lately my neck has been killing me. I’m not sure if it’s the driving or what, but I’ve got this knot in my upper back/neck area. The really messed up thing is that when I went to bed on Friday night, it was on the left side, and when I woke up Saturday morning it was on the right. How does that happen?I’ve been thinking about going to a chiropractor, but with my luck I’d get somebody who slept through How to Not Paralyze People class. So as a sort of compromise between incessant whining a[...] Don't You Know that You're Toxic? So lately my neck has been killing me. I’m not sure if it’s the driving or what, but I’ve got this knot in my upper back/neck area. The really messed up thing is that when I went to bed on Friday night, it was on the left side, and when I woke up Saturday morning it was on the right. How does that happen?I’ve been thinking about going to a chiropractor, but with my luck I’d get somebody who slept through How to Not Paralyze People class. So as a sort of compromise between incessant whining a[...] And Now It's Time For Another Thought Provoking Edition Of Stevie Wonders! Today Stevie Wonders if he should reveal the whole truth about what really inspired him to write his hit song 'Boogie On Reggae Woman' to the probing VH1 Behind The Music interviewer.See, Stevie was jamming at an outdoor Bob Marley concert when he could no longer ignore the chunk of dried mucous obstructing his nasal passage. With expert Ninja nose-picking skills he covertly dug around with his thumbnail and removed the hideous green chunk before absent-mindedly flicking it into the crowd. Unfor[...] Source: The Smiling Infidel Knock, Knock...who's there? At 7:06 this morning, the Drug Enforcement Agency, 25 men strong, came marching down the street. They wore the telltale green helmets, bullet proof vests and moved with great stealth. I knew immediately where they were headed...our next door neighbor's house. Daniel and the older kids were leaving for school, but when we saw them coming, I grabbed the kids and bunkered them down in the bedroom furthest from the line of fire. It was like watching a television show play out, in front of our very e[...] Source: Seven Seeds The Thief Strikes Again!! submitted by frequent contributor Indie Davis, TNRemember this sign? What about this sign (5th one down)? It looks like the thief has struck again!This time, it looks like the only thing he stole were the letters "L", "D", "M", and "T".You know what this means, don't you?!? THE THIEF IS A MUPPET FROM SESAME STREET!!-----------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributors Ryan and Nancy DeVries, Chennai, India...and bound people tend to pray a lot, so it's like a big [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Do You Believe in Magic? Today’s installment of Dear Reader goes out to someone very special. At 3:14 pm on February 18, 2008, a visitor from Chepachet, Rhode Island, stumbled upon this site after typing the following into a search engine: “A real spell to make you have anything you want at that moment” A big thanks to ask.com for referring this most special individual. Dear Reader, At first, I was a bit taken aback by the method in which you discovered my site. But then I remembered what it says o[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Do You Believe in Magic? Today’s installment of Dear Reader goes out to someone very special. At 3:14 pm on February 18, 2008, a visitor from Chepachet, Rhode Island, stumbled upon this site after typing the following into a search engine: “A real spell to make you have anything you want at that moment” A big thanks to ask.com for referring this most special individual. Dear Reader, At first, I was a bit taken aback by the method in which you discovered my site. But then I remembered what it says o[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Do You Believe in Magic? Today’s installment of Dear Reader goes out to someone very special. At 3:14 pm on February 18, 2008, a visitor from Chepachet, Rhode Island, stumbled upon this site after typing the following into a search engine: “A real spell to make you have anything you want at that moment” A big thanks to ask.com for referring this most special individual. Dear Reader, At first, I was a bit taken aback by the method in which you discovered my site. But then I remembered what it says o[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Do You Believe in Magic? Today’s installment of Dear Reader goes out to someone very special. At 3:14 pm on February 18, 2008, a visitor from Chepachet, Rhode Island, stumbled upon this site after typing the following into a search engine: “A real spell to make you have anything you want at that moment” A big thanks to ask.com for referring this most special individual. Dear Reader, At first, I was a bit taken aback by the method in which you discovered my