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Archive for 2/24/2008 to 3/2/2008m-m-m-MY Sharona!The other day I stumbled on this old journal I wrote when I was between 18 and 20 years old.Apparently I was destined from the very beginning to become a blogger, as is evident from this opening paragraph:Dec 25, 1979 (18)It’s really strange, just thinking about what’s going to happen in the next couple of years. Right now is when it’s all going to start too. I say this as I look at the “Sleeper” posters all around my room, as I lay on my waterbed. I decided I had to start this, I have to keep t[...] Source: View From The Cloud  m-m-m-MY Sharona! The other day I stumbled on this old journal I wrote when I was between 18 and 20 years old.Apparently I was destined from the very beginning to become a blogger, as is evident from this opening paragraph:Dec 25, 1979 (18)It’s really strange, just thinking about what’s going to happen in the next couple of years. Right now is when it’s all going to start too. I say this as I look at the “Sleeper” posters all around my room, as I lay on my waterbed. I decided I had to start this, I have to keep t[...] Source: View From The Cloud What The Promised Recession Means To You As An American You have been bad. Selfishly saving your money right when your economy needs it the most. As a consumer you have been a huge disappointment to us all. If you care anything about this country, get up right now, go to your nearest retail outlet, and buy until your cards will swipe no more. After all, it is not your assets propping up the GNP. Only ours. , Sincerely, the Corporate Interests of America Coming soon. The next chilling installment of Buck-O-Quest, the internet’s most urgent hu[...] Source: The Ominous Comma What The Promised Recession Means To You As An American You have been bad. Selfishly saving your money right when your economy needs it the most. As a consumer you have been a huge disappointment to us all. If you care anything about this country, get up right now, go to your nearest retail outlet, and buy until your cards will swipe no more. After all, it is not your assets propping up the GNP. Only ours. , Sincerely, the Corporate Interests of America Coming soon. The next chilling installment of Buck-O-Quest, the internet’s most urgent hu[...] Source: The Ominous Comma What The Promised Recession Means To You As An American You have been bad. Selfishly saving your money right when your economy needs it the most. As a consumer you have been a huge disappointment to us all. If you care anything about this country, get up right now, go to your nearest retail outlet, and buy until your cards will swipe no more. After all, it is not your assets propping up the GNP. Only ours. , Sincerely, the Corporate Interests of America Coming soon. The next chilling installment of Buck-O-Quest, the internet’s most urgent hu[...] Source: The Ominous Comma What The Promised Recession Means To You As An American You have been bad. Selfishly saving your money right when your economy needs it the most. As a consumer you have been a huge disappointment to us all. If you care anything about this country, get up right now, go to your nearest retail outlet, and buy until your cards will swipe no more. After all, it is not your assets propping up the GNP. Only ours. , Sincerely, the Corporate Interests of America Coming soon. The next chilling installment of Buck-O-Quest, the internet’s most urgent hu[...] Source: The Ominous Comma What The Promised Recession Means To You As An American You have been bad. Selfishly saving your money right when your economy needs it the most. As a consumer you have been a huge disappointment to us all. If you care anything about this country, get up right now, go to your nearest retail outlet, and buy until your cards will swipe no more. After all, it is not your assets propping up the GNP. Only ours. , Sincerely, the Corporate Interests of America Coming soon. The next chilling installment of Buck-O-Quest, the internet’s most urgent hu[...] Source: The Ominous Comma What The Promised Recession Means To You As An American You have been bad. Selfishly saving your money right when your economy needs it the most. As a consumer you have been a huge disappointment to us all. If you care anything about this country, get up right now, go to your nearest retail outlet, and buy until your cards will swipe no more. After all, it is not your assets propping up the GNP. Only ours. , Sincerely, the Corporate Interests of America Coming soon. The next chilling installment of Buck-O-Quest, the internet’s most urgent hu[...] Source: The Ominous Comma The Weekender Offender Hey fellow offenders! It is the weekend again, and this Weekender Offender is dedicated to the late, great Bill Hicks! He was one of the bestest fecking offenders to ever walk the planet. :)Speaking of offending, the other day, I got to thinking, I want to add a spot to the top of my sidebar for great "offending" quotes. So I came up with a few of my own, and thought I'd ask you, my #1 fan, to come up with some, too. The Blog Catalog members who have nothing better to do but entertain me also c[...] Source: The Offended Blogger It's Hi-Cooter Day: Dentists Everybody is having dental work these days, at least in the blogging community -- based on the number of dental-related posts from the likes of Furious and Mayhem and XBox and probably about a dozen others I'm forgetting. Fillings, cleanings and even root canals are all the rage, which will likely prompt a nationwide run to the dentist, extending the waiting time to actually see one from a "long freaking time" to "forever."This trend won't last long, however, because going to the dentist sucks.T[...] Source: Dorky Dad The Night Owl's Gone Scriveling I'm out Scriveling, so if you've had a look at the "boobie cheese" (queso de tetilla) down below, pay me a visit over there and read about The Curse of the Night Owl.At Humor-Blogs.com night owls are always welcome.[...] Source: The Rain in Spain... It's 3 A.M.......... It's 3 a.m. and your children are safe and asleep. But there's a phone in the White House and its ringing. Beeedeeeep beeeedeeeep!Something's happening in the world.Your vote will decide who answers that call. Whether its someone who already knowsthe world's leaders, knows the military.Someone tested and readyto lead in a dangerous world. It's 3 AM and your children are safe and asleep. Who do you want answering the phone?"BILL!!! GET...YOUR...ASS...HOME!!!"Push this button now and be counted![...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... It's 3 A.M.......... It's 3 a.m. and your children are safe and asleep. But there's a phone in the White House and its ringing. Beeedeeeep beeeedeeeep!Somethings happening in the world.Your vote will decide who answers that call. Whether its someone who already knowsthe world's leaders, knows the military.Someone tested and readyto lead in a dangerous world. It's 3 AM and your children are safe and asleep. Who do you want answering the phone?"BILL!!! GET...YOUR...ASS...HOME!!!"Push this button now and be counted! [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... It's 3 A.M.......... It's 3 a.m. and your children are safe and asleep. But there's a phone in the White House and its ringing. Beeedeeeep beeeedeeeep!Somethings happening in the world.Your vote will decide who answers that call. Whether its someone who already knowsthe world's leaders, knows the military.Someone tested and readyto lead in a dangerous world. It's 3 AM and your children are safe and asleep. Who do you want answering the phone?"BILL!!! GET...YOUR...ASS...HOME!!!"Push this button now and be counted! [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... We Got Flashed By An Inanimate Streaker At Cici's Pizza! The Infidel family made a rare public appearance yesterday as we dined out amidst the glitz and glamour of the vinyl booths and serving line heating lamps at Cici's Pizza Buffet. Yes, so there we were eating away again in Diarrheaville, searching for our lost shaker of cheese when Melody suddenly screamed out in a horrified voice "That napkin holder is NAKED!!!!" We've taught our mini-infidels the moral value of embracing the ideals of modesty. And now we're finally seeing the blossoming fruits [...] Source: The Smiling Infidel We Got Flashed By An Inanimate Streaker At Cici's Pizza! The Infidel family made a rare public appearance yesterday as we dined out amidst the glitz and glamour of the vinyl booths and serving line heating lamps at Cici's Pizza Buffet. Yes, so there we were eating away again in