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Archive for 3/2/2008 to 3/9/2008Doh!!!! A Saturday Evening PostAnother favorite photo from Debra, my number one fan.These guys just put in a long day installing heavy-duty safety pylons. It's just about Miller time. Or has beer-thirty already come and gone?Think about it.It's always beer-thirty at humor-blogs.com. Head over and have a frosty one on me. [...] Source: It's a Funny Thing...  Weekend Bonus - Stimulus Package Happy weekend everyone. Despite appearing to be ever bit as dormant as pork-belly futures, the Buck-O-Quest Economic Recovery series lives on. In this moving installment we witness the irresistible power of chocolate as applied to our current stagnant situation. Stimulus Package from Brent Diggs on Vimeo. A big thanks to Comma Girl and SPF-100 for their generous and uncoerced assistance, Daddy was only kidding about being grounded until Christmas. Thanks also to Roann for supplying the cure [...] Source: The Ominous Comma The Weekender Offender "Tattoo Me!" Edition! Hey fellow offenders, it's the weekend again and this Weekender Offender is dedicated to ME!! That's right, I am the bestest fecking offender ever in the history of offenders, and to prove it I added a picture of myself up there just for you.No, I am not picking my nose in that picture, I am only pretending to. I am really flipping you off!See how good I am at this offending business?Hooyah!!!To celebrate, this weekend I decided I am going to get a new tattoo and I'd love it if you would help me[...] Source: The Offended Blogger St. Thomas on Whether Carob Breaks A Fast From Chocolate (Left: Carob. Right: Chocolate. Don't get confused.)Frens, I hab a code. (sniff)So I'm pulling this from the dusty archives...besides, it may be timely for us as we limp toward the end of the Lenten season. The original (along with a link to Catherine of Siena's response) is here.Dear Communion of Saints, I resolved to give up chocolate for Lent and am having a hard time of it in this last week. I stopped by the local co-op and bought some carob to eat instead. Was this a sin? Or even a break[...] Source: The Ironic Catholic St. Thomas on Whether Carob Breaks A Fast From Chocolate (Left: Carob. Right: Chocolate. Don't get confused.)Frens, I hab a code. (sniff)So I'm pulling this from the dusty archives...besides, it may be timely for us as we limp toward the end of the Lenten season. The original (along with a link to Catherine of Siena's response) is here.Dear Communion of Saints, I resolved to give up chocolate for Lent and am having a hard time of it in this last week. I stopped by the local co-op and bought some carob to eat instead. Was this a sin? Or even a break[...] Source: The Ironic Catholic Stanley's on the Loose I'm busy working on a new change for my blog, since the autumn leaf theme seems a little out of place these days. So, while I'm doing that, why don't you go over and meet Stanley at Scrivel. But don't get too close, unless you want to spend the next week in bed. Actually, Stanley may be the reason why I jumped off the MySpace bridge...that's it, I have an excuse...I was under the influence of Stanley.You won't find Stanley over at Humor-Blogs.com, but you will find a lot of other funny charac[...] Source: The Rain in Spain... Stanley's on the Loose I'm busy working on a new change for my blog, since the autumn leaf theme seems a little out of place these days. So, while I'm doing that, why don't you go over and meet Stanley at Scrivel. But don't get too close, unless you want to spend the next week in bed. Actually, Stanley may be the reason why I jumped off the MySpace bridge...that's it, I have an excuse...I was under the influence of Stanley.You won't find Stanley over at Humor-Blogs.com, but you will find a lot of other funny charac[...] Source: The Rain in Spain... Please Pray For Daniel I'm asking for your prayers, this morning. Yesterday, Daniel Jr. was mauled by my mom's dog. It was a freak incident, totally unprovoked and the dog had been raised around the kids. But animals will be animals. It was the most horrifying experience of his life (and mine to have witnessed.) I cannot spend time on writing details as I am trying to just sit with him as much as possible. He is doing well. They did a small surgery and the plastic surgeon did a wonderful job on his face. He is still a[...] Source: Seven Seeds Please Pray For Daniel I'm asking for your prayers, this morning. Yesterday, Daniel Jr. was mauled by my mom's dog. It was a freak incident, totally unprovoked and the dog had been raised around the kids. But animals will be animals. It was the most horrifying experience of his life (and mine to have witnessed.) I cannot spend time on writing details as I am trying to just sit with him as much as possible. He is doing well. They did a small surgery and the plastic surgeon did a wonderful job on his face. He is still a[...] Source: Seven Seeds It's Hi-Cooter Day! Grilling Thanks everybody for letting me take a few days off. And thanks to Feefifoto for being totally fantastic and writing this post right here.It's Haikuturday. This is also the day I get my new grill. I've declared today a household holiday in honor of this occasion and will probably spend the next two weeks grilling anything I can get my hands on -- meat, vegetables, chicken, cold cereal, all those stupid squirrels that live in my yard, the idiots who took my old propane tank months ago, etc.Grilli[...] Source: Dorky Dad I Put My Clothes Back on so you don’t have to Underneath my clothes There’s an endless story Yes, I’m fully covered. All you squeamish readers can come on back. The nudity is gone, covered up with underwear, pants, shirts, sweaters, coats, scarves, gloves, hats, and hoods. But underneath all those layers remains the most awesome tan ever. I wish you could see it. Specifically, I wish you could see my butt. It is nothing less than majestic. I showed up for Zumba the Monday after our return wearing as little as possible. Jaws dr[...] Source: I Do Things So You Don't Have To I must analyze my dreams for they will tell me about the spider monkey. Day 67. Great Heavens! It's one of those nude female Fire Stations!- Mr. Burns after walking into a strip joint.So...Thursday night I went to bed and obsessed about the fact that my post hadn't been very imaginative. I thought "Dang it!" (I'm back to exclaiming but I'm going to stop swearing, I'm practicing for a super duper trip I'm taking this summer so my potty mouth will be censored to see how long I can go.) (Any guesses how long it will take before I blow it? I mean, I'll probably still sw[...] Source: Bee's Musings My TV Guilty Pleasures Warning: If you only watch public television or if don’t even own a TV, go away now or this post will make your over-cultured head explode. I mean it. What we have today is my list of TV guilty pleasures. By definition, they are: Shows that you wouldn’t admit to watching in mixed company. Shows with little, if any, redeeming value. Shows that you’re terribly embarrassed you enjoy. I’ll link to some informational web sites about these shows so that non-U.S. readers[...] Source: The Junk Drawer My TV Guilty Pleasures Warning: If you only watch public television or if don’t even own a TV, go away now or this post will make your over-cultured head explode. I mean it. What we have today is my list of TV guilty pleasures. By definition, they are: Shows that you wouldn’t admit to watching in mixed company. Shows with little, if any, redeeming value. Shows that you’re terribly embarrassed you enjoy. I’ll link to some informational web sites about these shows so that non-U.S. readers[...] Source: The Junk Drawer Neighborhood Message Board Adventures My neighborhood has a Homeowners Association (HOA), and it maintains a neighborhood message board for all of the residents. Usually the posts are about neighborhood social events, families looking for babysitters, or life-and-death issues that concern the entire neighborhood, i.e., garbage pick-up, lousy mail service (redundant, I know) and doggy-poo in common areas. Recently a message was posted that really failed to fit any of my preconceived ideas about what the messag[...] Source: ArmadilloTrader Caption Contest: Iron Man! In case you're new around here, that's me fiddling around with Iron Man's torso. Submit your captions in the comments. I'll post the best ones in a poll on Tuesday.Have fun and have a super weekend.Listed on humor-blogs.com.