site. But then I remembered what it says o[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Ask General Kang: Should I be afraid of the semicolon? Do you mean the form of punctuation, or what happens to your lower intestines after you’ve eaten improperly prepared Thringian Gitworm sashimi? Because if you’ve eaten bad ThriGit sashimi, and its still-living spawn are now luncheoning on your colon, then yes, that is something to be feared; it may even be horrifying. If you are talking about the form of punctuation, then you are wise to be fearful. Back on Planet Neecknaw, I had a crack brigade of battle-ready gorilloids, armed o[...] Source: The Skwib Ask General Kang: Should I be afraid of the semicolon? Do you mean the form of punctuation, or what happens to your lower intestines after you’ve eaten improperly prepared Thringian Gitworm sashimi? Because if you’ve eaten bad ThriGit sashimi, and its still-living spawn are now luncheoning on your colon, then yes, that is something to be feared; it may even be horrifying. If you are talking about the form of punctuation, then you are wise to be fearful. Back on Planet Neecknaw, I had a crack brigade of battle-ready gorilloids, armed o[...] Source: The Skwib Today, In Lieu of Sentient Thought… Ever needed a compelling reason never to start a blog? Something to show friends as if to suggest: “seriously, don’t start a blog—you’ll be doing shit like this within a month” ? Well then friends, Rickey has the perfect meme for you. Unlike the previous one we participated in, this one is purely random, and therefore doesn’t revolve around Rickey talking about himself. And that’s a low down dirty shame if you ask us. So thanks to Mike, Rickey has been tagged for the following meme and is now re[...] Source: Riding With Rickey Today, In Lieu of Sentient Thought… Ever needed a compelling reason never to start a blog? Something to show friends as if to suggest: “seriously, don’t start a blog—you’ll be doing shit like this within a month” ? Well then friends, Rickey has the perfect meme for you. Unlike the previous one we participated in, this one is purely random, and therefore doesn’t revolve around Rickey talking about himself. And that’s a low down dirty shame if you ask us. So thanks to Mike, Rickey has been tagged for the following meme and is now re[...] Source: Riding With Rickey Fidel Castro Presents: Pimp my Roof Raft I’m shooting dice on the corner with my homeys the other day - and by that I mean sitting in a bar alone at 11:30 in the morning - when the doors get kicked open and the Pimptastic Former Senator of Mississippi Trent Lott (R) comes rolling in, flashing off his rings and chains. No, they’re not platinum, that’s white gold he’s wearing, which ironically used to be his nickname back on the hard streets of Grenada. That’s Grenada, Mississippi, not Grenada the island w[...] Source: Renal Failure Regaling guests (and readers) with cat tales Note: The Wife has been kidnapped by a band of rebellious monkeys who recently escaped from the University of Minnesota's brain lab. I'm too cheap to pay their ransom demands, so her post will have to wait until tomorrow, after the rescue attempt. In the meantime, I'm going to write about the first thing that comes to mind. Unfortunately, that first thing happens to be my cats.I have two cats. One is a big tom, white and intelligent and a complete attention whore who will not stop bugging any hu[...] Source: Dorky Dad Regaling guests (and readers) with cat tales Note: The Wife has been kidnapped by a band of rebellious monkeys who recently escaped from the University of Minnesota's brain lab. I'm too cheap to pay their ransom demands, so her post will have to wait until tomorrow, after the rescue attempt. In the meantime, I'm going to write about the first thing that comes to mind. Unfortunately, that first thing happens to be my cats.I have two cats. One is a big tom, white and intelligent and a complete attention whore who will not stop bugging any hu[...] Source: Dorky Dad Back to our regularly scheduled program... sort of. -Day 51! OH MY LORD! I'm hyperventilating!! Diesel at Mattress Police Antisocial Commentary did a post about the controversy! It's like Angelina Jolie saying she likes my style! Same feeling! The same!Did you guys just call me a kiss ass?!?! Okay.Thanks to everyone for mocking the mocker. You guys love me! Or at least don't hate me too much. Give yourselves a high five. Harder! Moving on.Elderly Reactions to my hair:Milton:“Oh. Wow! Interesting.”Translation:You just overloaded my brain.Glynda:“I[...] Source: Bee's Musings RwR Caption Contest Rickey’s too gosh darned tired to post anything lengthy today. So we’re passing the comedy torch off to you folks in our latest caption contest installment—this is your big chance to be all humorous and whatnot. This time around, we bring you an oldie but a goodie:Now that, friends, is an uncomfortable display of man-love. So arise, like minded political wonks, and post your witty captions for this picture in the comments section. Rickey will proclaim a victor in a few days.