Diarrheaville, searching for our lost shaker of cheese when Melody suddenly screamed out in a horrified voice "That napkin holder is NAKED!!!!" We've taught our mini-infidels the moral value of embracing the ideals of modesty. And now we're finally seeing the blossoming fruits [...] Source: The Smiling Infidel whatsamatta? you stoopid or somethin’? apparently, yes i am. since humor-blogs crashed a while back i’ve been having some problems with my humor-blogs account. my user profile just disappeared and the cute picture i photo-shopped down to fit was replaced by the running brown brick (can someone please tell me what the hell that thing is!?) and the cute little bio i wrote just went poof. plus i couldn’t even get in to edit my site details. so anyway, because i love humor-blogs SOOO much, i have been harassing kindly asking [...] Source: leighonline Top Secret Video Footage! Okay...I sneaked into ABC studios and stole some of our show footage to share with you. But you can't tell anyone...I mean it. Okay fine, it is just two clips from the ABC website. But it is still a sneak peek: http://abc.go.com/primetime/supernanny/index?pn=indexLet me give a little preemptive speech:I look anorexic. But I really do eat.My kids are beating the shit out of each other, but....I got nothin'. They really do that.My husband is hot. Ladies, you can lust but he's all mine. (and he eve[...] Source: Seven Seeds CBH - Live! at the House of Blues. Sometimes when I am searching for pictures on the web for particular blog posts, I will stumble on something completely different. With "safe search off," the resulting picture can be so disturbing that it defies description, and of course from that moment on I will obsess about ways to describe it.During my last foray out into the world of Google, here's what I discovered. It turns out there's these things called "reborn dolls" which are, without a doubt, among the creepiest fucking things I've[...] Source: 15 Minute Lunch The Looming Fearless Frog Looms Over Your Devalued Dollars I you haven’t checked out my interview over at Angry Seafood, do so now by clicking here. I’ll wait. (…harmless background music…) Good. Funny, huh? Now then. I’d like to thank my pal Kev, the genius behind mashing peanut butter between cookies, for talking The Fearless Frog out of retirement. In my inimitable fashion, I stopped posting weekly economic columns two months ago, just when the economy was beginning to become a hot topic. Sigh. Anyway, President B[...] Source: The Frog Bog The Moustache Mishap Due to an injury sustained during an unfortunate moustache trimming accident, our Thursday correspondent, and author of the funny and entertaining Angry Seafood, ChrisC was unable to publish one of his trademark satirical editorials this week. I have been told that he was attempting to trim a Rollie Fingers back into a Magnum PI. He was drunk at the time. Let this be a lesson to all of you. If you trim the ’stache while in a drunken stupor, you could get seriously hurt. Just say no. On [...] Oscar Caption Contest Winners Brad won handily this week, with a caption that was about neither farting nor something being in someone's pocket. Let that be a lesson to the rest of you.Brad, you may proudly display the coveted In Your Face award:VE came in second with:Spielberg: "I don't know who he is either. I thought he was one of those Coen Brothers..."And in third was y not i, whose contribution was:A near perfect hand: Four kings and a joker.Congratulations to the winners. Be sure to come back Monday, when we'll h[...] The "OK, What the Fatwa Went Wrong?!" Offensive Well, I'm sure by now you've heard what happened to me. Yes, it is awful, but I'm strong. I will overcome this, I have a lot of support.Oh, hey, don't worry!! I would never blame you. It is just as much my fault as it is yours that things got out of hand and on the bright side, at least I still have internet access!!Of course, I only get an hour a day and I have to kickbox a few oversized lesbian bullies to get to the computer, but it is worth it! I'd be lost without coming here to update you on[...] Source: The Offended Blogger Go Ross! I love stories like this and I always feel compelled to share them because they illustrate so succinctly the true meaning of perseverance. A sister humor blogger, Leigh, has a brother who is a nominee for the US Olympic Hall of Fame. He is counting on our votes. I visited the voting site and I think that he is an extraordinary man. But don't take my word for it...go there and read for yourself. While you're there, look to the right at the poll in the sidebar. If you feel as touched as I do by Ro[...] Source: Seven Seeds Go Ross! I love stories like this and I always feel compelled to share them because they illustrate so succinctly the true meaning of perseverance. A sister humor blogger, Leigh, has a brother who is a nominee for the US Olympic Hall of Fame. He is counting on our votes. I visited the voting site and I think that he is an extraordinary man. But don't take my word for it...go there and read for yourself. While you're there, look to the right at the poll in the sidebar. If you feel as touched as I do by Ro[...] Source: Seven Seeds Go Ross! I love stories like this and I always feel compelled to share them because they illustrate so succinctly the true meaning of perseverance. A sister humor blogger, Leigh, has a brother who is a nominee for the US Olympic Hall of Fame. He is counting on our votes. I visited the voting site and I think that he is an extraordinary man. But don't take my word for it...go there and read for yourself. While you're there, look to the right at the poll in the sidebar. If you feel as touched as I do by Ro[...] Source: Seven Seeds Go Ross! I love stories like this and I always feel compelled to share them because they illustrate so succinctly the true meaning of perseverance. A sister humor blogger, Leigh, has a brother who is a nominee for the US Olympic Hall of Fame. He is counting on our votes. I visited the voting site and I think that he is an extraordinary man. But don't take my word for it...go there and read for yourself. While you're there, look to the right at the poll in the sidebar. If you feel as touched as I do by Ro[...] Source: Seven Seeds Go Ross! I love stories like this and I always feel compelled to share them because they illustrate so succinctly the true meaning of perseverance. A sister humor blogger, Leigh, has a brother who is a nominee for the US Olympic Hall of Fame. He is counting on our votes. I visited the voting site and I think that he is an extraordinary man. But don't take my word for it...go there and read for yourself. While you're there, look to the right at the poll in the sidebar. If you feel as touched as I do by Ro[...] Source: Seven Seeds Friday Face-Off! The obviously photogenic children of two amazingly gifted bloggers have made competing videos. It's up to you to decide which one rules in today's Friday Face-Off! On a sidenote, these kids have some remarkable genetics working in their favor. Not only are they both quirky and fun but they've also been blessed with the kind of superstar chins that Professional Chin Stunt Doubles yearn for!Miss Face Declares Her Love Of Cheese! (0:11)Mr. Face Love Cheese And Sings Cheesy Songs! (:49)*Your Click R[...] Source: The Smiling Infidel Friday Face-Off! The obviously photogenic children of two amazingly gifted bloggers have made competing videos. It's up to you to decide which one rules in today's Friday Face-Off! On a sidenote, these kids have some remarkable genetics working in their favor. Not only are they both quirky and fun but they've also been blessed with the kind of superstar chins that Professional Chin Stunt Doubles yearn for!Miss Face Declares Her Love Of Cheese! (0:11)Mr. Face Love Cheese And Sings Cheesy Songs! (:49)*Your Click R[...] Source: The Smiling Infidel Friday Face-Off! The obviously photogenic children of two amazingly gifted bloggers have made competing videos. It's up to you to decide which one rules in today's Friday Face-Off! On a sidenote, these kids have some remarkable genetics working in their favor. Not only are they both quirky and fun but they've also been blessed with the kind of superstar chins that Professional Chin Stunt Doubles yearn for!Miss Face Declares Her Love Of Cheese! (0:11)Mr. Face Love Cheese And Sings Cheesy Songs! (:49)*Your Click R[...] Source: The Smiling Infidel What's Missing? Can someone please tell me what a "daddy" gummy bear vitamin looks like? We've gone through the whole bottle and I cannot seem to stop Ella from having