[...] Intersection Ignoramus Today I went to the grocery store and was looking for a parking spot in the ginormous parking lot. There was an intersection that had a four way stop. Each point of entry even had its own stop sign. I approached at 2 MPH, stopped and then eased forward. So then this asshole to my left, who approached the intersection a few seconds after me, doesn't stop and just...GOES through it while shooting ME a look. I'm like, "Ummm...HELLO...?!"I slammed on the brakes and she had to turn her wheel to go ar[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Intersection Ignoramus Today I went to the grocery store and was looking for a parking spot in the ginormous parking lot. There was an intersection that had a four way stop. Each point of entry even had its own stop sign. I approached at 2 MPH, stopped and then eased forward. So then this asshole to my left, who approached the intersection a few seconds after me, doesn't stop and just...GOES through it while shooting ME a look. I'm like, "Ummm...HELLO...?!"I slammed on the brakes and she had to turn her wheel to go ar[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Intersection Ignoramus Today I went to the grocery store and was looking for a parking spot in the ginormous parking lot. There was an intersection that had a four way stop. Each point of entry even had its own stop sign. I approached at 2 MPH, stopped and then eased forward. So then this asshole to my left, who approached the intersection a few seconds after me, doesn't stop and just...GOES through it while shooting ME a look. I'm like, "Ummm...HELLO...?!"I slammed on the brakes and she had to turn her wheel to go ar[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Selling Humor by the Pound Where Humor is Nothing to Laugh About.Don Lewis, CEO of DONCO Inc.Many, oh so many of you should have asked me. "What's it like to be an Award Winning (lower right side, down a bit, two of them) Humor Blogger?"Well first, you must understand; humor creation is no longer a laughing matter. It's not as easy to make the geeks choke as it was back in say, Pee Wee Herman's day. Then, humor was fresh and new, and a simple cream pie could have them rolling on the floor down at the Bijou with the spill[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Who Are These People? Daniel and I had agreed to talk to our kids about my Dad's lifestyle after the show aired. Before that point, no questions had been asked about it, so we never felt like making it an issue. We thought it would only put a label on him. But we knew that the question would come up after seeing the show air. Oddly, none of them asked about it, at all. Marlie is the only child who knew, because she asked me one day. When I went to get my hair cut, the other day, I took Daniel Jr. with me for some alo[...] Source: Seven Seeds Who Are These People? Daniel and I had agreed to talk to our kids about my Dad's lifestyle after the show aired. Before that point, no questions had been asked about it, so we never felt like making it an issue. We thought it would only put a label on him. But we knew that the question would come up after seeing the show air. Oddly, none of them asked about it, at all. Marlie is the only child who knew, because she asked me one day. When I went to get my hair cut, the other day, I took Daniel Jr. with me for some alo[...] Source: Seven Seeds Thag not like f#&*ing shaman! His mate Onga had finally pushing him too far, and now, Thag was hip-deep in mammoth dung, as they said in the Thunka Grunka clan. He’d returned from the latest hunting expedition flush with success. His new regime of taking risks — but not crazy risks like trying to kill a cave lion with a deadfall, using yourself as bait, as the demented (and now late) Fungo had tried to do — was working well. He was becoming much more respected in the tribe and word was even spreading wit[...] Source: The Skwib A Meme Post Without Using the Word “Meme” As A Bad Pun in the Title Remember, you have until the next exciting edition of the Clay Pigeon humor magazine, coming Monday, March 10th, to submit an entry in THE BIG FUN SPAM COMMENT NUMBER GUESSING CONTEST FOR FUN AND PROFIT! Rickey Henderson tagged me to do this meme. According to Rickey, I’m supposed to look up 15 of my favorite movies on IMDB, take a quote from each and post them for my loyal readers to properly identify. As you movie savvy readers correctly identify the quotes’ cinematic origins in t[...] Source: The Frog Bog Should I Show You My Moon Or My Pie.......Oh Heck, I'll Show You Both! Let's talk about inevitability, shall we? It's inevitable that the moment you sneak a quick nose pick in public you'll suddenly see someone you know staring back at you with a look of disgust. It's inevitable that you'll lean over at a Church Potluck Supper to remark something like, "Who brought that dish over there? It looks like the actual bowl of green, greasy gopher guts from that song," to the very person who cooked up the offensive food. It's also inevitable that my mini-Infidels will tell[...] Source: The Smiling Infidel Makes me want to give God a great, big Huggie: submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold HendrixHe luvs us so much, He Pampers us.------------------------------------------------------submitted by Lauren BinghamThis sign is "wide right".-------------------------------------------------"www.getonyourknees.com"submitted by new contributor Susan SomersWhat are the odds that, in an effort to be clever, they unknowingly advertised a porn site?(Note: I checked. Don't bother.)---------------------------------------------------"Got Jesus? Com[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs I feel totally ripped off by charity Yesterday was a bit of a long day at work. The night before I went to the Celtics vs. Pistons game (thanks for the tickets M) and had a few drinks, so it was kind of a brutal/zombie like day. When I got home I noticed that I had a large envelope in my mailbox, which was a total surprise. It was unmarked so I was hoping that it was my monthly edition of “Big Jugs” magazine but sadly it wasn’t. In it was a thank you letter and some other goodies from a school that I had donated[...] Source: Pointless Banter Smartinavian I’m spending Ambivalent Hour down at the local bar with Mikka, who is fresh off his shift from the wonton soup factory. “So Finnish kids are the smartest kids in the world,” I say to Mikka, referencing an article I had just read in the Wall Street Journal earlier that day while on the loo. I don’t subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, but Ninja Vicki drops off a copy for me in the morning in exchange for my local paper. “That doesn’t surprise me,’ says [...] Source: Renal Failure The "I Like This Mike Better!" Offensive Well, since Mike Holmes seems to still be all offended and keeps renewing his restraining order against me, I've decided to find a new Mike to love. Lucky for me there are plenty of them out there, and that I happen to have the Discovery Channel!!They have all the best Mike's on that channel.It should be called Discover Mike Channel, really.In fact, that's where I found this guy. He is my new and improved Mike:Oh yeaaaah. Mike Rowe is my new Mike.He is much handsomer than that easily offended Ca[...] Source: The Offended Blogger It's Everyone Can Bite Me Friday! TO: American ExpressFROM: Suzy SoroThanks for extending my Panasonic digital camera warranty for a year so I can rid it of Black Dot Disease. To actually help me, however, you're going to have to answer the phone in your service department when I call. I know, weird, but that's how it works. One of the items I added to my list of a thousand things I had to get done before surgery was to have my living room ceiling repainted so the health inspectors wouldn't fine the owners of the building. I did[...] My Very First Guest Post (To Not Get Deleted In The Name Of Internet Hygiene) I know what you’re thinking. Most of you are thinking that I am about to provide you with another installment of the unexpectedly thrilling economic recovery series, Buck-O-Quest. Some of you are thinking how you promised yourself to never again let a man toy with you in this fashion. One of you* is thinking that that at this critical juncture, he could really use a whipped-cream and herring sandwich. But I have something better. That’s right, a field trip to humorblogging.com where [...] Source: The Ominous Comma No need to thank me for the nonsense you'll be singing later. -Day 66.I've got nothin' today. Zilch. Nada. I'll leave you with a question Milton asked me. Don't be afraid to shout out the answer!Milton:What is the name of that one song they sing in church. You know, the one that goes "Haaaaallelujah, Haaaaaallelujah Haaaa-lle-luuu-jah"Bee: [rolling my