[posted at Humor-Blog[...] Source: Riding With Rickey RwR Caption Contest Rickey’s too gosh darned tired to post anything lengthy today. So we’re passing the comedy torch off to you folks in our latest caption contest installment—this is your big chance to be all humorous and whatnot. This time around, we bring you an oldie but a goodie:Now that, friends, is an uncomfortable display of man-love. So arise, like minded political wonks, and post your witty captions for this picture in the comments section. Rickey will proclaim a victor in a few days.[posted at Humor-Blog[...] Source: Riding With Rickey Pay Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain Occasionally as I am making my rounds through the blogosphere, I run across someone referring to me in excessively laudatory terms, e.g. "the mighty Diesel" or "Mr. Diesel President-CEO-Founder-King of Humor-Blogs." (Thanks, Lobo and Bee.)I want you to know, first of all, that I enjoy these appellations and wish them to continue.It is only fitting, after all, for someone who has the 25,692nd ranked blog on Technorati to be held in such esteem. I'm basically a celebrity, like Taye Diggs or Leele[...] Who wants some milk? The other day I had an amazing piece of cheese. It was so yummy and it got me to thinking about where it came from. What do I know about it? Well, it was produced using cows milk. This started me thinking about all of the things I consume that use cows milk: cream, cheese, yogurt, etc... Pretty much every meal in this house has cows milk representin'.Who do you suppose was the first guy to milk a cow for a purpose other than feeding a calf? Well, I've been thinking about that, too. Here is how I[...] Source: The Blog of Bex I'm Going To Bare My Genius... and some other stuff too! I should have known that today was going to be one turd short of a dung heap, when I opened the mailbox to find this:Perfect. All I need is a magazine full of reminders that no matter how much I paid for my boobs, there will always be younger, hotter, bikini clad females (I use this term loosely, because most are only wearing bottoms,) who get my husband all hot and bothered. So I put the magazine at the bottom of the magazine basket (hey, I only vowed not to throw the swimsuit issue away. I nev[...] Source: Seven Seeds I'm Going To Bare My Genius... and some other stuff too! I should have known that today was going to be one turd short of a dung heap, when I opened the mailbox to find this:Perfect. All I need is a magazine full of reminders that no matter how much I paid for my boobs, there will always be younger, hotter, bikini clad females (I use this term loosely, because most are only wearing bottoms,) who get my husband all hot and bothered. So I put the magazine at the bottom of the magazine basket (hey, I only vowed not to throw the swimsuit issue away. I nev[...] Source: Seven Seeds party gone out of bounds like, oh my GOD! the party was so BITCHEN! i’m like totally freaking out! … some highlights: i finally had the biggest hair of anyone. at this point in my life, i’m old enough to know better than to drink the mystery punch and not just because it was yellow. my costume was vintage 80s adrienne vittadini purchased off ebay for $15. but the really amusing part was that i actually owned this sweater in the cardigan version with pockets, which i seem to recall set me back about $[...] Source: leighonline Rolling Stoned's James Bond Review Well, here it is folks,the long-awaited review of The James Bond Dossier's first album Home Before The Police.Rolling Stoned - 2/19/08This group came about when a friend of Pierce Brosnan asked, "Now that you're not James Bond anymore, what are you going to do, start a band?" Pierce, who has always secretly harbored the dream of being a musician, said, "Bloody hell, why not!" And so this eclectic group was born. Pierce let down his hair and shed his clean-cut, lethal Bond image in favor of a [...] Source: The Rain in Spain... The QOHA Award (That's redundant) Remember when you were a kid and you were out 'trick or treating' on Halloween, and you were trying to look really cool in your zombie-truck driver costume because you were twelve and Olga Mae Hampster was with you, and for the first time in your life you were getting interested in a girl? A girl, mind you, that was looking very fetching in her slave girl-nurse costume. And suddenly, there before you was the old Hammerfist house. Ancient, malevolent, brooding, and some how visible only in blac[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... The QOHA Award (That's redundant) Remember when you were a kid and you were out 'trick or treating' on