a melt down over the lack of a "daddy" gummy bear in the bottle. Wait...I just had an idea (I'll be right back)I remembered that she has started to point out the physical differences in Daniel and I, lately. Daniel had to kick her out of the bathroom yesterday, because she would not stop pointing at him in the shower and singing, "Daddy has a wie[...] Source: Seven Seeds What's Missing? Can someone please tell me what a "daddy" gummy bear vitamin looks like? We've gone through the whole bottle and I cannot seem to stop Ella from having a melt down over the lack of a "daddy" gummy bear in the bottle. Wait...I just had an idea (I'll be right back)I remembered that she has started to point out the physical differences in Daniel and I, lately. Daniel had to kick her out of the bathroom yesterday, because she would not stop pointing at him in the shower and singing, "Daddy has a wie[...] Source: Seven Seeds What's Missing? Can someone please tell me what a "daddy" gummy bear vitamin looks like? We've gone through the whole bottle and I cannot seem to stop Ella from having a melt down over the lack of a "daddy" gummy bear in the bottle. Wait...I just had an idea (I'll be right back)I remembered that she has started to point out the physical differences in Daniel and I, lately. Daniel had to kick her out of the bathroom yesterday, because she would not stop pointing at him in the shower and singing, "Daddy has a wie[...] Source: Seven Seeds Don't Bogart The Valium, Lionel! Many people get all excited when Friday rolls around. Those people are known as childless heathens, on this blog. "What the hell is so great about Friday?" moms around the globe would like to know. Friday is just the beginning of the beginning of three straight days of madness. You want an example? Well, you're getting one anyway, so sit down, shut up and pay attention!Friday-I have to shower and get dressed (ugh!). We have a birthday party to attend today. Kids will get out school, hyped up for[...] Source: Seven Seeds please show some love typically, i don’t ask for favors, but this is a worthwhile cause. my brother-in-law is currently a candidate for the u.s. olypmic hall of fame. he is a very special person. when he was born he was a preemie and suffered some injuries to his spine. however, he has not let anything stop him. he went on to become a great athlete and has won several gold medals and set a record in the 100m race. plus, he’s also a candidate for the hot sexy bald men club. PLEASE go to this site, watch t[...] Source: leighonline WTF?! What the...I was perusing CNN.com a few minutes ago and found the following story:A newborn baby girl fell through the toilet in a moving train and onto the tracks moments after her mother prematurely gave birth, surviving nearly two hours before being found, relatives said Thursday. The child's mother, who uses the single name Bhuri, was traveling with relatives on an overnight train when she went to the bathroom shortly before midnight Tuesday and unexpectedly gave birth to a baby gir[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Professor Quippy: The airhead virtues of dirty hippy hair All you long-haired hippy with greasy locks are a step ahead of the well-coifed when it comes to ozone pollution. According to a new study by Lakshmi Pandrangi and Glenn Morrison from the University of Missouri in Rolla, on average, unwashed hair absorbed seven times the amount of ozone that washed hair did. Ground-level ozone causes breathing problems that can even affect your lifespan. The scientists say there is something about the hair oil that reacts with the ozone. Of course, the researc[...] Source: The Skwib Yeah! What?!? submitted AND reviewed by new contributor ZI can only imagine that at such an event one would receive communion from a Lil' John style Pimp Cup.Joel's Note: ...and here's a definition of "crunk", for those of you not in the know. Nice, huh?--------------------------------------------submitted by new contributor Nancy, PAIn fact, isn't that the whole idea behind the five points of Calvinism?Totally Rockin'Unconditional Good TimesLimited InterruptionsIrresistible PersonalitiesPerseverance of the [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs I'm Not an Internetless Wonder Anymore I'm back! My husband has saved me from being an internetless wonder. The computer is up and running, but we weren't able to install our backup image, so now I have to start from scratch and reinstall all the programs we had before (or rather, Jesús has to do it). There's a lot to do, but at least Windows is working and I have contact with the 2D world...Anyway, now I can post the answer to the What's That Doing in My Kitchen? post. If you haven't guessed yet, it's a ham, and not just any ham[...] Source: The Rain in Spain... My Missing Month in China Mikka’s sister Riikka was born on February 29th. She’s handled not being able to celebrate her birthday on her exact day of birth rather well, according to her brother. “It could be worse,” says Mikka. “Sometimes Chinese calendars have a leap month.” “Thus we see the limitations of a lunisolar calendar,” I say. “This is one of the few times I’ll speak favorably of the Catholic Church, for giving us a simple steady calendar rather than o[...] Source: Renal Failure My Missing Month in China Mikka’s sister Riikka was born on February 29th. She’s handled not being able to celebrate her birthday on her exact day of birth rather well, according to her brother. “It could be worse,” says Mikka. “Sometimes Chinese calendars have a leap month.” “Thus we see the limitations of a lunisolar calendar,” I say. “This is one of the few times I’ll speak favorably of the Catholic Church, for giving us a simple steady calendar rather than o[...] Source: Renal Failure It's Everyone Can Bite Me Friday! "Good grief, you don't have a head shelf.""What the hell is that?" I asked."It's those two protrusions at the base of your skull, one on each side."That was the conversation I had the day I asked McLoserstene why all my elastic wraparound headbands wouldn't stay on my head. They kept sliding up in the back and I was constantly having to rip them off my head while swearing violently adjust them. She asked me to feel the base of her head. I felt hers and then I felt my own and promptly gave her al[...] The Don Dictum I know we are all eagerly awaiting The Ominous Comma's, no doubt seminal work on economic theory. (Seminal in this case meaning: "highly original and influencing the development of future events", as opposed to: "pertaining to, containing, or consisting of semen.") But while waiting for that opus to arrive, I feel compelled to explain a little understood (Because it's insane.) relationship between government finance and the spending habits of the private sector (meaning you).In this case, I'm [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... More Boy training: Roller coasters I live in Minnesota, and in case you hadn't heard it's cold here. For a large part of the year you risk your life by engaging in the simple act of going outside. Merely getting the paper on a January morning can result in the loss of a limb or two.As a result, a lot of things here are built indoors. A person can take a tour of each branch of the state government in St. Paul and tour several buildings without breathing fresh air, thanks to a series of tunnels. Our downtowns are marked by skyways [...] Source: Dorky Dad Putting The Economy In Motion - Buck-O-Quest: Part 2 Welcome to the second installment of Buck-O-Quest,* the surprisingly continuous series dedicated to the stumbling U.S. economy and what you as a potentially impacted citizen can do to recover yourself out from underneath its ominously descending bulk. We will begin today’s missive with a conveniently timed letter from one of our concerned readers. Dear author, The economy is really getting me down. I’ve never had what you would call steady employment, but with this recession things h[...] Source: The Ominous Comma Putting The Economy In Motion - Buck-O-Quest: Part 2 Welcome to the second installment of Buck-O-Quest,* the surprisingly continuous series dedicated to the stumbling U.S. economy and what you as a potentially impacted citizen can do to recover yourself out from underneath its ominously descending bulk. We will begin today’s missive with a conveniently timed letter from one of our concerned readers. Dear author, The economy is really getting me down. I’ve never had what you would call steady employment, but with this recession things h[...] Source: The Ominous Comma Putting The Economy In Motion - Buck-O-Quest: Part 2 Welcome to the second installment of Buck-O-Quest,* the surprisingly continuous series dedicated to the stumbling U.S. economy and what you as a potentially impacted citizen can do to recover yourself out from underneath its ominously descending bulk. We will begin today’s missive with a conveniently timed letter from one of our concerned readers. Dear author, The economy is really getting me down. I’ve never had what you would call steady employment, but with this recession things h[...] Source: The Ominous Comma Putting The Economy In Motion - Buck-O-Quest: Part 2 Welcome to the second installment of Buck-O-Quest,* the surprisingly continuous series dedicated to the stumbling U.S. economy and what you as a potentially impacted citizen can do to recover yourself out from underneath its ominously descending bulk. We will begin today’s missive with a conveniently timed letter from one of our concerned readers. Dear author, The economy is really getting me down. I’ve never had what you would call steady employment, but with this recession things h[...] Source: The Ominous Comma Getting to Know My Audience ArmadilloTrader is proud to say that I've been writing this humor blog for over 30 days. Much like the U.S. Tax Code, it is a work in progress. Admittedly, sometimes the U.S. Tax Code is funnier. I've had visitors from as far away as New Zealand and Hong Kong, and I've had visitors as close as Leander and Round Rock. When I nag my family enough, I sometimes even get visitors as close as the downstairs living area. By analyzing where my readers come from, what they r[...] Source: ArmadilloTrader Getting to Know My Audience ArmadilloTrader is proud to say that I've been writing this humor blog for over 30 days. Much like the U.S. Tax Code, it is a work in progress. Admittedly, sometimes the U.S. Tax Code is funnier. I've had visitors from as far away as New Zealand and Hong Kong, and I've had visitors as close as Leander and Round Rock. When I nag my family enough, I sometimes even get visitors as close as the downstairs living area. By analyzing where my readers come from, what they r[...] Source: ArmadilloTrader If he was a bloodhound, he'd be shot! So I ran out of bleach spray and decided to add some regular old bleach to one of the squirt bottles. This morning, there was a note on the counter, laying next to a shirt that had little bleach spots all over it. The note read:"He who put bleach in the water bottle shall perish! (After buying me a new shirt, of course.)- Daniel"Sheesh! Had he looked at the squirt bottle, he would have seen that it was the pink one, and therefor mine, to do with as I please. So I wrote him a little response:"He [...] Source: Seven Seeds If he was a bloodhound, he'd be shot! So I ran out of bleach spray and decided to add some regular old bleach to one of the squirt bottles. This morning, there was a note on the counter, laying next to a shirt that had little bleach spots all over it. The note read:"He who put bleach in the water bottle shall perish! (After buying me a new shirt, of course.)- Daniel"Sheesh! Had he looked at the squirt bottle, he would have seen that it was the pink one, and therefor mine, to do with as I please. So I wrote him a little response:"He [...] Source: Seven Seeds If he was a bloodhound, he'd be shot! So I ran out of bleach spray and decided to add some regular old bleach to one of the squirt bottles. This morning, there was a note on the counter, laying next to a shirt that had little bleach spots all over it. The note read:"He who put bleach in the water bottle shall perish! (After buying me a new shirt, of course.)- Daniel"Sheesh! Had he looked at the squirt bottle, he would have seen that it was the pink one, and therefor mine, to do with as I please. So I wrote him a little response:"He [...] Source: Seven Seeds Pick Up Line Protocol If I have to idle behind one more chatty freakin' Patty in the school pick up line, I'm going to go ape shit on someone. As if we all have nothing better to do than wait for two moms to shoot the shit while we sit with our thumbs up our rears. Today, I finally yelled, "Why don't you exchange numbers and finish this later?" They both looked at me in my big white Mormon-mobile, as if I was the rudest person on the planet. But really, who's the rude one here? I've got two kids who have to poop...ma[...] Source: Seven Seeds Boring...but better than eating soap! I just realized that I'd better be more conservative in my story telling, for awhile. I am probably going to get a lot of readers after the show airs (five if I'm lucky,) and I would hate for them to take me too seriously when I post things like the Kirby Man letter. Like Lori (I think it was Lori,) pointed out, it might make us look like we never actually learned anything from our SN experience. Dammit! This is really starting to put a kink in my funny bone. Have no fear, I won't water it down [...] Source: Seven Seeds Boring...but better than eating soap! I just realized that I'd better be more conservative in my story telling, for awhile. I am probably going to get a lot of readers after the show airs (five if I'm lucky,) and I would hate for them to take me too seriously when I post things like the Kirby Man letter. Like Lori (I think it was Lori,) pointed out, it might make us look like we never actually learned anything from our SN experience. Dammit! This is really starting to put a kink in my funny bone. Have no fear, I won't water it down [...] Source: Seven Seeds Boring...but better than eating soap! I just realized that I'd better be more conservative in my story telling, for awhile. I am probably going to get a lot of readers after the show airs (five if I'm lucky,) and I would hate for them to take me too seriously when I post things like the Kirby Man letter. Like Lori (I think it was Lori,) pointed out, it might make us look like we never actually learned anything from our SN experience. Dammit! This is really starting to put a kink in my funny bone. Have no fear, I won't water it down [...] Source: Seven Seeds Thursday Shout-Out Wow, it's been a while since I've done one of these. Been busy editing magazines and whatnot.Remember the good old days when Humor-Blogs.com was a big happy family, with me sitting on top of that family like a big friendly uncle who smelled like pipe tobacco and beef? Well, those days are over. After several days of pleading with y'all to click the Humor-Blogs.com link (Please! It'll only take a second!), I have clawed my way up to a measly fourth place in the rankings.*One of the reasons fo[...] The Vacuum Wasn't The Only Sucker! Dear Kirby Salesman,The ambulance left in such haste last night, that I didn't get a chance to let you know my thoughts on what a great vacuum the Kirby, really is.The stuff it pulled up from the carpet was amazing! Please know that when the boys peed on the carpet as you were cleaning it, they were just curious to see if it would be able to handle a normal task in our home. You see, feces, barf and urine are regular carpet decor in our home. We need a vacuum that can do wet pick up as well.I sa[...] Source: Seven Seeds Every now and then Rickey must relent from the chore of original thought and subject himself to the insipid “hey would ya get a load of this!” trend in blogging in order to share items of interest that catch his eye. Therefore, below are several fascinating tidbits floating about the ether which caught Rickey’s eye. (Links now come complete with snarky commentary!) It’s an amusing little column we like to call:YOUR WEEKLY LINKAGE *What, you thought we'd run out of stock photos of chain links? We[...] Source: Riding With Rickey Every now and then Rickey must relent from the chore of original thought and subject himself to the insipid “hey would ya get a load of this!” trend in blogging in order to share items of interest that catch his eye. Therefore, below are several fascinating tidbits floating about the ether which caught Rickey’s eye. (Links now come complete with snarky commentary!) It’s an amusing little column we like to call:YOUR WEEKLY LINKAGE *What, you thought we'd run out of stock photos of chain links? We[...] Source: Riding With Rickey Thoughts On Stardom And Nose Picking You know, in retrospect, I've been very good about keeping my mouth shut. I really hate secrets, especially when they are my own. As you can tell, my life is pretty much an open book (or blog page.) So when I was put under a gag order by the Supernanny contract, it was painful. I so badly wanted to share my experiences with all of you. To go through something so life