eyes]"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" (the one from Iron Butterfly). It's Latin for "In the Garden of Eden".PasS the mushroOms.... [...] Source: Bee's Musings Hesperian Idol As we readied the kids for school, this morning, Daniel Jr. seemed more excited than usual. I asked him if his excitement had anything to do with the show. He beamed, "I'm the most popular kid in my class now! I got to sign autographs. Everybody wants to be my friend. This is great!!" I asked my husband if he would talk our little "star" and tell him to take it easy with the fame indulgence. It seemed that he needed a little head deflation, the way he walked to the car with his chest puffed out,[...] Source: Seven Seeds Take Our Daughters to Work Day The "Take Our Daughters to Work Day" is scheduled for April 24th this year. This program has been very successful for many years, and has resulted in spin-off programs such as "Take Your Niece to the Horse Track Day", "Take Grandma to the Podiatrist Day" and more recently "Take the Babysitter to Vegas Day". The Take Our Daughters to Work Day program encourages us to drag take our daughters to work in order to educate them regarding [...] Source: ArmadilloTrader I Finally Jumped Off the Bridge I finally decided to see what all the fuss about MySpace is about, so I made myself a page. After all, with over 50 million users there's got to be something interesting to it, right? I know, you're thinking "If 50 million people jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?" All I have to say to that is that if 50 million people tried jumping off a bridge, there wouldn't be a bridge to jump off for very long. So you see, this is nothing like jumping off a bridge...this is getting a head start o[...] Source: The Rain in Spain... Survival Of The Deafest It never ceases to amaze me, how much people thrive on sowing hatred. I'm not saying that I'm guiltless in this matter. I'm sure that there have been plenty of times that I spewed something hateful. In fact, I did it to my dear sister in law, not too long ago. I realized what an ass I was and apologized, but I will never stop feeling bad for doing it. So I guess that I'm a hater in some aspects. However, I have never sat on a public forum and bashed people, whom I only know through 43 minutes of[...] Source: Seven Seeds Making Sense of the Super Tuesday Results Every week the 2008 Presidential campaign gets messier and messier. Just when you think it will finally be over, along comes one of the two Democrats with some secret deal in their pocket, and a magical come-from-behind victory. Now that’s political humor! I wonder what part of her soul Hillary sold to win Texas. I wasn’t aware she had any left. I figured she blew through it already when she got the previous Super Tuesday win. Hillary Clinton has to have done something, because runn[...] Making Sense of the Super Tuesday Results Every week the 2008 Presidential campaign gets messier and messier. Just when you think it will finally be over, along comes one of the two Democrats with some secret deal in their pocket, and a magical come-from-behind victory. Now that’s political humor! I wonder what part of her soul Hillary sold to win Texas. I wasn’t aware she had any left. I figured she blew through it already when she got the previous Super Tuesday win. Hillary Clinton has to have done something, because runn[...] Stains and Strippers at My House Longtime fan(s) of ArmadilloTrader might have noticed a downtick in the number of posts over the last few days. Despite the lurid title of this post, my decreased productivity has nothing to do with wanton debauchery - this time. No, the problem is that there are construction workers replacing the hardwood floors in the downstairs section of my house. Once upon a time, there were some plumbers who installed a hot water heater. These plumbers were under the illusion [...] Source: ArmadilloTrader Stains and Strippers at My House Longtime fan(s) of ArmadilloTrader might have noticed a downtick in the number of posts over the last few days. Despite the lurid title of this post, my decreased productivity has nothing to do with wanton debauchery - this time. No, the problem is that there are construction workers replacing the hardwood floors in the downstairs section of my house. Once upon a time, there were some plumbers who installed a hot water heater. These plumbers were under the illusion [...] Source: ArmadilloTrader Stains and Strippers at My House Longtime fan(s) of ArmadilloTrader might have noticed a downtick in the number of posts over the last few days. Despite the lurid title of this post, my decreased productivity has nothing to do with wanton debauchery - this time. No, the problem is that there are construction workers replacing the hardwood floors in the downstairs section of my house. Once upon a time, there were some plumbers who installed a hot water heater. These plumbers were under the illusion [...] Source: ArmadilloTrader Q and U, sitting in a tree... My daughters got off of the bus yesterday and were excitedly discussing a wedding.Thing 1 (8 year old), "...and then he said will you take 'you' to stand by her side forever and ever..."Thing 2 (6 year old), "....oh, man! and then what happened??"Thing 1, "...'que' said YES, I will! And then the guy was like, And You? Will you take Que to stand beside forever and ever??"Thing 2, "Wow. So they're married, huh? Wow."Finally I chime in and ask what the hell is going on. Both girls began frantically[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Q and U, sitting in a tree... My daughters got off of the bus yesterday and were excitedly discussing a wedding.Thing 1 (8 year old), "...and then he said will you take 'you' to stand by her side forever and ever..."Thing 2 (6 year old), "....oh, man! and then what happened??"Thing 1, "...'que' said YES, I will! And then the guy was like, And You? Will you take Que to stand beside forever and ever??"Thing 2, "Wow. So they're married, huh? Wow."Finally I chime in and ask what the hell is going on. Both girls began frantically[...] Source: The Blog of Bex American Ingenuity So I guess they killed off Captain America. Like, um, a year ago.I'm a little late on this, because I haven't read comics for a while, and I never really did follow Captain America. I like the idea of Captain America, but he always seemed like a dull character to me. First, there's his secret identity: Steve Rogers. I mean, come on. Steve Rogers? What, was the name Jim Blandguy taken?Captain America's origin isn't exactly inspiring either: As a young man, Steve volunteers to serve in the militar[...] American Ingenuity So I guess they killed off Captain America. Like, um, a year ago.I'm a little late on this, because I haven't read comics for a while, and I never really did follow Captain America. I like the idea of Captain America, but he always seemed like a dull character to me. First, there's his secret identity: Steve Rogers. I mean, come on. Steve Rogers? What, was the name Jim Blandguy taken?Captain America's origin isn't exactly inspiring either: As a young man, Steve volunteers to serve in the militar[...] Construction on the Shoulder of I-95 Causes Delays I received an unexpected announcement earlier this week that my Mom was having surgery on her shoulder to repair a disgruntled widget, or something. She lives by herself, so I’ve been over her place every night this week, offering food and assistance that she refuses to accept. As a result, I’m a little behind in finishing up the formatting on this week’s articles. Chris C is back from his Moustache Mishap with an attempt to make sense of the Ohio and Texas Democrat Primarie[...] Construction on the Shoulder of I-95 Causes Delays I received an unexpected announcement earlier this week that my Mom was having surgery on her shoulder to repair a disgruntled widget, or something. She lives by herself, so I’ve been over her place every night this week, offering food and assistance that she refuses to accept. As a result, I’m a little behind in finishing up the formatting on this week’s articles. Chris C is back from his Moustache Mishap with an attempt to make sense of the Ohio and Texas Democrat Primarie[...] Construction on the Shoulder of I-95 Causes Delays I received an unexpected announcement earlier this week that my Mom was having surgery on her shoulder to repair a disgruntled widget, or something. She lives by herself, so I’ve been over her place every night this week, offering food and assistance that she refuses to accept. As a result, I’m a little behind in finishing up the formatting on this week’s articles. Chris C is back from his Moustache Mishap with an attempt to make sense of the Ohio and Texas Democrat Primarie[...] Yesterday, all these church signs seemed so far away.... submitted by frequent contributor Nate and Heidi GilmoreThe day after that I will be your bus driver. Then, your pharmacist. After that we'll just sort of play it by ear.