Halloween, and you were trying to look really cool in your zombie-truck driver costume because you were twelve and Olga Mae Hampster was with you, and for the first time in your life you were getting interested in a girl? A girl, mind you, that was looking very fetching in her slave girl-nurse costume. And suddenly, there before you was the old Hammerfist house. Ancient, malevolent, brooding, and some how visible only in blac[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Our NeighborHOOD The top ten signs that it is time to get the hell out of your neighborhood: 1. You have to stop a man from beating up a woman in the grocery store parking lot...on several occasions.2. Your neighbor constantly makes excuses to case your house ie: "I brought these table scraps over for your dog. You have a big dog right?" (Not yet...but I'm going today to buy the biggest, meanest german shepard money can buy!)3. Your little neighborhood has more traffic than the 55 freeway, and there is only one [...] Source: Seven Seeds Fidel Castro Officially Retires Fidel Castro Resigns Cuban Dictator Fidel Castro has officially retired from the Presidency of Cuba. Despite having been dead for well over a year, Castro’s reign continued, until Tuesday, when the announcement was made that Fidel Castro would be resigning. “I am saying that I will neither aspire to nor accept, I repeat, I will neither aspire to nor accept the positions of President of the State Council and Commander in Chief,” Castro, 81, said in a letter posted on the Web s[...] Fidel Castro Officially Retires Fidel Castro Resigns Cuban Dictator Fidel Castro has officially retired from the Presidency of Cuba. Despite having been dead for well over a year, Castro’s reign continued, until Tuesday, when the announcement was made that Fidel Castro would be resigning. “I am saying that I will neither aspire to nor accept, I repeat, I will neither aspire to nor accept the positions of President of the State Council and Commander in Chief,” Castro, 81, said in a letter posted on the Web s[...] Fidel Castro Officially Retires Fidel Castro Resigns Cuban Dictator Fidel Castro has officially retired from the Presidency of Cuba. Despite having been dead for well over a year, Castro’s reign continued, until Tuesday, when the announcement was made that Fidel Castro would be resigning. “I am saying that I will neither aspire to nor accept, I repeat, I will neither aspire to nor accept the positions of President of the State Council and Commander in Chief,” Castro, 81, said in a letter posted on the Web s[...] Just be sure to agree on a safe word. submitted/post title by frequent contributor Bent KangarooI've got temptation mastered already. I can get people to stumble in any manner of ways!----------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributors Nate and Heidi GilmoreThis sign brought to you by the committee to re-elect Christ.-----------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributors Nate and Heidi GilmoreI can't believe I asked for pink shag carpet in my mansion in[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Just be sure to agree on a safe word. submitted/post title by frequent contributor Bent KangarooI've got temptation mastered already. I can get people to stumble in any manner of ways!----------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributors Nate and Heidi GilmoreThis sign brought to you by the committee to re-elect Christ.-----------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributors Nate and Heidi GilmoreI can't believe I asked for pink shag carpet in my mansion in[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Just be sure to agree on a safe word. submitted/post title by frequent contributor Bent KangarooI've got temptation mastered already. I can get people to stumble in any manner of ways!----------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributors Nate and Heidi GilmoreThis sign brought to you by the committee to re-elect Christ.-----------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributors Nate and Heidi GilmoreI can't believe I asked for pink shag carpet in my mansion in[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Our NeighborHOOD The top ten signs that it is time to get the hell out of your neighborhood:1. You have to stop a man from beating up a woman in the grocery store parking lot...on several occasions.2. Your neighbor constantly makes excuses to case your house ie: "I brought these table scraps over for your dog. You have a big dog right?" (Not yet...but I'm going today to buy the biggest, meanest german shepard money can buy!)3. Your little neighborhood has more traffic than the 55 freeway, and there is only one r[...] Source: Seven Seeds I Won’t Do These Things so you’re gonna have to do them yourselves But I said no, no, no, no-no-no It occurred to me the other day that