changing and not be able to write about it, was excruciating! I would call my mom every night and tell her about everything, becau[...] Source: Seven Seeds Thoughts On Stardom And Nose Picking You know, in retrospect, I've been very good about keeping my mouth shut. I really hate secrets, especially when they are my own. As you can tell, my life is pretty much an open book (or blog page.) So when I was put under a gag order by the Supernanny contract, it was painful. I so badly wanted to share my experiences with all of you. To go through something so life changing and not be able to write about it, was excruciating! I would call my mom every night and tell her about everything, becau[...] Source: Seven Seeds Thoughts On Stardom And Nose Picking You know, in retrospect, I've been very good about keeping my mouth shut. I really hate secrets, especially when they are my own. As you can tell, my life is pretty much an open book (or blog page.) So when I was put under a gag order by the Supernanny contract, it was painful. I so badly wanted to share my experiences with all of you. To go through something so life changing and not be able to write about it, was excruciating! I would call my mom every night and tell her about everything, becau[...] Source: Seven Seeds When Your Moodiness Is Moodier Than The Blackest Black On A Mood Ring.... Shortly after the birth of our fourth daughter, Papi reluctantly resigned himself to his inevitable fate. He commented thusly, "I think we should just go ahead and buy Kotex stock since we'll single-handedly guarantee they'll enjoy skyrocketing profits a few years from now." Papi's a practical man. That's why he'll make a fine accountant.So, I started thinking about maybe building an addition to our house in preparation for the tumultuous future that lay ahead of us. I mean, people have long bui[...] Source: The Smiling Infidel Carnival of Satire (#95) It may be the length of the winter speaking, but I for one welcome our new alien overlords. Klaatu barada nikto! Welcome also, to this week’s interstellar Carnival of Satire: Daniel Brenton has an exclusive statement from John Hordure, the director of the newly-formed League for Unified Non-cooperation with Exopolitical Enterprises (LUNEE), who reveals once and for all Why the Aliens Really Don’t Land. Bob Saget, pay attention. What’s more baffling than UFO sightings? sweetpea[...] Source: The Skwib Carnival of Satire (#95) It may be the length of the winter speaking, but I for one welcome our new alien overlords. Klaatu barada nikto! Welcome also, to this week’s interstellar Carnival of Satire: Daniel Brenton has an exclusive statement from John Hordure, the director of the newly-formed League for Unified Non-cooperation with Exopolitical Enterprises (LUNEE), who reveals once and for all Why the Aliens Really Don’t Land. Bob Saget, pay attention. What’s more baffling than UFO sightings? sweetpea[...] Source: The Skwib Carnival of Satire (#95) It may be the length of the winter speaking, but I for one welcome our new alien overlords. Klaatu barada nikto! Welcome also, to this week’s interstellar Carnival of Satire: Daniel Brenton has an exclusive statement from John Hordure, the director of the newly-formed League for Unified Non-cooperation with Exopolitical Enterprises (LUNEE), who reveals once and for all Why the Aliens Really Don’t Land. Bob Saget, pay attention. What’s more baffling than UFO sightings? sweetpea[...] Source: The Skwib My top 10 women? I AM an equal opportunist... -Day 59.-For Brother Dan, my top 10 list of women I want... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... to BE.This was harder than I thought. I guess I'm pretty happy being me. Who knew! These are in no particular order so don't get pissy with me..Jean knee:Nobody has more personalities than she does! No, that’s not a [...] Source: Bee's Musings Wait...I have to stop complaining first? submitted/post title by frequent contributor Alli ThompsonMy favorite part of this sign: They used an upside-down "M" as a "W" on the permanent part of the sign (in the pastor's name).Sadly, this has happened once before. If someone cares to go archive-diving and find it and post the link in the comments, I'll update this post with kudos and the link.------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Alli ThompsonSo can "Commandment 11" be found at the church or [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Wait...I have to stop complaining first? submitted/post title by frequent contributor Alli ThompsonMy favorite part of this sign: They used an upside-down "M" as a "W" on the permanent part of the sign (in the pastor's name).Sadly, this has happened once before. If someone cares to go archive-diving and find it and post the link in the comments, I'll update this post with kudos and the link.------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Alli ThompsonSo can "Commandment 11" be found at the church or [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs The Streets Take Another One of Trent Lott’s Homeboys I’m rolling through my neighborhood when I see former Mississippi Senator Trent Lott out on the street corner, setting up one of those roadside memorials. “This shit’s ain’t right,” Trent Lott cries as he pours out some of his forty on the street for his dead homey. “Shit ain’t right at all, dog.” “Who’s this for?” I ask. “My nigga William F. Buckley,” says Trent Lott, referring to the founder of the conservative maga[...] Source: Renal Failure What Do You Want, A Medal? Other braggarts over at humor-blogs.com[...] Here's why I hate telephones It was 3:15 p.m. and I was ready to go. My coat was on. I had to be at the dentist at 3:30 -- but the office was less than five minutes away. Piece of cake, I thought. I quickly grabbed something from my desk before I left when ...RING!Dammit. Should I answer it or shouldn't I? That's an easy one -- answer it. I habitually answer phones. When one rings I answer it without thinking, without taking the time to say to myself "If you get on the phone now you'll never get off and you'll be late for y[...] Source: Dorky Dad Here's why I hate telephones It was 3:15 p.m. and I was ready to go. My coat was on. I had to be at the dentist at 3:30 -- but the office was less than five minutes away. Piece of cake, I thought. I quickly grabbed something from my desk before I left when ...RING!Dammit. Should I answer it or shouldn't I? That's an easy one -- answer it. I habitually answer phones. When one rings I answer it without thinking, without taking the time to say to myself "If you get on the phone now you'll never get off and you'll be late for y[...] Source: Dorky Dad Here's why I hate telephones It was 3:15 p.m. and I was ready to go. My coat was on. I had to be at the dentist at 3:30 -- but the office was less than five minutes away. Piece of cake, I thought. I quickly grabbed something from my desk before I left when ...RING!Dammit. Should I answer it or shouldn't I? That's an easy one -- answer it. I habitually answer phones. When one rings I answer it without thinking, without taking the time to say to myself "If you get on the phone now you'll never get off and you'll be late for y[...] Source: Dorky Dad Self-Serving Post It's that time of the week again where the Funniest Caption Contest is underway over at Mattress Police - Antisocial Commentary. I've again managed to have one of my captions make it into the top ten, but alas, it's doubtful that I'll win it this week. I actually voted for Brad's caption, and it seems to be the one to beat...but if you vote for mine, not only will I question your judgment but I'll also think nice thoughts about you ! After you visit the Mattress Polic[...] Source: ArmadilloTrader Self-Serving Post It's that time of the week again where the Funniest Caption Contest is underway over at Mattress Police - Antisocial Commentary. I've again managed to have one of my captions make it into the top ten, but alas, it's doubtful that I'll win it this week. I actually voted for Brad's caption, and it seems to be the one to beat...but if you vote for mine, not only will I question your judgment but I'll also think nice thoughts about you ! After you visit the Mattress Polic[...] Source: ArmadilloTrader My top 10 women? I AM an equal opportunist... -Day 59.-For Brother Dan, my top 10 list of women I want... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... to BE.This was harder than I thought. I guess I'm pretty happy being me. Who knew! These are in no particular order so don't get pissy with me..Jean knee:Nobody has more personalities than she does! No, that’s not a [...] Source: Bee's Musings The "Fatwa the Rest of You, Too!!" Offensive Well, let me just say, my Fatwa list is a lot longer than before!There were quite a few readers who had some well deserving, highly Fatwa-able bastards in mind and I am more than happy to oblige!You know me, I am nice that way! :)The requests were great, too!Like, .45 who wants me to Fatwa yuppies.Now, I wasn't sure if it was just the ones in his neighborhood or ALL of them in the world, so to be safe I put them all on my list.They are so frigging annoying with their stupid little "smart" cars a[...] Source: The Offended Blogger The Art Of Husbandry My husband may not be a brain surgeon, or a rocket scientist, but he is one of the smartest men I've ever known. He was telling me last night, of some advice that he had given to a co-worker. This co-worker was sleeping in his car, as the result of a quarrel with his new bride. Daniel told him the following:"You just say, 'You were wrong. This is unacceptable. This isn't just your house. You will change your attitude and stop being such an ass.' Then, turn away from the mirror, look at your wife[...] Source: Seven Seeds Communique from the PLA (nt) WeEEEeeeooooowEEEEEeeeoooOOOOHHHH (bad tuning radio sounds)The following is a communique' from the Plant Liberation Army (nt)!!Long Leaf the Revolution!And now, our Morning-Glorious Leader Comandante D..."This is Comandante D, Colander-in Chief of the PLA(nt). We have taken control of this seedy tool of the oppressors to tell you that the glorious end of herbiferous slavery is about to sprout!"Already valiant PLA (nt) Storm Tubers, pistils firmly in hand, are ready to make their vegetable stand![...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Annoyances Anonymous Meeting Transcripts As you may or may not recall, my friend Kathy and I are the co-leaders of a very successful support group for people who are annoyed by various things. Annoyances Anonymous started off as a way to vent specifically about irritating sounds, but has since branched off into a place where people can share all annoyances, and be comforted by the fact that they are not alone.Over the past few months we've each held two meetings that were attended by several of you. Here are the links to those events.P[...] Source: View From The Cloud Annoyances Anonymous Meeting Transcripts As you may or may not recall, my friend Kathy and I are the co-leaders of a very successful support group for people who are annoyed by various things. Annoyances Anonymous started off as a way to vent specifically about irritating sounds, but has since branched off into a place where people can share all annoyances, and be comforted by the fact that they are not alone.Over the past few months we've each held two meetings that were attended by several of you. Here are the links to those events.P[...] Source: View From The Cloud Annoyances Anonymous Meeting Transcripts As you may or may not recall, my friend Kathy and I are the co-leaders of a very successful support group for people who are annoyed by various things. Annoyances Anonymous started off as a way to vent specifically about irritating sounds, but has since branched off into a place where people can share all annoyances, and be comforted by the fact that they are not alone.Over the past few months we've each held two meetings that were attended by several of you. Here are the links to those events.P[...] Source: View From The Cloud I Think My Cat May Be on Drugs That's not an expression, like "What has gotten into that cat? It's acting like it's on drugs." I mean, it started out that way, but at this point I seriously think my cat may be abusing a controlled substance. I don't really know how to find out for sure; they don't make public service announcements for this sort of thing.It started a few days ago, when our normally sedate cat started darting from one end of the living room to the other for no apparent reason. Then she would meow plaintivel[...] I Think My Cat May Be on Drugs That's not an expression, like "What has gotten into that cat? It's acting like it's on drugs." I mean, it started out that way, but at this point I seriously think my cat may be abusing a controlled substance. I don't really know how to find out for sure; they don't make public service announcements for this sort of thing.It started a few days ago, when our normally sedate cat started darting from one end of the living room to the other for no apparent reason. Then she would meow plaintivel[...] One More Week Of Anonymity While I'm not expecting to become a celebrity from doing the show, I can't help but be a little anxious about going out in public after the show airs. The people at Stater Bros. already treat me much differently, because they know that we are going to be the next SN family. (The crew followed us through the store, one day.) Grocery shopping hasn't been the same since. I was there with all of the kids on Monday. We couldn't get through the store without the butcher guy stopping us. (His mom had s[...] Source: Seven Seeds One More Week Of Anonymity While I'm not expecting to become a celebrity from doing the show, I can't help but be a little anxious about going out in public after the show airs. The people at Stater Bros. already treat me much differently, because they know that we are going to be the next SN family. (The crew followed us through the store, one day.) Grocery shopping hasn't been the same since. I was there with all of the kids on Monday. We couldn't get through the store without the butcher guy stopping us. (His mom had s[...] Source: Seven Seeds One More Week Of Anonymity While I'm not expecting to become a celebrity from doing the show, I can't help but be a little anxious about going out in public after the show airs. The people at Stater Bros. already treat me much differently, because they know that we are going to be the next SN family. (The crew followed us through the store, one day.) Grocery shopping hasn't been the same since. I was there with all of the kids on Monday. We couldn't get through the store without the butcher guy stopping us. (His mom had s[...] Source: Seven Seeds Ladies & Gentlemen, Your 2008 Shea Stadium Promotional Games Rickey was elated to see that his 2008 Mets Ticket Pack arrived in the mail while he was in Florida this past weekend. We use the term “his” rather loosely, because the tickets were in fact a Christmas gift for Papa Henderson (but Rickey is giving serious consideration to being a schmuck about it and just keeping ‘em for himself). And Rickey was pleased to notice that several of the games Rickey’s pop will be attending are promotional nights at Shea Stadium! So let’s take a look at some of the [...] Source: Riding With Rickey Ladies & Gentlemen, Your 2008 Shea Stadium Promotional Games Rickey was elated to see that his 2008 Mets Ticket Pack arrived in the mail while he was in Florida this past weekend. We use the term “his” rather loosely, because the tickets were in fact a Christmas gift for Papa Henderson (but Rickey is giving serious consideration to being a schmuck about it and just keeping ‘em for himself). And Rickey was pleased to notice that several of the games Rickey’s pop will be attending are promotional nights at Shea Stadium! So let’s take a look at some of the [...] Source: Riding With Rickey Hey! I liked 2007! submitted by frequent contributor LaurenHe never gets invited to all the good years.------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor LaurenRedemption Today: 11:35Baptism Today: 11:45Wayward Backsliding Today 11:55--------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor LaurenSo I shouldn't go back in my time machine and change history?