-----------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatTurn your head and cough.----------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat"Take. Eat. This is my pastel-colored chocolate egg. As often as you eat this egg and pet this bunny...do this [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Yesterday, all these church signs seemed so far away.... submitted by frequent contributor Nate and Heidi GilmoreThe day after that I will be your bus driver. Then, your pharmacist. After that we'll just sort of play it by ear.-----------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatTurn your head and cough.----------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat"Take. Eat. This is my pastel-colored chocolate egg. As often as you eat this egg and pet this bunny...do this [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Yesterday, all these church signs seemed so far away.... submitted by frequent contributor Nate and Heidi GilmoreThe day after that I will be your bus driver. Then, your pharmacist. After that we'll just sort of play it by ear.-----------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatTurn your head and cough.----------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat"Take. Eat. This is my pastel-colored chocolate egg. As often as you eat this egg and pet this bunny...do this [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Yesterday, all these church signs seemed so far away.... submitted by frequent contributor Nate and Heidi GilmoreThe day after that I will be your bus driver. Then, your pharmacist. After that we'll just sort of play it by ear.-----------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatTurn your head and cough.----------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat"Take. Eat. This is my pastel-colored chocolate egg. As often as you eat this egg and pet this bunny...do this [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Yesterday, all these church signs seemed so far away.... submitted by frequent contributor Nate and Heidi GilmoreThe day after that I will be your bus driver. Then, your pharmacist. After that we'll just sort of play it by ear.-----------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatTurn your head and cough.----------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat"Take. Eat. This is my pastel-colored chocolate egg. As often as you eat this egg and pet this bunny...do this [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Yesterday, all these church signs seemed so far away.... submitted by frequent contributor Nate and Heidi GilmoreThe day after that I will be your bus driver. Then, your pharmacist. After that we'll just sort of play it by ear.-----------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatTurn your head and cough.----------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat"Take. Eat. This is my pastel-colored chocolate egg. As often as you eat this egg and pet this bunny...do this [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Yesterday, all these church signs seemed so far away.... submitted by frequent contributor Nate and Heidi GilmoreThe day after that I will be your bus driver. Then, your pharmacist. After that we'll just sort of play it by ear.-----------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatTurn your head and cough.----------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat"Take. Eat. This is my pastel-colored chocolate egg. As often as you eat this egg and pet this bunny...do this [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Thag not want get tattoo! Thag was the leader of the main hunting party, of that there was no doubt. This wasn’t entirely due to his acumen as a hunter. Part of it was because his predecessors had been idiots and extreme risk takers. Under Thag’s leadership, the hunters of the Thunka Grunka clan would have continuing success, but there was a problem. For once, it wasn’t because of the f*&king shaman –Weasel-Scratch-Face-Brother– and his continuing quest to bed Thag’s mate, Ong[...] Source: The Skwib Thag not want get tattoo! Thag was the leader of the main hunting party, of that there was no doubt. This wasn’t entirely due to his acumen as a hunter. Part of it was because his predecessors had been idiots and extreme risk takers. Under Thag’s leadership, the hunters of the Thunka Grunka clan would have continuing success, but there was a problem. For once, it wasn’t because of the f*&king shaman –Weasel-Scratch-Face-Brother– and his continuing quest to bed Thag’s mate, Ong[...] Source: The Skwib Lent You gotta be careful when you joke about some topics.For instance, if I make fun of Lent I run two risks...1. offending the millions of Catholic readers that flock to this site for spiritual guidance2. being struck down by lightning while I'm in the shower in what would surely be reported in the newspaper as "a bizarre and unique accident."However... even though this should be considered reverent subject matter, I believe I have earned the right to make fun of it because:- I was born and raised [...] Source: View From The Cloud Cosmopolitan Magazine is For Whores and Idiots On the front page of yahoo a few days ago was an article by Cosmopolitan Magazine on places for women to meet the right guy. They broke down a few locations as being “hot spots” to grab the man of your dreams. Of course their logic, like always, was totally flawed. I am going to review their locations and give you my opinion because if we have learned one thing over the course of the last four years is that I am always right. Hot Spot: The Apple Store Wow we are starting with an easy[...] Source: Pointless Banter Cosmopolitan Magazine is For Whores and Idiots On the front page of yahoo a few days ago was an article by Cosmopolitan Magazine on places for women to meet the right guy. They broke down a few locations as being “hot spots” to grab the man of your dreams. Of course their logic, like always, was totally flawed. I am going to review their locations and give you my opinion because if we have learned one thing over the course of the last four years is that I am always right. Hot Spot: The Apple Store Wow we are starting with an easy[...] Source: Pointless Banter Her uterus can bench 320 I’m spending today standing out on the street corner with Avonia the Wiccan Pimp, telling her inappropriate stories. “So this Argentinian girl was 14 when she had her first kid?” says Avonia. “That’s right,” I say. “And then she had triplets at 15?” says Avonia. “Correct.” “And then she has another set of triplets at 16?” says Avonia, barely believing it. “Making it a set of seven,” I say. “She did in thre[...] Source: Renal Failure Tonight What would you do if you were about to be on national television and your husband blew a fuse, causing a living room black out, ten minutes before air time? Well, I freaked out. I ran around, frantically searching for the flashlight. The flashlight we found has a very loud alert noise on it, that can be triggered in an emergency. My dear husband triggered the emergency alert and woke up five children. So we all sat and watched the show together. Good times!The knot in my stomach has disappeared.[...] Source: Seven Seeds "Adventures in Andyland. Andy rolled a Vinny." -Day 65. Stan, you're in Ala-f*ckin-bama. You come from New York. You killed a good-ole-boy. There is no WAY this is not going to trial!- Vincent "Vinny" GambiniI’m going to tell you guys a secret but I don’t want you telling anyone else. Agreed? Okay..Andy is 4 years younger than I am. I'm 35 he's 31. (Shhh secret)The reason I had to mention this is because, he and I started dating before he had the chance to have 1 million liaisons with other women (or skanks as I like to call them). He went o[...] Source: Bee's Musings "Adventures in Andyland. Andy rolled a Vinny." -Day 65. Stan, you're in Ala-f*ckin-bama. You come from New York. You killed a good-ole-boy. There is no WAY this is not going to trial!