I was going to have to address the inevitable issue of just what I Won’t Do. I’d hate to disappoint you somewhere down the line by refusing to do something you really had your heart set on me doing so you don’t have to. So! Here is a shortish list, which will hopefully set some much-needed boundaries in our future relationship: I won’t fly without pills. You can’t make me! These pills were presc[...] Source: I Do Things So You Don't Have To Professor Quippy: Never mind the turkey-sized raptors, I’m worried about the hellish frogs wielding flick-knives A giant fossil found in Madagascar has caused tension in scientific circles. Before its discovery, scientists believed that Madagascar and South America lost their land connection about 120 million years ago. The ginormous frog fossil suggests is was more like 80 million years ago. Why is this 10-pound bruiser a turd in the continental-drift punchbowl? Well, not only was it a beach-ball sized frog with a giant Pac-man-like maw lined with teeth, armor, an aggressive attitude and laser beams s[...] Source: The Skwib The tingling on my ballsack lets me know it’s working Anonymous Doug looks a bit down today as we have our Six Martini Lunch, so I ask him what’s wrong. “I just bought these nice black sheets for my bed,” says Anonymous Doug. “But every time I sleep in them, I wake up to find the whole lower half of my bed covered in little white bits. It’s pissing me off. What happens when I have to explain it to the girl I’m banging? This could be very embarrassing, even to me.” “Only the lower half of the bed, [...] Source: Renal Failure What's A Girl To Do? Before I start this post, let me just say that I'm back to my old joking self. Life is too short to sit around and pine for those who are lucky enough to have crossed over into heaven. I will always miss Grandpa, but he would not want me to sit around and sulk. So...back to business as usual (unless I have a grief relapse, later on.)And speaking of the dearly departed, would someone just kill me now? Please, have mercy and put me out of the misery that is my attempt at making my girls into litt[...] Source: Seven Seeds It's time that I live vicariously through The Boy For the first time last summer, when he was just 2, The Boy used a bat to hit a ball that was thrown at him. He did it repeatedly, and even got a vague idea of what it meant to "run the bases." Today he knows the proper batting stance, has a beautiful swing and routinely threatens to remove his old man's head with a whiffle ball.I shall now provide you with my reaction to this development:HOT DAMN! THAT THERE IS MY MEAL TICKET!All I need to do is spend the next 15 years making him practice hitti[...] Source: Dorky Dad Color me red.? -Day 49. So...On Saturday, I followed thru on the promise I'd made myself to dye my hair. My SIL Esmeralda took me to her "guy". Here's the before: First, I'd like to tell you what Alberto, the male stylist, said to me when I told him what I wanted to do to my hair: "Are you crazy?" To which I responded "Yeah, a little bit." Agree or disagree?I then said the words all stylist love to hear "I want these 2 colors and mid-length hair, other than that, you can do whatever you want". Alberto sighed w[...] Source: Bee's Musings Color me red.? -Day 49. So...On Saturday, I followed thru on the promise I'd made myself to dye my hair. My SIL Esmeralda took me to her "guy". Here's the before: First, I'd like to tell you what Alberto, the male stylist, said to me when I told him what I wanted to do to my hair: "Are you crazy?" To which I responded "Yeah, a little bit." Agree or disagree?I then said the words all stylist love to hear "I want these 2 colors and mid-length hair, other than that, you can do whatever you want". Alberto sighed w[...] Source: Bee's Musings Color me red.? -Day 49. So...On Saturday, I followed thru on the promise I'd made myself to dye my hair. My SIL Esmeralda took me to her "guy". Here's the before: First, I'd like to tell you what Alberto, the male stylist, said to me when I told him what I wanted to do to my hair: "Are you crazy?" To which I responded "Yeah, a little bit." Agree or disagree?I then said the words all stylist love to hear "I want these 2 colors and mid-length hair, other than that, you can do whatever you want". Alberto sighed w[...] Source: Bee's Musings Color me red.? -Day 49. So...On Saturday, I followed thru on the promise I'd made myself to dye my hair. My SIL Esmeralda took me to her "guy". Here's the before: First, I'd like to tell you what Alberto, the male stylist, said to me when I told him what I wanted to do to my hair: "Are you crazy?" To which I responded "Yeah, a little bit." Agree or disagree?I then said the words all stylist love to hear "I want these 2 colors and mid-length hair, other than that, you can do whatever you want". Alberto sighed w[...] Source: Bee's Musings |