------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor LaurenHmm...can I ge[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Rump shakin' good times... You know those kind of posts where Mommy's put up the adorably insightful quotes of their brilliant and beautiful children? This isn't really one of those.Here are my two quotes of the week:8 year old daughter, "Mommy? A boy on the bus called me a funny name today and I looked it up in the dictionary but it wasn't there. What does 'Biotch' mean?"6 year old daughter, "Mommy? Why do some of the ladies in your music call their booty a 'Money Maker'?"So now I have a compulsion to get on the bus thi[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Rump shakin' good times... You know those kind of posts where Mommy's put up the adorably insightful quotes of their brilliant and beautiful children? This isn't really one of those.Here are my two quotes of the week:8 year old daughter, "Mommy? A boy on the bus called me a funny name today and I looked it up in the dictionary but it wasn't there. What does 'Biotch' mean?"6 year old daughter, "Mommy? Why do some of the ladies in your music call their booty a 'Money Maker'?"So now I have a compulsion to get on the bus thi[...] Source: The Blog of Bex It’s all in the subtext, baby Before we can examine its intricate subtext, I’m afraid you’ll have to go watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtquEZJC6B4 Aside from the horn-dog insanity of this method of English instruction, it sends very mixed messages. At first, it seems as though one might be learning proper etiquette for business meetings held on the golf course: “Lovely golf weather today.” “It is in the middle of the fair way.” “Would you like something col[...] Source: The Skwib It’s all in the subtext, baby Before we can examine its intricate subtext, I’m afraid you’ll have to go watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtquEZJC6B4 Aside from the horn-dog insanity of this method of English instruction, it sends very mixed messages. At first, it seems as though one might be learning proper etiquette for business meetings held on the golf course: “Lovely golf weather today.” “It is in the middle of the fair way.” “Would you like something col[...] Source: The Skwib Get Some Science, Stupid! Listed on Humor-Blogs.com Thanks to science, you can read this blog, build a particle collider in your yard or watch streaming digital video of David Hasselhoff, drunk off his ass, eating a cheeseburger on the bathroom floor. Science, ironically, allows for the creation of Wikipedia. Science is the great provider of the post-Christendom era. Germ theory, industrial [...][...] Source: The Reasonable Ego Get Some Science, Stupid! Listed on Humor-Blogs.com Thanks to science, you can read this blog, build a particle collider in your yard or watch streaming digital video of David Hasselhoff, drunk off his ass, eating a cheeseburger on the bathroom floor. Science, ironically, allows for the creation of Wikipedia. Science is the great provider of the post-Christendom era. Germ theory, industrial [...][...] Source: The Reasonable Ego Hey! I liked 2007! submitted by frequent contributor LaurenHe never gets invited to all the good years.------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor LaurenRedemption Today: 11:35Baptism Today: 11:45Wayward Backsliding Today 11:55--------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor LaurenSo I shouldn't go back in my time machine and change history?------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor LaurenHmm...can I ge[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs "My List" of freebies begs for more. 10 is better than 5! -Day 58. Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.- Mae West**Warning contains expicit material! Okay, maybe not but this was posted with hub-ub's"permission".**After watching Ryan Reynolds in "Definitely Maybe", I am currently in negotiations to up my "My List*” from 5 to 10. .I can’t keep removing men from it in good conscience. They’ll start getting jealous and fighting each other... who needs more trouble in Hollywood? Not me..Here’s my list of likely suspects:.Brad Pitt:F[...] Source: Bee's Musings Nasty household chores you never even knew existed until you became a housewife (Oscar Edition) In the Pet CategoryFinalist: Scraping dog boogers off your front windows. Second runner up: Shaving your cat's nether regions so he'll stop leaving brown smudges on your window sills. Winner: Forcibly removing from your dog's mouth - with your bare hands - something he stopped to eat during your morning run, only to realize it is vomit. Vomit, people! Someone else's. And you are exactly halfway home on your 5-mile jog. In the dark. At 5:30 in the morning. And did I mention bare hands?In the Othe[...] Source: Diary of a Mad, Mad Housewife Nasty household chores you never even knew existed until you became a housewife (Oscar Edition) In the Pet CategoryFinalist: Scraping dog boogers off your front windows. Second runner up: Shaving your cat's nether regions so he'll stop leaving brown smudges on your window sills. Winner: Forcibly removing from your dog's mouth - with your bare hands - something he stopped to eat during your morning run, only to realize it is vomit. Vomit, people! Someone else's. And you are exactly halfway home on your 5-mile jog. In the dark. At 5:30 in the morning. And did I mention bare hands?In the Othe[...] Source: Diary of a Mad, Mad Housewife You sunk my creative battleship! I made the mistake of reading a story about how Universal Pictures has acquired the movie rights to some of Hasbro’s board games like Candy Land and Monopoly. Come to think of it, I do remember seeing a movie called Candy Land, but it most definitely had nothing to do with the board game of my youth. Unless Queen Frostine fell on some tough times and had to work at a strip club. Well, I can kind of see how Battleship might make a good movie. Set it in the Pacific during World War II an[...] Source: Renal Failure Just Wanted To Give Props I've been listed with humor-blogs.com since last June. The site is now so popular that interwebbers refer to it as the best listings there are for humor. This is what I discovered on a Narcissistic Google Alert.From the blog Comments Are OpenMonday, February 25, 2008And I would like to thank all of the little people....I've been here and there and clicking around the bend looking for the goods today. Lots of winter photos (blah) and sick kids and husbands (blah double blah).The best is the Oscar[...] There Was Merrily Fantastic Reading By Super Hero, Me! I Delighted! Seafood Like! Thank!!! In case you are wondering how to properly construct a comment on my site, take a moment to study agirlTwill’s comment from yesterday, which I present below in all its unaltered glory: “Good aftenoon ! I pleasantly amazed! Thank!!! Like! Thank you! There was merrily! Thank you! I delighted! There was merrily! Excellent forum with fantastic references and reading…. well done indeed… I am glad to find this forum ! The Author, you - super hero! There was merrily!” There was a[...] Source: The Frog Bog The Oscars Are Coming This is what is located on Hollywood Boulevard and Highland Avenue. It's the entrance to the Babylon Court, which replicates the 'Entrance to Babylon' from D.W. Griffith's classic black and white film Intolerance and is named in honor of it.This structure houses the Kodak Theatre, the permanent home of the Academy Awards.I live less than 10 minutes away and already all the traffic in our neighborhood is in serious jeopardy. As in shut down and you're doomed and good luck with driving and why don[...] Report: 72% of IE6 Users Are Insane Researchers at The SKOS Institute have released a report stating that a majority of web users still using Internet Explorer 6 believe it is the year 2003 and not, as recent calendars suggest, 2008. Experts believe this delusion stems from a fear of newer technology and a heaping dose of “being all crazy and stuff.” “‘Crazy’ might be a harsh label, but it fits,” said researcher Kevin Dugan. “Only a crazy person would choose to use a crappy browser like IE[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Twelve Tuesday Tidbits Oh crap. It's only Tuesday? Can someone please put me out of my misery? Yeah, this week has been that good. Here is a list of random stuff that I've encountered and pondered, so far:1. Came home to 150 crickets jumping around my house. Apparently, they can chew through foil. If I find one in my bed tonight, I will be pissed. I hate having lizards as pets!2. I've been answering stupid questions from readers over at Guerrilla Parenting, regarding my intent for doing Supernanny. Some people get suc[...] Source: Seven Seeds Twelve Tuesday Tidbits Oh crap. It's only Tuesday? Can someone please put me out of my misery? Yeah, this week has been that good. Here is a list of random stuff that I've encountered and pondered, so far:1. Came home to 150 crickets jumping around my house. Apparently, they can chew through foil. If I find one in my bed tonight, I will be pissed. I hate having lizards as pets!2. I've been answering stupid questions from readers over at Guerrilla Parenting, regarding my intent for doing Supernanny. Some people get suc[...] Source: Seven Seeds Twelve Tuesday Tidbits Oh crap. It's only Tuesday? Can someone please put me out of my misery? Yeah, this week has been that good. Here is a list of random stuff that I've