- Vincent "Vinny" GambiniI’m going to tell you guys a secret but I don’t want you telling anyone else. Agreed? Okay..Andy is 4 years younger than I am. I'm 35 he's 31. (Shhh secret)The reason I had to mention this is because, he and I started dating before he had the chance to have 1 million liaisons with other women (or skanks as I like to call them). He went o[...] Source: Bee's Musings Search and Rescue 2008. I have a couple of amusing (to me, at least) anecdotes from my business trip last week, but since at least one of them involves Special Dark, it has to percolate for a while. In the meantime, for those new around these parts, you can catch up on my token Jamaican-American friend Special Dark here, here, here, here and here to see how he rolls. Then you will understand why I need a couple of days to sort it out.In the meantime, I'm going to do something I haven't done in a while -- namely, l[...] Source: 15 Minute Lunch Drying the Twins OK. My husband told me that yesterday's post sucked so I need to put something else up. Therefore I've been looking for something funny. And I'm looking everywhere.Here is a possibility....After my Pilates class this morning I went to the restroom where there was a young woman and her hairdryer. She was completely dressed and her hair was dry and pulled back in a pigtail. She did not appear wet (currently, recently or otherwise). The dryer was on, inside her shirt and she appeared to be drying [...] Source: The Blog of Bex eff, i’ve been memed damn you, rickey henderson. i hate memes. but rickey just posted a really cool one that i had never seen before. movie quotes! awesome, i thought. i’ve seen tons of movies. this should be fun…and easy. not even one. not even ONE that i could remotely figure out without googling. so, i’m taking the low road. i’m not trying to be clever, or impress anyone with my knowledge of obscure movie quotes. these are going to be easy, people. also, i have taken some liberties. they[...] Source: leighonline Humor Me You may not be aware of this, but in addition to this site I also run a blog directory called Humor-Blogs.com. (I know, you're probably wondering what other secrets I've been keeping from you. Like maybe I've written a book, or I've been editing an online humor magazine.)Shortly after I started this blog, I began looking for ways to promote it. One way that a lot of people recommended was to get listed with a blog directory, like BlogTopList or TopBlogging. So I submitted my site to a bunch [...] Humor Me You may not be aware of this, but in addition to this site I also run a blog directory called Humor-Blogs.com. (I know, you're probably wondering what other secrets I've been keeping from you. Like maybe I've written a book, or I've been editing an online humor magazine.)Shortly after I started this blog, I began looking for ways to promote it. One way that a lot of people recommended was to get listed with a blog directory, like BlogTopList or TopBlogging. So I submitted my site to a bunch [...] Humor Me You may not be aware of this, but in addition to this site I also run a blog directory called Humor-Blogs.com. (I know, you're probably wondering what other secrets I've been keeping from you. Like maybe I've written a book, or I've been editing an online humor magazine.)Shortly after I started this blog, I began looking for ways to promote it. One way that a lot of people recommended was to get listed with a blog directory, like BlogTopList or TopBlogging. So I submitted my site to a bunch [...] Humor Me You may not be aware of this, but in addition to this site I also run a blog directory called Humor-Blogs.com. (I know, you're probably wondering what other secrets I've been keeping from you. Like maybe I've written a book, or I've been editing an online humor magazine.)Shortly after I started this blog, I began looking for ways to promote it. One way that a lot of people recommended was to get listed with a blog directory, like BlogTopList or TopBlogging. So I submitted my site to a bunch [...] Humor Me You may not be aware of this, but in addition to this site I also run a blog directory called Humor-Blogs.com. (I know, you're probably wondering what other secrets I've been keeping from you. Like maybe I've written a book, or I've been editing an online humor magazine.)Shortly after I started this blog, I began looking for ways to promote it. One way that a lot of people recommended was to get listed with a blog directory, like BlogTopList or TopBlogging. So I submitted my site to a bunch [...] Humor Me You may not be aware of this, but in addition to this site I also run a blog directory called Humor-Blogs.com. (I know, you're probably wondering what other secrets I've been keeping from you. Like maybe I've written a book, or I've been editing an online humor magazine.)Shortly after I started this blog, I began looking for ways to promote it. One way that a lot of people recommended was to get listed with a blog directory, like BlogTopList or TopBlogging. So I submitted my site to a bunch [...] A Tribute to Snorg T-Shirts I’m occasionally asked about the advertisements on my website. Why do I have them? Don’t they get in the way of the incredibly awesome content on my site? Doesn’t having advertisements make me a sellout? Well, yes, it does. But I have a good reason for selling out. Every so often, an advertisement with one of those Snorg t-shirt girls will appear. I know what you’re all thinking. You’re thinking that I like these advertisements because the girls in them are pretty. [...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid A Tribute to Snorg T-Shirts I’m occasionally asked about the advertisements on my website. Why do I have them? Don’t they get in the way of the incredibly awesome content on my site? Doesn’t having advertisements make me a sellout? Well, yes, it does. But I have a good reason for selling out. Every so often, an advertisement with one of those Snorg t-shirt girls will appear. I know what you’re all thinking. You’re thinking that I like these advertisements because the girls in them are pretty. [...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid A Tribute to Snorg T-Shirts I’m occasionally asked about the advertisements on my website. Why do I have them? Don’t they get in the way of the incredibly awesome content on my site? Doesn’t having advertisements make me a sellout? Well, yes, it does. But I have a good reason for selling out. Every so often, an advertisement with one of those Snorg t-shirt girls will appear. I know what you’re all thinking. You’re thinking that I like these advertisements because the girls in them are pretty. [...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid A Tribute to Snorg T-Shirts I’m occasionally asked about the advertisements on my website. Why do I have them? Don’t they get in the way of the incredibly awesome content on my site? Doesn’t having advertisements make me a sellout? Well, yes, it does. But I have a good reason for selling out. Every so often, an advertisement with one of those Snorg t-shirt girls will appear. I know what you’re all thinking. You’re thinking that I like these advertisements because the girls in them are pretty. [...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid A Tribute to Snorg T-Shirts I’m occasionally asked about the advertisements on my website. Why do I have them? Don’t they get in the way of the incredibly awesome content on my site? Doesn’t having advertisements make me a sellout? Well, yes, it does. But I have a good reason for selling out. Every so often, an advertisement with one of those Snorg t-shirt girls will appear. I know what you’re all thinking. You’re thinking that I like these advertisements because the girls in them are pretty. [...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid Giving Obama a Black Eye Several blogging sites have recently brought to the Nation's attention a rather shocking contention: that the Hillary Clinton Presidential Campaign has been intentionally modifying pictures and videos of her Democrat Party rival Barack Obama in an attempt to bring out his "blackness". The ploy is assumedlly designed to "color" the opinions of potential voters and to stir up latent racial prejudices against Obama.Video clips of Barack Obama at a Senate hearing were used on a Clinton Campaign ad[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... Giving Obama a Black Eye Several blogging sites have recently brought to the Nation's attention a rather shocking contention: that the Hillary Clinton Presidential Campaign has been intentionally modifying pictures and videos of her Democrat Party rival Barack Obama in an attempt to bring out his "blackness". The ploy is assumedlly designed to "color" the opinions of potential voters and to stir up latent racial prejudices against Obama.Video clips of Barack Obama at a Senate hearing were used on a Clinton Campaign ad[...] Source: It's a Funny Thing... The Hard Truth I somehow pictured this day going so much differently. Yes, I knew that there would be a nervous knot in my stomach. I knew that I would face harsh criticism from total strangers. But I never expected to feel mad at Daniel or hurt by some family members. I'm not angry at Anonymous/Adrian. Her comments mean nothing to me. She has the right to call me a hypocrite and say that I'm all about me nowadays. It doesn't mean that she is accurate in her judgement. All it means is that she came out hurling[...] Source: Seven Seeds Do I Have OCD? Do I Have OCD? Do I Have OCD? I have issues and everyone knows it. It’s really only a question of degree. While waiting to collect two friends for lunch yesterday, I was standing by one of their desks and noticed it was not aligned with the wall. “Rich, why is your desk crooked?” “I don’t know. Does it bother you?” “Yeah. I know. It shouldn’t. But fix it.” And so he lifted the 200 pound desk and righted it because he knows if he doesn’t, I will whine and complain a[...] Source: The Junk Drawer Do I Have OCD? Do I Have OCD? Do I Have OCD? I have issues and everyone knows it. It’s really only a question of degree. While waiting to collect two friends for lunch yesterday, I was standing by one of their desks and noticed it was not aligned with the wall. “Rich, why is your desk crooked?” “I don’t know. Does it bother you?” “Yeah. I know. It shouldn’t. But fix it.” And so he lifted the 200 pound desk and righted it because he knows if he doesn’t, I will whine and complain a[...] Source: The Junk Drawer PSA# 8 Only sweet nothings in my ear… -Day 64.I know I know, 2 PSAs in the same week. I just can’t help the fact that I’m such a public servant, not to be confused with servicing the public, please keep the smut outta here, thanks.Upon my dealings with the underworld-READ ATTORNEYS*-I have had the displeasure of not one, not two, but THREE different people chewing in my ear today.As much as I LOVE people masticating (which, by the way, is one of the dirtiest non-dirty words I have ever heard) in my ear, I leave that up to my belove[...] Source: Bee's Musings Thag not like cut his toenails! Onga was always asking him to cut his toenails, and it made Thag crazy. If he cut them too close, then he had nothing to protect the end of his toes. Good nails were especially important when you jumped on the back of an auroch during a hunt. If you didn’t have long enough nails, you might not be able to hold on. Then again, he had to admit it was not auroch hunting season. She could get really insistent, making veiled references to how well-groomed Weasel-Scratch-Face-Brother’s to[...] Source: The Skwib Thag not like cut his toenails! Onga was always asking him to cut his toenails, and it made Thag crazy. If he cut them too close, then he had nothing to protect the end of his toes. Good nails were especially important when you jumped on the back of an auroch during a hunt. If you didn’t have long enough nails, you might not be able to hold on. Then again, he had to admit it was not auroch hunting season. She could get really insistent, making veiled references to how well-groomed Weasel-Scratch-Face-Brother’s to[...] Source: The Skwib Thag not like cut his toenails! Onga was always asking him to cut his toenails, and it made Thag crazy. If he cut them too close, then he had nothing to protect the end of his toes. Good nails were especially important when you jumped on the back of an auroch during a hunt. If you didn’t have long enough nails, you might not be able to hold on. Then again, he had to admit it was not auroch hunting season. She could get really insistent, making veiled references to how well-groomed Weasel-Scratch-Face-Brother’s to[...] Source: The Skwib Oh, the signs outside are frightful... submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownSure...the lift tickets are free, but they kill you on the concessions.---------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownThis sign is soooooooooooooo crummy!---------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Jamie DunbarFor those actually in attendance, it's not as inspiring.What were they trying to say there?-------------------------------------------------"God gave us a [...] Source: Crummy Church Signs Doilies and other things that don’t necessarily make me gay In my effort to continue my ongoing quest this week to show a new, sensitive, and grounded side because of a female I bring to you things that show I am a sensitive guy. Yesterday I admitted my love of kittens and now I am going to give you some things that I am proud to admit. A lot of times when guys admit this stuff, meatheads will call them “gay” or other slurs like that. Well I am not afraid to show this sensitive side, here are some things that display that: I think Doilies ca[...] Source: Pointless Banter Just don’t bring up Samurai Pizza Cats Mikka and Samurai Cathy have made it past the two month mark in their relationship, and the time has come for Mikka to slowly integrate her into his circle of friends. She’s already met me and we get along fine. After much deliberation, Mikka decided to have Samurai Cathy meet Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat first. The thinking behind this was that if Samurai Cathy could win over the strangest of our circle of friends, then she’d have no problem with our more normal friends like Tina th[...] Source: Renal Failure Mailbag # 5 More anonymous news from my emails.....That made me laugh so hard my neighbor started pounding on the wall.I started on Prozac a week ago and it seems to be helping.As a kid we went antiquing all through New England and to auctions and every museum and Corning Glass and Watkins Glen and the Grandma Moses museum and Howe Caverns and we also visited the monument to run-on sentences in Rensallaer, New York.I love Oprah. Been on her show a few times.Sarcasm is a cock block. No matter what words the [...] The Big 4-0-0 This is my four hundedth post. I feel like I should be celebrating by tossing around some confetti or blowing one of those annoying noise makers as I write. But I'm not in a celebratory mood. Apparently, when you hold in feelings of grief for any period of time, it can come out at unexpected times.I made it through the interview and photo shoot. My angelic sister in law came over and helped me pick up the house (Thank you Evie!) I even managed to get the kids to do their homework without a fight[...] Source: Seven Seeds The Big 4-0-0 This is my four hundedth post. I feel like I should be celebrating by tossing around some confetti or blowing one of those annoying noise makers as I write. But I'm not in a celebratory mood. Apparently, when you hold in feelings of grief for any period of time, it can come out at unexpected times.I made it through the interview and photo shoot. My angelic sister in law came over and helped me pick up the house (Thank you Evie!) I even managed to get the kids to do their homework without a fight[...] Source: Seven Seeds The Big 4-0-0 This is my four hundedth post. I feel like I should be celebrating by tossing around some confetti or blowing one of those annoying noise makers as I write. But I'm not in a celebratory mood. Apparently, when you hold in feelings of grief for any period of time, it can come out at unexpected times.I made it through the interview and photo shoot. My angelic sister in law came over and helped me pick up the house (Thank you Evie!) I even managed to get the kids to do their homework without a fight[...] Source: Seven Seeds The "I LOVE the Rich and Vain and $tupid!!" Offensive So, no offense if you are rich and vain and stupid, but thanks to you I am set for life. That's right, because of your type, I was able to retire in my 30's to become The Offended Blogger full time.Thanks!! :)(Hey, I knew you had to be wondering by now, so yes, in real life I do have other skills besides making up stuff and trying to offend you!!)You did know the other stuff was made up, right?What?! You actually believed that Jesus the taco truck guy exists??Hooyah!! I am good! :)Anyhoo... in m[...] Source: The Offended Blogger THE BIG FUN SPAM COMMENT NUMBER GUESSING CONTEST FOR FUN AND PROFIT! On my last post I said that I got like 500 spam comments per day. Then I put up a math verification thingy. Then I looked at the number of spam comments I got during the time the plugin was “working” and promptly removed it because I felt that the annoyance caused to my commentors was not worth the effect the plugin was having on my spam comments. Instead of fussing and cussing, I’ve decided to make it an opportunity for me to put a post up without actually writing a post. [...] Source: The Frog Bog PSA# 8 Only sweet nothings in my ear… I know I know, 2 PSAs in the same week. I just can’t help the fact that I’m such a public servant, not to be confused with servicing the public, please keep the smut outta here, thanks.Upon my dealings with the underworld-READ ATTORNEYS*-I have had the displeasure of not one, not two, but THREE different people chewing in my ear today.As much as I LOVE people masticating (which, by the way, is one of the dirtiest non-dirty words I have ever heard) in my ear, I leave that up to my beloved husband[...] Source: Bee's Musings The "I LOVE the Rich and Vain and $tupid!!" Offensive So, no offense if you are rich and vain and stupid, but thanks to you I am set for life. That's right, because of your type, I was able to retire in my 30's to become The Offended Blogger full time.Thanks!! :)(Hey, I knew you had to be wondering by now, so yes, in real life I do have other skills besides making up stuff and trying to offend you!!)You did know the other stuff was made up, right?What?! You actually believed that Jesus exists?? I am THAT good?Wow.Hooyah!! :)Anyhoo... in my very rea[...] Source: The Offended Blogger The "I LOVE the Rich and Vain and $tupid!!" Offensive So, no offense if you are rich and vain and stupid, but thanks to you I am set for life. That's right, because of your type, I was able to retire in my 30's to become The Offended Blogger full time.Thanks!! :)(Hey, I knew you had to be wondering by now, so yes, in real life I do have other skills besides making up stuff and trying to offend you!!)You did know the other stuff was made up, right?What?! You actually believed that Jesus exists?? I am THAT good?Wow.Hooyah!! :)Anyhoo... in my very rea[...] Source: The Offended Blogger and the big pot boils with centuries of conspiracy and cabbages and kings who have had their cake and ate it too So I was in the Wal-Mart the other day, Internet, and I ran into something that reminded me of you: Hey, guess what! I finally got reviewed over at the Humor-Blogs.com, and some of the reviewers actually gave me bad scores because, get this, they said I offended them. Me. Offensive. OMGLOLROFLMAOLOLOLOL I couldn’t figure it out at first — I mean, what blog were they reading? — but then I realized it was probably just some of the retardeds playing on the computer that done i[...] Source: turkeyblog Super Stupid Tuesday! Texans will finally be able to voice their political opinion today when the polls open up at 7:00 A.M. Sadly, not one of my preferred Presidential candidates mustered up enough support to make it to this stage of the game. The only silver lining for staunch conservatives like me is that we'll finally escape the political ad crapfest that's been polluting local talk radio airwaves for months, now.(Thanks to Lakeland Local for the photo. It's under a Creative Commons License. Do not copy.) The ver[...] Source: The Smiling Infidel Got Stress? "Ring ring!""Hello?""Hi, Mrs. Prescott?""Yes?""This is So-and-So from the Daily Press.""Oh. We already get the paper.""Actually, we were wondering if we could come and do an interview and photo shoot highlighting your experience on Supernanny for tomorrow's paper.""Oh sure. Why the hell not? My house is in utter shambles. I haven't showered since Sunday...I think. I have major bed head. My kids are all running around in underwear and I'm on the verge of insanity!!!""Great, we'll be there around [...] Source: Seven Seeds Got Stress? "Ring ring!""Hello?""Hi, Mrs. Prescott?""Yes?""This is So-and-So from the Daily Press.""Oh. We already get the paper.""Actually, we were wondering if we could come and do an interview and photo shoot highlighting your experience on Supernanny for tomorrow's paper.""Oh sure. Why the hell not? My house is in utter shambles. I haven't showered since Sunday...I think. I have major bed head. My kids are all running around in underwear and I'm on the verge of insanity!!!""Great, we'll be there around [...] Source: Seven Seeds Got Stress? "Ring ring!""Hello?""Hi, Mrs. Prescott?""Yes?""This is So-and-So from the Daily Press.""Oh. We already get the paper.""Actually, we were wondering if we could come and do an interview and photo shoot highlighting your experience on Supernanny for tomorrow's paper.""Oh sure. Why the hell not? My house is in utter shambles. I haven't showered since Sunday...I think. I have major bed head. My kids are all running around in underwear and I'm on the verge of insanity!!!""Great, we'll be there around [...] Source: Seven Seeds Ask Mr. ArmadilloTrader Mr. ArmadilloTrader receives oodles of email daily with questions from my curious and inquiring readers. My readers know that I can drive a car with a manual transmission, usually without rolling into the car behind me at stoplights. For this reason, many questions asked of me are about cars, automotive safety, and insurance claims. In this installment of "Ask Mr. ArmadilloTrader" we explore an insightful question from reader Purvis Hays from Ala[...] Source: ArmadilloTrader Jumpin' Jelly Legs! Aiieeeeee...! She must have seen a spider or something.feed: humor-blogs.com[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Hey, It's a Nickel! Hey, it’s a nickel!Funny how excited I get about finding a nickel on the ground. What am I going to buy with a nickel? A gumball? I’ll just leave it for some ten-year-old kid to pick up. Someone who will appreciate it.Nickels are hardly even worth picking up any more. A nickel! What a joke. A cup of coffee is three bucks these days. That’s, geez, sixty nickels. Can you imagine handing the cashier – sorry, barista – at Starbucks sixty nickels? I’m sure he’d take them, but as soon as you[...] Hey, It's a Nickel! Hey, it’s a nickel!Funny how excited I get about finding a nickel on the ground. What am I going to buy with a nickel? A gumball? I’ll just leave it for some ten-year-old kid to pick up. Someone who will appreciate it.Nickels are hardly even worth picking up any more. A nickel! What a joke. A cup of coffee is three bucks these days. That’s, geez, sixty nickels. Can you imagine handing the cashier – sorry, barista – at Starbucks sixty nickels? I’m sure he’d take them, but as soon as you[...] Reality Sets In...(Where are those squirrels?) I had myself a little freak out, last night. Hey, it happens to all of us. Oh, it doesn't? Well, it happens to all of us who have seven kids, five blogs, an overprotective husband, a high stress level, unprovoked anxiety attacks, an unfinished grief process and a television episode that will air in less than two days. So basically, just me. Anywho, Daniel and I were looking over the Birthing Beauties blog and having a discussion about sickos. Not psychos...sickos. There is a difference. My husba[...] Source: Seven Seeds would you buy porn from this guy? accordingly to some internet sources, when jared, the subway sandwich guy was in college, he operated a successful business from his dorm room - porn running. seriously? is anyone really surprised by this? he just looks like a creepy video store guy. supposedly he had an EXTENSIVE collection, which is *shocking*. he probably decided to go into business to supplement his food budget. anyway, so he started renting the movies for $1.00 a pop, and things just took off. you know, personally, i don[...] Source: leighonline Thag want be millionaire! It had been an unlucky hunting season. First of all, their big man, Grunk, got himself gored by a woolly rhinoceros in the first week of the expedition. Grunk — always the big swinging dick that Grunk — had tried to stab it in the eye instead of dodging to the side. Still, if he’d been successful, that would have been sweet. They could have ended the trip right there. The jackpot. Instead they had to chase the rhino until Grunk’s massive bulk finally fell off the hor[...] Source: The Skwib Thag want be millionaire! It had been an unlucky hunting season. First of all, their big man, Grunk, got himself gored by a woolly rhinoceros in the first week of the expedition. Grunk — always the big swinging dick that Grunk — had tried to stab it in the eye instead of dodging to the side. Still, if he’d been successful, that would have been sweet. They could have ended the trip right there. The jackpot. Instead they had to chase the rhino until Grunk’s massive bulk finally fell off the hor[...] Source: The Skwib Thag want be millionaire! It had been an unlucky hunting season. First of all, their big man, Grunk, got himself gored by a woolly rhinoceros in the first week of the expedition. Grunk — always the big swinging dick that Grunk — had tried to stab it in the eye instead of dodging to the side. Still, if he’d been successful, that would have been sweet. They could have ended the trip right there. The jackpot. Instead they had to chase the rhino until Grunk’s massive bulk finally fell off the hor[...] Source: The Skwib Thag want be millionaire! It had been an unlucky hunting season. First of all, their big man, Grunk, got himself gored by a woolly rhinoceros in the first week of the expedition. Grunk — always the big swinging dick that Grunk — had tried to stab it in the eye instead of dodging to the side. Still, if he’d been successful, that would have been sweet. They could have ended the trip right there. The jackpot. Instead they had to chase the rhino until Grunk’s massive bulk finally fell off the hor[...] Source: The Skwib I've got a 50/50 chance on this one: submitted/post title by frequent contributor Duane Brown(c) All of the above.(d) None of the above.(e) What the $%&* are they talking about?---------------------------------------------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane Brown"Where His blood drownsAnd His body chases my blues awayAnd I'll be okay ..."---------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownThat's because they're always paving it with Good Intentions.-------------[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs I've got a 50/50 chance on this one: submitted/post title by frequent contributor Duane Brown(c) All of the above.(d) None of the above.(e) What the $%&* are they talking about?---------------------------------------------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane Brown"Where His blood drownsAnd His body chases my blues awayAnd I'll be okay ..."---------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownThat's because they're always paving it with Good Intentions.-------------[...] Source: Crummy Church Signs The Ultimate Guide to Pussy Like I said yesterday I am trying to clean up my act around here because I met a girl and she doesn’t know about the site. At the end of the week I am going to show her it and I want to make sure this place is classed up a bit. So here is my first entry as the new and improved Kevin, I’m really nervous about this and hope you all will remain readers even if there is a slight tweak in my style. I have to say one of my favorite things in the world is cats. Not the musical, although I w[...] Source: Pointless Banter The Ultimate Guide to Pussy Like I said yesterday I am trying to clean up my act around here because I met a girl and she doesn’t know about the site. At the end of the week I am going to show her it and I want to make sure this place is classed up a bit. So here is my first entry as the new and improved Kevin, I’m really nervous about this and hope you all will remain readers even if there is a slight tweak in my style. I have to say one of my favorite things in the world is cats. Not the musical, although I w[...] Source: Pointless Banter Perhaps some ABBA will loosen your tongue… There was a story last week about what kind of music our military uses on detainees for the purposes of sleep deprivation to make them more pliable for questioning. Now we already knew that we used Barney’s “I Love You Song” and the Sesame Street theme but we were surprised at some of the other songs on that list. We’re not sure if they were chosen for their ability to tear down a person’s mind, or if that’s just what our soldiers happened to have on their i[...] Source: Renal Failure Is The Girl Included? How long do you think it takes people to put this together and then stop laughing long enough to use it?I know women and men complain about how boring their sex lives are but really, who was sitting in front of a drafting board one day and said, "I've GOT it!"Everyone is having sex over at humor-blogs.com [...] Totally Pointless Reviews: Sticky Notes Why are sticky notes so popular? This is a question I ponder every time I have to pick up yet another sticky note that has fallen off my computer monitor. If I’m away from my computer, the sticky notes seem to have no problem hanging on. However, if I’m anywhere in the vicinity they immediately fall. I believe I can attribute this phenomenon to one or more of the following: Just as looking at a pot of water will make it not boil, looking at a sticky note will make it not stick. My e[...] Source: Special Kind of Stupid An ode to The Cheap Theater We went to see "Enchanted" on Sunday night. Several people entered the theater after the lights dimmed and the movie started.They were the smart ones.They didn't see what the theater looked like.The Wife, The Boy and I went to the movie early so we could see the previews. Had I been blind I might have thought somebody brought me into a bathroom or the stairwell of a parking garage thanks to the intense smell of pee.The fake ceiling had several stains and one gaping hole above where we sat. Anoth[...] Source: Dorky Dad Inn keeper, my room has a weird smell... -Day 63Anonymous evil trolls changed my home page from Google to MSN. I don't know how they managed to do it but my new exclaimless state demands I let bygones be bygones. I'm learning to deal. Upon opening a browser on Sunday, I encountered an article on MSN about 10 Unusual Places to Stay.They showed an underwater hotel in Florida which I thought was pretty cool. Some caves in New Mexico and Turkey minus bats. By far the most disturbing one was this one in Idaho:I'm sorry but, why would I pay [...] Source: Bee's Musings RBCU Professor Interviewed On "Care for God's Creation" Prof. Ramon Tulio, RBCU professor of Catholic Social Teaching and a man of marked fortitude and patience, has returned upon request to The Ironic Catholic offices for an exclusive interview on a prime teaching within the Catholic Social Teaching tradition: Care for God's Creation. (Previous interviews with Prof. Tulio can be found on The Preferential Option for the Poor and Solidarity as well.)IC: Good morning, Prof. Tulio. Welcome back to The Ironic Catholic!(He offers weak smile, nods.)I'm[...] Source: The Ironic Catholic An ode to The Cheap Theater We went to see "Enchanted" on Sunday night. Several people entered the theater after the lights dimmed and the movie started.They were the smart ones.They didn't see what the theater looked like.The Wife, The Boy and I went to the movie early so we could see the previews. Had I been blind I might have thought somebody brought me into a bathroom or the stairwell of a parking garage thanks to the intense smell of pee.The fake ceiling had several stains and one gaping hole above where we sat. Anoth[...] Source: Dorky Dad Bad Gift Review Because it's almost 7 months until my birthday, and less than 10 months until Christmas (but actually 4 1/2 months until Christmas shopping season starts) I started to think about gifts and giving. What naturally followed was the Bad Gift Review. Looking back, it seems that the gifts I've received that stood out as really awful were gifts given long ago, during childhood and adolescence. I suspect that the reason for that is that my expectations were higher then. After de[...] Source: ArmadilloTrader Not my favorite Italian... You know who bugs the hell out of me? Giada De Laurentiis. She's a "Celebrity Chef" on www.foodnetwork.com. She speaks perfect English with an American accent. But she's of Italian descent. Fine. Who gives a shit. But there are three things that really bug me about her. And without further ado...Every shirt she wears is tight and low cut. OK. We get it. You have tits. Congratulations...Her head seems abnormally large.Although she speaks English in a normal manner, whenever she says a word of Ita[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Not my favorite Italian... You know who bugs the hell out of me? Giada De Laurentiis. She's a "Celebrity Chef" on www.foodnetwork.com. She speaks perfect English with an American accent. But she's of Italian descent. Fine. Who gives a shit. But there are three things that really bug me about her. And without further ado...Every shirt she wears is tight and low cut. OK. We get it. You have tits. Congratulations...Her head seems abnormally large.Although she speaks English in a normal manner, whenever she says a word of Ita[...] Source: The Blog of Bex Not my favorite Italian... You know who bugs the hell out of me? Giada De Laurentiis. She's a "Celebrity Chef" on www.foodnetwork.com. She speaks perfect English with an American accent. But she's of Italian descent. Fine. Who gives a shit. But there are three things that really bug me about her. And without further ado...Every shirt she wears is tight and low cut. OK. We get it. You have tits. Congratulations...Her head seems abnormally large.Although she speaks English in a normal manner, whenever she says a word of Ita[...] |