encountered and pondered, so far:1. Came home to 150 crickets jumping around my house. Apparently, they can chew through foil. If I find one in my bed tonight, I will be pissed. I hate having lizards as pets!2. I've been answering stupid questions from readers over at Guerrilla Parenting, regarding my intent for doing Supernanny. Some people get suc[...] Source: Seven Seeds Twelve Tuesday Tidbits Oh crap. It's only Tuesday? Can someone please put me out of my misery? Yeah, this week has been that good. Here is a list of random stuff that I've encountered and pondered, so far:1. Came home to 150 crickets jumping around my house. Apparently, they can chew through foil. If I find one in my bed tonight, I will be pissed. I hate having lizards as pets!2. I've been answering stupid questions from readers over at Guerrilla Parenting, regarding my intent for doing Supernanny. Some people get suc[...] Source: Seven Seeds Twelve Tuesday Tidbits Oh crap. It's only Tuesday? Can someone please put me out of my misery? Yeah, this week has been that good. Here is a list of random stuff that I've encountered and pondered, so far:1. Came home to 150 crickets jumping around my house. Apparently, they can chew through foil. If I find one in my bed tonight, I will be pissed. I hate having lizards as pets!2. I've been answering stupid questions from readers over at Guerrilla Parenting, regarding my intent for doing Supernanny. Some people get suc[...] Source: Seven Seeds Wife Wednesday: Pants Half Off! (giggle) We were really only there for the ice cream. But after we stopped at Dairy Queen (motto "you can have any flavor you want as long as it's vanilla"), we figured we might as well see what else the mall has to offer. After all, the American mall is a carefully constructed retail habitat designed to separate you from your money as efficiently as possible. We had to need something...So we stumbled into Herberger's. (What's a Herberger's? Think "every department store chain you've ever entered," [...] Source: Dorky Dad Church Applies Rorschach Screening Process to Catechumens San Diego, CA: In a controversial move, St. Polycarp Church downtown has decided to screen catechumens--people discerning to enter the Catholic Church--using the psychological tool of interpreting Rorschach blots."Really, I think this can be a welcoming moment. All this is, honestly, is a formative tool in the RCIA process," argued the parish Pastoral Associate Jean Webber. "We're not throwing anyone out based on one weird reading. We just wanted an opportunity to provide feedback, areas within[...] Source: The Ironic Catholic Tuesday Night Meta 02/26/08 Okay… we’re going to win one of these eventually. Once again, we’re in the Final 10 for Diesel’s Caption Contest over at Mattress Police. Stop on over and give us vote so we can a shiny trinket for our sidebar trophy case. Also, we’ve seemed to have dropped out of the Top 30 over at Humor-Blogs.com. If you’ve been clicking the humor-blogs.com link on the side or at the bottom of our posts every day that you visit here, we thank you for your effort. If you [...] Source: Renal Failure What A Bunch Of Freakin Posers! My mom had this annoyingly competitive friend she left behind in our podunk Indiana town as we joined the Yankee mass exodus to Texas in 1984. My mom used to receive frequent letters from her detailing the very model of perfection and hallowed goodness her two children embodied. My mom's friend delighted in filling page after page with announcements like how the fruit of her loins had just won the Lifetime Golly Gee You're Neat-O Achievement Award and would we please consider sending a monetary[...] Source: The Smiling Infidel Shameless: Part II Dear Anonymous,Just in case you haven't used up your snotty remarks quota for the day, have I got some material for you! My HB pal Don Lewis, is in the midst of choosing a new sidekick to do his evil blog bidding. At my suggestion, he is contemplating hiring a naughty school girl named Caddi. Coincidentally, she looks a lot like yours truly. If you take a look back at the post that you so harshly commented on, you'll see that the similarities between Caddi and I are uncanny!Why don't you pay hi[...] Source: Seven Seeds Shameless: Part II Dear Anonymous,Just in case you haven't used up your snotty remarks quota for the day, have I got some material for you! My HB pal Don Lewis, is in the midst of choosing a new sidekick to do his evil blog bidding. At my suggestion, he is contemplating hiring a naughty school girl named Caddi. Coincidentally, she looks a lot like yours truly. If you take a look back at the post that you so harshly commented on, you'll see that the similarities between Caddi and I are uncanny!Why don't you pay hi[...] Source: Seven Seeds Search for the Sidekick, The Finale! (such as it is.) As promised, here are the results of my request for assistance on locating a suitable fictional blog assistant. I must say I'm disappointed. Sure, I knew it was risky asking a bunch of humor writers and readers to help me chose a character to pen some of my weblog pieces during those times when I was just not up to the challenge. And I got a lot of responses. But many of the contributers failed to understand the purpose of this exercise: making me look good.I won't say that I will actually use[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Rickey Ruminates In our newest thrilling column, Rickey is provided with the exciting opportunity to make brash & seemingly untenable statements in bullet point format. It’s a little column we like to call RICKEY RUMINATES, and is essentially a bastardized intellectual stepchild of RICKEY RECOMMENDS. Instead of passing on esoteric recommendations that .015% of our readership will adopt, we’ve decided to pass along ponderous pearls of wisdom that .015% of our readership will heed. Everyone up to speed? Dandy[...] Source: Riding With Rickey Happy Birthday and Get Well Soon! It's the happiest, saddest and most inappropriate day of the year! Yes, Inappropriate Card Day is finally here!Celebrate by giving an inappropriate card to someone you recognize! Or don't!-------------------------------------The competition in the caption contest was fierce this week.I finally narrowed it down to these ten:Brad: "Most of all, I'd like to thank our optometrists..."Mark Jabo: Nominated for Best Picture and, in the lesser known category of Best Mattress Police Caption... "No Coun[...] Shameless Dear Anonymous,I received your "What a slut. You should be ashamed of yourself," comment on my "Are All Males Pervs?" post. Hmmmmmmm. I hardly consider myself a slut, but I guess I could be in denial. So let me ask you, who am I servicing that would classify me as a slut? My husband? He's the only man I give myself to. I've never cheated on him, never even been tempted. We have shared ten wonderful years together and remain joyfully monogamous. Slut is hardly a word that people would use when de[...] Source: Seven Seeds Shameless Dear Anonymous,I received your "What a slut. You should be ashamed of yourself," comment on my "Are All Males Pervs?" post. Hmmmmmmm. I hardly consider myself a slut, but I guess I could be in denial. So let me ask you, who am I servicing that would classify me as a slut? My husband? He's the only man I give myself to. I've never cheated on him, never even been tempted. We have shared ten wonderful years together and remain joyfully monogamous. Slut is hardly a word that people would use when de[...] Source: Seven Seeds Shameless Dear Anonymous,I received your "What a slut. You should be ashamed of yourself," comment on my "Are All Males Pervs?" post. Hmmmmmmm. I hardly consider myself a slut, but I guess I could be in denial. So let me ask you, who am I servicing that would classify me as a slut? My husband? He's the only man I give myself to. I've never cheated on him, never even been tempted. We have shared ten wonderful years together and remain joyfully monogamous. Slut is hardly a word that people would use when de[...] Source: Seven Seeds We don't need no water, let the &*^%$& burn.... submitted by new contributors John and Shannon JordanThen call 411 so this church will get a clue.---------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributors Ryan and Nancy DeVries, Chennai, IndiaIs "reguesting" sort of like "regifting"? I can think of some previous house guests that I would have liked to have reguested.----------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Alli ThompsonIt's the adults in the church you need to worry abou[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs |